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Featured Do your parents understand and accept your autism?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by the_tortoise, Oct 14, 2019.

  1. they accept and understand it

    6 vote(s)
    16.7%
  2. they accept it but do not understand it

    7 vote(s)
    19.4%
  3. they don’t accept or understand it

    17 vote(s)
    47.2%
  4. i am unsure/do not know

    6 vote(s)
    16.7%
  5. other

    7 vote(s)
    19.4%
Multiple votes are allowed.
  1. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    poll.

    If you have one parent that accepts and/or understands and one that does not (or you don’t know or “other”) you may select two options - one option for each parent.

    If your parents are deceased then please answer the questions in past sense - answer for if they understood when they were alive.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
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  2. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I actually, really do wish I could answer this. I was diagnosed after both parents were gone. I'd love to know what my mom would think and respond. (My dad, I wouldn't care and wouldn't bother with). I have a feeling she would have accepted it. There was a day I was in a lot of pain and was rocking vigorously back and forth and she had this funny look on her face when she walked in and asked me if these was something wrong with me - and I know she meant mentally. I just said, it hurts and rocking helps and she accepted that. But I think I could talk to her about it and she'd be interested. I think!
     
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  3. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    They did not know, nor did I at the time for that matter. I only figured it out after they passed away. HFA was pretty much unknown back then. But they were, I am sure, aware I was 'different' as I pretty much always knew myself and they never showed any disapproval of it. I always felt accepted for what I was. I will add however that my parents were both very 'family first' and fiercely protective. Not in a babying way or what people call 'over-protective'. Quite the opposite really as they taught us from a early age to use our heads and be smart about things, but also stand on out own two feet and fight if necessary. I think at times they experienced frustration at the longer time it took for us to learn and develop to the point we could stand on our own feet independently, but they never gave up and showed a lot of patience
     
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  4. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    It's highly unlikely that either of my parents would have accepted such a designation. They were from the school of; There is absolutely nothing untoward about our children. Given the fact both had some autistic traits, noticing similar traits in their children would likely have been impossible. I often heard that one sibling or another was like this side of the family or that side of the family, sometimes in a negative manner.

    A younger sibling was mainly non-verbal until she was eight, they simply thought that she was quiet. They did not question it at all. She could read and write as I had taught her quite early on, and while attending a convent there was almost no need for her to speak. She graduated and found a job and needed to learn how to navigate the social requirements within her job, and despite her difficulties she managed it. All of us did for that matter. So I think that my parents despite their own difficulties, managed to imbue us with a certain amount of self-reliance as it relates to our own lives.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    That seems like a strange definition. My parents entirely reject the idea of it and do everything to avoid the subject. It'd feel odd to vote that they understand just because this causes no significant problems. :eek:
     
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  6. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    Sorry, it never occurred to me that parents rejecting an autism diagnosis and the whole idea of autism could happen without causing significant problems.

    I defined it that way because there are different levels of understanding and differences in how that understanding might impact behaviors and relationships varies - like parents might understand some things and not others, but that might or might not cause problems. Clearly I did not see the breadth of the variation in how lack of understanding could affect (or not affect) relationships.

    But why can you not select that they don’t understand it? I am confusing myself trying to go back and forth in my mind from what I meant to how you understood it ...
     
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  7. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    It runs on my mom's side. My brother has some definte similarities. I was considered not important growing up maybe because l am female? Not sure. Talked to my mom about a month ago. Told her l had similar traits of autism and she didn't say much.

    Edit Guess l was trying to say she never had much comment on anything re: me, so l wasn't anticipating any response. But l did mentioned it.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
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  8. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    I took out the confusing part....I was trying to get around the complexity of partial understanding /degrees of understanding (it was specifically for the hypothetical situation where a person couldn’t decide how to vote because they had parents who understood/accepted some things but not others) but in doing so I was muddying the original question (do your parents understand) with a separate albeit related question (does this cause problems) because of my own incorrect assumptions/limited experience.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
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  9. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    One does the other does not. Both accept it is different. But not always how.
     
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  10. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I put Other because my father died before I discovered Aspergers and autism traits, and I haven't discussed it with my mother who is in her mid 90s and isn't generally interested in such things.

    I think the autistic traits were noticeable in my father, and could have been present in my mum's family too. It's fair to say that parental lack of interest in important aspects of their children is likely to be problematic for the child, but as an adult I don't feel bothered by this lack, as I have done enough therapy to be able to give up on unrealistic expectations of parents. That was over many years btw!
     
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  11. Peter Morrison

    Peter Morrison Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Both of my parents are gone, but I can easily imagine my mother feeling guilty. I think my father would have accepted it, as I feel he might have been on the spectrum too. He was always "matter of fact" about medical issues - you play the cards you are dealt.
     
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  12. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    Mine found out when I did 36 years ago and I gave up waiting for them to accept it in the end. Closed book.
     
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  13. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'd like to think so. But they died long before I began to explore my own autism. However my NT parents agreed that there was something "different" about me, and that they pursued it with doctors in the early 60s. However medical science just wasn't up to snuff in those days to say much at all about Neurodiversity. A doctor told them I was "fine", and that was that. Many years before the American Psychiatric Association began to accept Dr. Asperger's research.
     
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  14. FreeDiver

    FreeDiver How long can you hold your breath? V.I.P Member

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    Ya! been there, done that!
     
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  15. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Sorry for being confusing. I did select that they didn't understand. My confusion came from the statement that you seem to have removed which defined "understanding" as not causing problems, in which case my parents do understand, because there are no significant problems. But they clearly don't understand, so it didn't make sense in my head.

    They reject all mental health issues and that causes significant problems, so in a way it does cause significant problems, but autism specifically is not what's causing the problems in the rejection.

    I probably just made it over-complicated. Sorry!
     
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  16. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    No no, it was me who erred!

    I am sorry for being confusing! I explained it better (I think?)after I removed the confusing part - why it had been there - but I didn’t tag you (sorry).....

     
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  17. 100skerls

    100skerls Just another skerl V.I.P Member

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    My actual dad doesn’t even know yet about my diagnosis. I don’t want to tell him because he discusses everything about me with my grandmother and I don’t appreciate it because she’s kind of out to find “what’s wrong with me” in negative way. Thought I caused him to drink etc. I think he wouldn’t even think about it though. He has too much going on in his own life. My mom accepts it and understands slightly. Stepdad neither accepts nor understands.
     
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  18. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I get it now! Thank you!
     
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  19. Cazelle

    Cazelle Well-Known Member

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    I haven’t told either of my parents. I think Dad might understand but my Mum, not so sure - she’ll quite possibly see it as a reflection on herself and decide that it is her ‘fault’ and a negative thing.
     
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  20. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    My mum accepts it but doesn't fully understand it (but she tries), my dad is no longer alive so I don't know what he would have thought of it.
     
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