Do you tell people you have autism?

[Doliba]

I used to not tell anyone that I was autistic. It's a scary thing to say, since I have no idea how the other person will react, and I know there are a lot of people in that position. I've recently started telling people and it's actually helped them to understand me quite a bit. As of now I've only told this to other autistic people though, I've only told one NT so far besides my family.

To people who don't tell anyone, why not? If you do, who do you tell? Just close friends or people who you don't know as well? Do you think it helps?

 

[AngelaS267]

Nope. I only told my coworker/friend and to my surprise, she told me she felt like she was autistic too, haha. I think thats why we became friends so fast.

 

[Progster]

I only tell people on a need-to-know business. It's personal, and people are judgemental. Looking around at the threads where people have talked about telling other people, they have got back reactions such as: where's your carer" or "you don't look autistic" or "no, you can't be, you've got a job/relationship/kids, etc. Judgement born of ignorance.

 

[Doliba]

where's your carer" or "you don't look autistic" or "no, you can't be, you've got a job/relationship/kids

Ugh, I feel horrible for anyone who has to explain why this isn't how it works. I wonder how I'd even respond to that.

 

[Sarah S]

I used to not tell anyone that I was autistic. It's a scary thing to say, since I have no idea how the other person will react, and I know there are a lot of people in that position. I've recently started telling people and it's actually helped them to understand me quite a bit. As of now I've only told this to other autistic people though, I've only told one NT so far besides my family.

To people who don't tell anyone, why not? If you do, who do you tell? Just close friends or people who you don't know as well? Do you think it helps?

I tell all that are close to me about ALL my diagnosis as it will give them a chance of trying to understand and accept that i AM different. and this will give them a explonation on why .its then up to them to either accept me as i am or dont and we can go our separate ways. as i said multible times i have NO reason to hide nor feel any shame for ANY of my gazilion diagnosis as i havent asked to be born with any of them. (and yes even to my former employer's i have explained i have this or that problems and usely need some extra time to learn things so i then can do them . And they have ALL accepted and given me the extra time i needed .)

 

[Ezra]

I'm so autistic it's blatantly obvious. The only reason to say that I am autistic is to clarify what is wrong with me. "What's wrong with him, is he retarded?" "No, he's autistic".

So unless one needs to clarify what is wrong with them because people are wondering, I'm not sure there is much point in disclosing it.

 

[Sarah S]

I'm so autistic it's blatantly obvious. The only reason to say that I am autistic is to clarify what is wrong with me. "What's wrong with him, is he retarded?" "No, he's autistic".

Thats the reason i also have chosen to be open with ALL my diagnosis as well as i have been regarded and treated as a retard most of my life from pretty much everyone. BUT since i came out with all my diagnosis that have stopped and i have gained respect and understanding instead .

 

[SusanLR]

No. Only medical people, (my doctors and therapists), if they need to know.
And the person I live with because he thought I was strange and didn't understand me.
Now I'm more accepted by him.

 

[theporgsnest]

When I was younger I felt I had to disclose this info to any close friends I made on the basis that it would explain any untoward or really weird/aloof behaviour, to the point my parents were a bit 'are you literally telling everyone you meet and being like "hi my name is _ and I have AS"' (what I wasn't, mind, but felt some explanation was necessary). That is a thing of the past and I generally only reveal it during situations like work (where things being misconstrued can sometimes be more dire than a social faux pas with new friends and, well, if people come outright and ask, but I find this is very rare (it happened once with a teacher, and he suspected it because two of his children were also on the spectrum so I guess he was a lot more 'fine-tuned' than most people)

Oh and also when I (try to) advocate myself e.g people speaking out of ignorance/making callous jokes etc.

To be honest, I will always remember my school bestie saying that they just viewed my ASD as a personality quirk, and so it's not like I would go round informing everyone if I was very stubborn and they should be aware of it lol

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

I rarely talk to anyone about anything, so while I wouldn't hide it, it's unlikely to come up in the daily activities of my life.

 

[George Newman]

Unfortunately, no. I do not tell anyone.

The needed depth of understanding in my community, my work, and the culture as a whole where I live is not where it would need to be to assure I would not be unfairly treated.

To survive, I do not tell anyone of my autistic gifts and challenges. To gain the depth of understanding needed, society would need to make an effort. To apply effort, society would need to feel motivated to understand. No such motive exist.

I’ve taken a significant amount of time to consider this and I understand why the motive to understand does not exist.

I do believe that it was essential for me to be professionally diagnosed. As more people are diagnosed and the community of officially diagnosed grows here in the US, society will potentially be more motivated to understand. Maybe?

This is my hope.

I told a couple friends after my late-life autism diagnosis. Due to a lack of motivation to understand, my friends became more and more unresponsive and ended their contact with me. I found the experience to be quite eye-opening.

A sharing of my autistic traits at work would have a significantly negative impact to my career. I’ve been pretty effective in masking and have been successful at work. Its unbelievably exhausting and numerous times I have questioned why I continue to do it. I’m seen as “odd” or “quirky” but very successful.

I’m always heartened when I hear stories about people with autistic traits who are open about their gifts and challenges. I’m encouraged that their friends feel motivated by their friendship to deepen their understanding. I smile when an employee tells a story about how they are understood and seen in a positive way at work. I am heartened by these but know they are too few and rare.

In summary, I keep autism to myself and live life the best I can.

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

I either tell: a) people around whom I feel comfortable, b) family members, or c) people who wonder why I struggle with certain practices that typify autistic struggles.

Telling people tends to help them understand me. I don't believe that anyone has bullied me, so far. Nonetheless, I've only told those whom I believed would respect me.

Great thread, Doliba! This is a neat discussion.

 

[menander]

I'm so autistic it's blatantly obvious. The only reason to say that I am autistic is to clarify what is wrong with me. "What's wrong with him, is he retarded?" "No, he's autistic".

So unless one needs to clarify what is wrong with them because people are wondering, I'm not sure there is much point in disclosing it.

EXCELLENT point I had not thought of. People tend to think things that are not true. It clarifies that THEY KNOW and YOU KNOW that THEY KNOW.

 

[Giraffes]

I think people that are N/D are more accepting of difference than N/T who see declaring Autism as a opportunity to discriminate and 'change' aspects of you, and how you experience the world, why are Autistic tracts seen as problems and things to eradicate to create a version of N/T 'being'. 'Masking' who i am to be more communicative and social is exhausting and i often 'get it wrong' no wonder a big side kick to Autism is anxiety and depression, so i will never tell employers and am very hesitate of telling any one else.

 

[risootser]

To be honest after I got some help via social systems based on asd, ADHD, schizotypal... I actually prefer to be viewed as purely weirdo aka schizotypal. That condition comes with pretty low preload because people have to be quite unassuming. It means something like funny schizoid.

Autism diagnosis on the other hand. Not that good. I like to be active and people do not disturb me because I'm non social extrovert if you get the drift. Also I'm not really disabled at reading body language and stuff but replying and paying attention is hard - the sympathetic part. I also play with meanings and so on actively and my attention to detail sucks. Hence if people hear about plausible autism it is a major set back because I do not like to be in that sort of mold because lots of preconditions people load on me and those do not really work. I do have appreciation towards those sort of pure autistic people.

 

[Rabscuttle]

As a rule, I only tell people who 1. have a vested interest in knowing (my sister and cousins) or 2. have known me for a very long time and might be interested in a neurological explanation for my oddness (my friends). I only came to realize this condition later in life, so pretty much everyone had either accepted me as I was or walked away from me; I've often wondered (as I suspect most of us have) how things would've been different if I'd been diagnosed as a child. Interestingly, with the exception of my sister, every single person I've told has responded with some variation of "I've suspected that for a while now", which makes me wonder why no one bothered to tell me, but also makes me think that more people know (or believe) than I give credit for.

The main reason I don't tell more people is that several of the jobs that I've had required certifications that ASD can disqualify you for. Not that it does, but it can (another reason I think grouping us all together under a single label as a formal classification was a mistake), and it'd make it all too easy for an employer to fire me. Add to that the sheer number of times I'd be dismissed with "Oh, you're just saying that because you're autistic" or other such nonsense (since no one ever benefited from considering things from a different perspective, right?), and it just makes sense to keep my silence on this particular issue.

 

[Aspychata]

No no no. I told my employer so that maybe they would bounce me. I told my mom for some compassion, who knows how that went. So l say no. I am already discriminated against because l am old, single, female, l am blond, l laugh way too much. I don't need to throw one more thing into the mix.

 

[Doliba]

every single person I've told has responded with some variation of "I've suspected that for a while now"

Lol, this actually happened to me! He told me he suspected I might be autistic, and also revealed that he was autistic too right after. I know he didn't mean for it to come off the wrong way, but I read it like I wasn't being social enough around him, and he could tell something was off about the way I interact. Luckily it wasn't a big deal for him

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

Not really, only because i can't be bothered explaining something that takes forever to explain.
Plus, for me as an adult it's invisible. I'm pretty sociable and able to communicate and articulate things compared to even a year ago and growing in confidence.

 

[Ken S.]

Yes I tell people and if they don't want to associate with me because of it I lose no sleep over it. That is their problem not mine and I refuse to give them any power over me by getting upset about it. That is exactly what you do when you let "bullies" manipulate your emotions.