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Featured Do you struggle to find interests in what others have to say?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by SimplyWandering, Jul 31, 2019.

  1. SimplyWandering

    SimplyWandering Well-Known Member

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    i was wondering if anyone else here struggles to find what others have to say interesting...

    It is a real struggle to be interested in what others have to say I find myself say “ah” , “wow that is interesting,” only to simply not care.

    How does one find interest in talking to people about things that do not interest themselves?


    I feel like I am forcing myself to be someone I am not.... but maybe this is simply part of masking and having friends. I can’t just tell people I don’t care .
    . :shrugs
     
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  2. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Funny - I often find myself reading what someone has written on here and actually think "hmm, interesting" and wish they had an 'interesting' tab to click. :)

    In person, there are some people that I can have semi interesting conversations with and some that I kind of want to shreek, but just do a lot of uh huhs.
     
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  3. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Sometimes I space out and miss some of what they're saying and I usually forget the conversation right after the conversation and if someone is talking for a long time I often get impatient and anxious over them finishing.

    But none of that applies to my favorite people or conversations on my favorite topics. :D
     
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  4. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    I find almost any topic interesting except football. Unless there is an injury, then I would be interested in their medical treatment.
    Long conversations are tiring if I have to stand.
     
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  5. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    how much did you communicate as a child ?!did you talk to people !a lot !I mean people you know very well ?!because if you did it would be probably more interesting to you! if you didn't strange as it seems your wiring is probably changed to be normal to be almost nonverbal?! I do but that's because of particular circumstances that i'm in .
     
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  6. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    That's interesting! If there is any literature on the subject, I'd be interested in reading it. I communicated very little prior to age sixteen.
     
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  7. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    I never read it in depth about it but watched general programs about the children I know that when you were having a baby there is an app that can tell you what Goal posts for what your baby should be doing at a particular age as a child seems to have a time when it will do certain things and then the brain hard wires it and it stops I know for instance at the age I think five or six you were supposed to have a concept of death before that age children don't understand death .
     
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  8. Shamar

    Shamar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I generally only listen to persons who are coherent, logical, and have something worthwhile to say. This eliminates most lawyers, virtually all politicians, a large portion of the general population, and a disturbingly high percentage of college professors. It is also one of the reasons I spend a lot of time here.
     
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  9. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes and no. I can be genuinely interested in quite a lot of topics SHORT TERM. Beyond that yeah, boring, and some topics are always boring. Or annoying but that's another thing I guess.
     
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  10. Rectify

    Rectify Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I would love that!
     
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  11. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I just noticed this, and I LOVE it! :eek:

    Also, @Pats, I can't figure out what you find funny about this! :eek::p

    The only thing I could think of is that we're in this thread and I said to someone "that's interesting!" :D
     
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  12. Baeraad

    Baeraad Well-Known Member

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    I think I mostly try to find at least some angle that I can offer some sort of general comment on, or I ask a general question that encourages them to keep talking. Most people like talking more than listening, anyway.

    I was at a meetup recently and ended up talking to a guy with strange interests that I had almost no opinion on at all. So I just sort of kept my side of the conversation short and nodded along to what he was saying. Afterward he friended me on Facebook, so I think he went home thinking I was a great conversationalist. :D

    ETA: And yes, politely faking interest is absolutely part of being social and having friends. I'll bet you anything that your friends do it for you every so often. ;)
     
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  13. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yes. It's the kind of thing I have to remember to do or force myself to do in order to be polite and maintain a friendly relationship with that person. It's really hard to think of things to say and to continue a conversation about a topic I know little about or have no interest in, and makes the interaction hard work and often a reason I avoid social interaction. Making conversation with relatives can be very hard because often the only thing we have in common is that we are related. It's a reason I don't make friends easily, because I tend not to talk to people unless I have something to say to them, or something in common. A person with good social skills will always be able to make conversation and show interest, whatever the topic, but I lack this ability. If I'm with my mum or partner who have good social skills, they will talk to the person, lifting the pressure off me, and unless the conversation switches to something of interest, I just tend to switch off and will soon wander off. It's hard to hide my boredom.

    It's not just a problem for us, I think that NTs have this problem to some extent too. My sister was telling me that she finds kids' parties hard because she has nothing in common with the other mums there and doesn't know what to talk about.
     
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  14. Cazelle

    Cazelle Well-Known Member

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    Eek, I really dislike being stuck in a conversation with a person or people and the topic turning to something I really don't have an interest in or know nothing about.

    Talking about being stuck in conversations that I am not interested in but have to politely pretend to be engaged in, sometimes talking to my children is like that! Sigh...
     
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  15. NothingToSeeHere

    NothingToSeeHere Asexuowl V.I.P Member

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    I find most people boring, making polite boring conversation is just another life skill. There are however some people who I find interesting; talking with my colleagues is always interesting, and of course I find conversation with my friends interesting, or I wouldn't be friends with them.

    Yeah it's definitely something many NTs struggle with too, I've heard family members and friends complain about the same sort of thing. My mum says she always hated birthday parties etc. when we were children because the other parents were "insipid, stupid, and endlessly dull". My sister currently complains a lot about her antenatal classes because of how boring all the people she has to make polite small talk with are.
     
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  16. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    I usually just stick to business. But i do have a fun way of helping it. I pretend im a secret agent trying to get classfied information from my contact. Given i have adhd i also eatch for bad guys. Most time tje persond oblivious anyway.
     
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  17. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, that's what I thought was funny. The subject being disinterested and you were interested. :)
     
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  18. Mary Terry

    Mary Terry Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yep, I'm NT and many people bore me to tears. I try to avoid them, especially the narcissistic histrionics.
     
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  19. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I don't know why I doubted myself! :eek:
    That IS funny! :D
     
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  20. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    In HS, l was extremely shy. Yet this student accused me of being stuck up.They obviously had no idea that l snuck around the school totally gobsmacked with social paranoia. And on top of all this, my homeroom teacher considered me the class clown.
    So l am fearful of showing boredom incase l am once again labeled as stuckup. So l can be bored beyond watching paint dry on walls but l will still try to get someone to talk and connect because of that spiritual thought that says we are all connected, including the boring dribble that we disperse as small talk. My point is boredom sucks, it's one of the reasons l never dated much.
     
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