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Do you still (after umteen years) still want to tell someone they were wrong

Discussion in 'Off Topic' started by Pats, Oct 14, 2019.

  1. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    How do you let go of things? There are things, that, no, I don't dwell on them, but they still pop up from time to time and I really wish I could go back and tell them.... Maybe that's what class reunions are really for. LOL (I would never go to one). But there are bosses, especially, that I know I'll never see again, that I still want to tell them they were completely wrong.
     
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  2. Illkurok

    Illkurok King of Isolation

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    There is still one particular person I sometimes wish I would still run into about an incident in which they were wrong, but I conceded so it wouldn't get worse.

    It took years for me to stop beating myself up over that, and I even thought maybe something bad could have happened if I had put the guy in his place.

    I have learned though that in situations like that, it's better to just tell them how absolutely off the charts their reasoning is on something, especially when it could revolve around a store losing business or something else to that degree.

    I worked a lot of years in retail where I just had to bite my tongue at some of their arrogance in their ways of doing things, especially in a manager position, but I let it go and hoped it wouldn't come back to haunt me later.
     
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  3. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I think maybe my memory isn't good enough for this one. :eek:

    Do you mean tell them they were wrong about something specific or is it one of those, "you were wrong about me!" general sort of things?
     
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  4. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    specific events.
    Example, a co-worker that hated me lied and told my boss I had taken like a 3 hour lunch. Upon hearing it, my boss immediately suspended me for 3 days. She never bothered to check the computer which records what time you are actually charting things (which would have shown I was there during that time) or even look at cameras which were everywhere. I kept going up the chain of command and was eventually paid for those 3 days, but my boss never accepted that I didn't do it.
    Or a different boss - different floor - when I wanted to leave notes in patient charts for the doctors when a medication expired so they would know to renew it, if they wanted to. She said we can not do that. Two days later a doctor wanted me written up for NOT letting him know a medication had expired, so my boss gladly wrote me up - even though she knew I wanted to but she wouldn't let me.
    So many stories and times I'd like to just go back and say they were wrong.
     
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  5. Autistamatic

    Autistamatic He's just this guy, you know? V.I.P Member

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    Not so much tell people they were wrong as admit when I was.

    If I were to fret over everyone who acted like an idiot, was stuck up, bigoted, unjustifiably opinionated or just plain mistreated me through my life I'd never sleep at night. I would like the chance to say sorry to those few I did wrong, misjudged or misunderstood and never had the opportunity to set things straight though.
     
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  6. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    It takes time. Sometimes i forget it completely. Other times i stay focused for days. Eventually i accept there was no other action to take or choice to make.
     
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  7. Pats

    Pats Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I guess I have a couple of those, too.
     
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  8. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, to be fair, we probably are unaware of varied times we have misjudged or wronged others, it's the wounds and misjudgments we receive that rankle. Although I don't seem to worry and obsess as much as I used to on this type of issue, I think finding out about autistic traits or Aspergers helped me let go of some issues.

    I saw the ruminating as unhelpful and a poor strategy, and tried to move on. Like, they aren't awake at night worrying about how I felt when they were unfair, so why inflict more punishment on myself? Perhaps they're even dead already of a painful illness; aw, now I feel a bit sorry for them... etc.
     
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  9. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Me too. One person in particular, some 30 years later. But I also know it's far too late to tell them now.
     
    Last edited: Oct 14, 2019
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  10. Bikutoso

    Bikutoso Try. Fail. Learn. Repeat... V.I.P Member

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    No, but there is a person that I want to tell that my actions and conversations towards her were wrong.
    Have not talked with her in 4 years, but are still frequently thinking about her.
     
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  11. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Nope, I do not enjoy pointing out how others were wrong, similarly to how I don't like it pointed out how I was wrong. Usually I slowly come to the conclusion on my own and don't need any help.
     
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  12. Trophonius

    Trophonius Member

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    Yes if they've pissed me off.
     
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  13. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    Been pretty good about speaking up in my lifetime. Can't do much more then that. l speak my truth, because it frees me from any constraints that anyone is laying on me. Being on the spectrum has made me super sensitive to people trying to control or manipulate me. l have a built in meter for this.
     
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  14. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    I don't lay awake nights thinking about past insults or injustices, but, I don't forget them either.
    The feelings of anger or hurt subside.
    I have never had trouble holding up for myself and usually get it out I feel at the time and then
    it's over.
    But, there have been a few, like a boss that was hateful and I couldn't really speak my voice
    if I wanted to keep the job, if I met them now I would have my say.
     
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  15. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I both want to apologise to people for my mistakes and want to tell other people they were wrong. I want to tell that boy in my class at school what an a-hole he was for saying that to me, to tell the doctor who told my parents that he didn't think I had autism that he was wrong. I usually tell people straight out that they are wrong, but there are times when the mistake is not apparent until years later.
     
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  16. paloftoon

    paloftoon Well-Known Member

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    sometimes, being wrong is not what matters. It could be that you and the other person accept each others' differences. If it doesn't affect your well-being, concentrate on other things for yourself. Sometimes, you have to let others make mistakes and just request beforehand that you cannot take any responsibility for certain choices you don't agree with.
     
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  17. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    I read a story where a man got sold into slavery (by his brothers, no less). As a slave, he was falsely accused of sexual harassment and thrown into prison. Years later, he was made the prime minister of the same country that had imprisoned him without ever having his previous injustices redressed.

    I am not sure that retro-active correction is always worthwhile... [​IMG]
     
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  18. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yep...for me it's about closure I think. I just really want to be heard. I don't think it'll make a difference, intellectually, but I want them to know my side of the story.

    I've yet to figure out how to create closure for myself when I can't have it otherwise.
     
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  19. Crossbreed

    Crossbreed Neur-D Missionary ☝

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    At some point, it becomes water under the bridge. I once loaned one of my daughters money for a car battery. Circumstances arose where she couldn't pay me back. It made life hard for us, but we eventually recovered. After we recovered, it really wasn't important if she paid me back or not.
     
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  20. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor V.I.P Member

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    I cant stop the but !they! did something !as well !
     
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