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Featured Do you mind being asked how you feel?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Aspergers_Aspie, Jul 8, 2020.

  1. Aspergers_Aspie

    Aspergers_Aspie Well-Known Member

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    Being asked how you feel, do you mind that? Do you have difficulty answering that question?
     
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  2. Sara3

    Sara3 Well-Known Member

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    Sometimes, I feel some people are not really asking a question but just saying something to interact with me. Also, in my country, they answer with the same question when they meet in the street:
    Person A: Hi, how are you?
    Person B: Hey, how are you?
    A: Bye!
    B: Bye!
    :)
     
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  3. Giraffes

    Giraffes Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The 'how are you' question had me confused for a long time, i now stop and think,..... who's asking, what's my relationship with them as often it's a 'nothing' social comment that requires 'i'm fine thanks how are you'
     
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  4. Aspergers_Aspie

    Aspergers_Aspie Well-Known Member

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    Fans of Star Trek will know At the beginning of Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home Spock is puzzled when asked in a computer test: 'How do you feel?'
     
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  5. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Depends who's asking!
     
  6. Karamazov

    Karamazov Active Member

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    I often don’t know how to respond, tend to pay little to no attention to how I am/feel: so the question leaves me stumped.

    I find the superficial not-really-a-question-but-a-greeting one easier to deal with since I’ve worked out no answer is required, just a generic neutral statement of okay-ness followed by repeating the question.

    The hard bit is quickly ascertaining whether it’s a question or a greeting in real time, I’m quite good at casually assuming it must be the greeting usage only to be met with frustration because it was a genuine question.
     
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  7. Ezra

    Ezra Relax, it's just chaos.

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    Sarek: Do you have a message for your mother?

    Spock : Yes. Tell her, "I feel fine".

    There it is; the official response to an illogical question.
     
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  8. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    I find it hard to answer because I'm generally not aware of having any particular feeling, so I don't know what to say. Often I just say, "I don't know."

    The "how are you" question is slightly different, as it is asking after your health rather than your feelings. Usually I answer that one, truthfully, with "I'm fine."
     
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  9. Els

    Els Well-Known Member

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    I personally find it easy, I know the person will ask, and I know the answer is "I'm fine and you?". There's no other answer to this question (at least in my country, that's a coded answer, nobody would tell anything else unless something really bad happened, and even then... not sure). Where I live, easy, you're not supposed to talk about yourself, it's more a politeness choregraphy.

    If I'm really asked sincerely how I feel (and not how I am)... People might have to wait a bit for me to answer.
    If I need to answer sincerely, I either feel "mmmmmmmmm. normal" or "mmmmmmmm. weird" or "mmmmmmmm. looking forward for this thing to happen!". I don't really know how I feel, it's not really something I focus on.

    I went at the psychiatric center for PTSD and anxiety, the nurse asked me how it feels when I'm anxious. Blank. I don't know. Really, I could not tell. I could tell her I know I have high levels of anxiety, but how does it feel? No idea, it just feels how it feels (?). All I could tell her was about my copying behaviours (rocking, hearing the same song, and so on). How does it feel when I'm anxious, what happens in my body? I have a very vague idea of that. I know I'm tensed. She understood what I was saying better because at some point she left the room, asked me to wait and when she came back she saw me rocking like crazy. She was like "oooookay". Lol. I told you. :D
     
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  10. Sara3

    Sara3 Well-Known Member

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    I think I could answer that how do you feel question with "I have a stomach ache" or "I have a scratch and it is bothering me" :D
     
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  11. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I'm very rarely spoken to in a casual way, I think I am very good at not making eye contact. But if anyone were to catch me unawares with this question, I would probably not answer it. Eg Person: Hey how are you? Not seen you for ages! Me: Silence. (I recognise the person, and am surprised to see them. Weird smile appears on face.) Hi! Person then says a lot more probably.
     
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  12. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    I don't like the casual social contact of Hi, how are you?
    I have two replies. In fact it happened just Monday when I was sitting by the pool and an insurance
    inspector walked through.
    He said "Hi." I said "Hi."
    Then he said "How are you doing?" I said "OK." end of conversation.

    If he had ask how do I feel, being a perfect stranger, I would probably have asked "Why?"
    I'm good at one word answers. o_O
     
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  13. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yes, it's a hard question for me to answer. I don't mind if people ask it, but I feel like I can't give a correct answer.

    "How do you feel right now?"

    Do you mean physically?
    Emotionally?
    Mentally?
    How do I feel about certain things (e.g. world events)?

    I could feel one way about something and feel a different way about something else.

    In my opinion, it's a pretty complex question.
     
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  14. SDRSpark

    SDRSpark Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    At my work place people ask how you are without so much as slowing down for an answer. It's literally just a greeting.

    "Hey how are you?"
    "Fine you?"

    I think it's a bit weird but I'm used to it and roll with it.

    If it's a serious question it really depends on who is asking. I have to know the person well in order to be comfortable answering honestly.
     
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  15. Jumpback

    Jumpback Well-Known Member

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    I don’t have any problems with any questions asked of me, I have a problem with others judging or, far worse, ganging up on me because my responses upset others
     
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  16. Magna

    Magna Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    My autism therapist was very helpful in regard to giving me explanation about office dynamics for my work. She told me that the "How are you?" is just a greeting like you said and the person asking isn't really asking because that want a response which doesn't seem logical to me.

    She also gave me pointers on responses. For example, she told me if someone asks how my vacation was, I should answer with a short response such as: "It was very nice." and leave it at that unless the person asks additional questions.

    She also told me that bosses assume and know that when they go on vacation, the office will slack in doing their work and that bosses understanding this generally don't care. We got on this topic because I'd commented how when the boss is on vacation, the office seems to grind to a halt with workers sitting and chatting with each other for long periods during the day.
     
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  17. Els

    Els Well-Known Member

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    It doesn't seem logical to you because it's completely absurd indeed. :D:D

    From my observations, I understand this as a politeness code (such as shaking hands or whatever). I train myself to separate formal relationship (must just use those politeness codes without thinking because it's the same with all of them, it's like a fake dance with the other) from personal relationships. In formal relationships indeed, the person doesn't care but asks because... well. It's absurd. I just admitted it was part of a polite greeting. It's very scripted with me and I end it quickly, but after a while it has become automatic to me : I just won't answer anything personal and give the scripted answers, everything goes fine.
     
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  18. HidinginPlainSight

    HidinginPlainSight Well-Known Member

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    It's not a question I like being asked. The intent of the questioner is nearly impossible to recognize. I understand there are all sorts of different ways of asking it, but nothing is uniform in the meaning of each one.
     
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  19. Canismajoris

    Canismajoris Hypergiant

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    Very diffucult. Hate that question... I am always strugling with it, even though I know that I should answer: good, how do you feel?
     
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  20. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Enjoying life and glad to be alive! V.I.P Member

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    It's just a social greeting, reminds me of dogs greeting each other by sniffing butts.
     
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