Do you have the urge to be special and impress others?

[Libecht]

I've always wanted to be special and impress people. I daydream a lot about having superpower and saving the world. Every time I meet someone I can't stop bragging about what I've done and what I can do. Sometimes I even try to lead the discussion in order to let him/her ask about my talents. I'm not that kind of people who suck at everything and lack confidence. I just enjoy people's "Wow!" and their face in awe too much. I get upset when people say somebody is better than me. I try my best to prove that I'm special and better.
I'm tired of it now. Why am I such a shallow person? Is it an Aspie thing or just my own problem?

 

[Catlover614]

I understand. I try to hard to make friends and come off as a stalker, or it seems. What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I can't make with friends with neurotypicals OR people on the spectrum. I feel like I'm cursed with people already deciding to hate me, no matter what I say or do. This really breaks my heart! I sometimes have the urge to prove my worth to others and impress them with my sincerity and kindness. Nothing works for me though. I continuously fail at making friends.

 

[Turanga Veela]

Sometimes.

For me, I think it comes from an undiagnosed childhood, and people assuming I was mentally challenged because I wasn't very verbal. For example, I had this militant gym teacher in high school; I, with my poor motor skills and inability to stick up for myself, didn't fare well at all. One day, she was given the honor roll list with the attendance slip, and I was in high honors. She made this big apey show of being surprised that I wasn't stupid, after all.

So I guess developed a kind of pushback instinct, like, "SEE? Look, I can do things! I'm competent, too!" I'm not competitive, but if I can impress someone with something I've done, it can be redemptive, in at least a small way.

 

[Catlover614]

Sometimes.

For me, I think it comes from an undiagnosed childhood, and people assuming I was mentally challenged because I wasn't very verbal. For example, I had this militant gym teacher in high school; I, with my poor motor skills and inability to stick up for myself, didn't fare well at all. One day, she was given the honor roll list with the attendance slip, and I was in high honors. She made this big apey show of being surprised that I wasn't stupid, after all.

So I guess developed a kind of pushback instinct, like, "SEE? Look, I can do things! I'm competent, too!" I'm not competitive, but if I can impress someone with something I've done, it can be redemptive, in at least a small way.

That's an awesome attitude you've got! Awesome for you! I'm still searching for my courage, having been discouraged since birth. I'm a lioness in the making. I never stood up for myself either, out of fear. I'm sick and tired with people calling others stupid.

 

[clg114]

I have found that "most people" mistake social awkwardness for lack of intelligence. Why? I am not sure, but I think that it may have something to do with their "herding instinct" social behavior. Needless to say, that leaves socially awkward Aspies as the odd man out. For the most part, I deal with it OK because I do not really care what they think. But calling people stupid, who are probably smarter than them, is not OK.

 

[Suzanne]

I understand you so well! Not to the same extent, but yes, I have this desire too, but for me it is related to intelligence. I react like I have been told that I am very beautiful, when told that I am intelligent, but at the same time, a little voice says: but if they had to mention that, doesn't it mean that they are suprised that I am intelligent?

Some said to me once that it is a shame people do not stick around long enough, to get to know me, for they would discover a very intelligent woman!

I do love spouting off news items and long ( deep down) for someone to say: wow that is amazing, thanks so much for that information!

I know that I am seen as a air head a lot of the time and scream inside, because I am not at all an air head!

 

[Suzanne]

I understand. I try to hard to make friends and come off as a stalker, or it seems. What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I can't make with friends with neurotypicals OR people on the spectrum. I feel like I'm cursed with people already deciding to hate me, no matter what I say or do. This really breaks my heart! I sometimes have the urge to prove my worth to others and impress them with my sincerity and kindness. Nothing works for me though. I continuously fail at making friends.

Oh how I get you!

I said recently to my husband that I seem to get on with people who are not of my culture or moree to the point; they accept me!

I smile and am polite and yet, my own culture seems to say: that is not good enough! You have not passed the test, so go away!

 

[hiraeth]

I have the opposite problem. I desperately wish to blend in under the radar and be as unassumingly average as they come. Unfortunately I don't do a good job of it.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I understand. I try to hard to make friends and come off as a stalker, or it seems. What's wrong with me? What am I doing wrong? I can't make with friends with neurotypicals OR people on the spectrum. I feel like I'm cursed with people already deciding to hate me, no matter what I say or do. This really breaks my heart! I sometimes have the urge to prove my worth to others and impress them with my sincerity and kindness. Nothing works for me though. I continuously fail at making friends.

The ironic thing though is this, I'm probably not the only person on here (where your awkwardness is deemed not so awkward) who'd go out of his way to say I could possibly see myself being ok around you face to face and enjoying chatting with you etc, the problem is that this isn't a social meeting club (for face to face contact) so for those who want for friends or contact with like-minded people you have this horrible struggle (with the odds stacked against you compared to most NT's and some social butterfly type aspies) of trying to find the right kind of people and on here you've got the distances that make it so unlikly and impractical. I'm definitely happy I occassionally meet one lady on here from time to time, just wish it could be a few more people (though not all people on here care for any face to face contact if the offer is made).

I understand you so well! Not to the same extent, but yes, I have this desire too, but for me it is related to intelligence. I react like I have been told that I am very beautiful, when told that I am intelligent, but at the same time, a little voice says: but if they had to mention that, doesn't it mean that they are suprised that I am intelligent?

That last bit just sounds like aspie negativity to me, the sad doubts that blight too many of us.

 

[Catlover614]

The ironic thing though is this, I'm probably not the only person on here (where your awkwardness is deemed not so awkward) who'd go out of his way to say I could possibly see myself being ok around you face to face and enjoying chatting with you etc, the problem is that this isn't a social meeting club (for face to face contact) so for those who want for friends or contact with like-minded people you have this horrible struggle (with the odds stacked against you compared to most NT's and some social butterfly type aspies) of trying to find the right kind of people and on here you've got the distances that make it so unlikly and impractical. I'm definitely happy I occassionally meet one lady on here from time to time, just wish it could be a few more people (though not all people on here care for any face to face contact if the offer is made).


That last bit just sounds like aspie negativity to me, the sad doubts that blight too many of us.

But I thought us connecting with one another in this community IS our way of being social. I'm through with chasing people to be their friend. Like me or leave me alone ( not you personally, you in general). I have enough struggles going on in my life and I don't need anymore crap on my shoulders. I love AC and it's good enough for me. Who knows? Maybe we could one day have an Aspie con.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

I've always wanted to impress, do favours for others or be noticed just to ensure I'm not forgotten and overlooked due to not having the equivalent social skills that keep other people in eachothers minds so easily.

But I thought us connecting with one another in this community IS our way of being social. I'm through with chasing people to be their friend. Like me or leave me alone ( not you personally, you in general). I have enough struggles going on in my life and I don't need anymore crap on my shoulders. I love AC and it's good enough for me. Who knows? Maybe we could one day have an Aspie con.

I kinda think of this forum as a great place to e-socialise but at the same time it's nice to think of it also as a place to help like-minded people (far more likely to see eye-to-eye) to hook up as friends or eventual lovers (as one couple on here did).A place like this takes a lot of the uninspiring chase out of making friends. Consider us relative to eachother in this place as your average NT is in a pub or social club just casually making friends to meetup, as if were the easiest thing in the world (which we know it's not).

 

[Catlover614]

I've always wanted to impress, do favours for others or be noticed just to ensure I'm not forgotten and overlooked due to not having the equivalent social skills that keep other people in eachothers minds so easily.



I kinda think of this forum as a great place to e-socialise but at the same time it's nice to think of it also as a place to help like-minded people (far more likely to see eye-to-eye) to hook up as friends or eventual lovers (as one couple on here did).A place like this takes a lot of the uninspiring chase out of making friends. Consider us relative to eachother in this place as your average NT is in a pub or social club just casually making friends to meetup, as if were the easiest thing in the world (which we know it's not).

Well said! I still feel overlooked, ignored, and forgotten by people. I understand exactly where you're coming from. You may call me your friend, if you like.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

Well said! I still feel overlooked, ignored, and forgotten by people. I understand exactly where you're coming from. You may call me your friend, if you like.

Well yah know (asides from the slight guilt of feeling like I've briefly hijacked this thred, sorry Libecht ) if you need a new boyfriend too (as you said yours might not totally appreciate you) then run across the ocean and I'll be waiting lol as your younger guy.

 

[rickxxxblaine]

I understand what you mean. To me it's ambivalent. I'd like to impress people with my intelligence, but as I'm not a very skillful at reading facial expressions I don't know if this works... Then i start to feel anxiety and I just want to disappear I don't think it's a decent social strategy though. It doesn't work at all. I think doing that you just are some kinda clown that shows off and distracts people during the night but they don't especially want to bind with you after that

 

[Jimbo]

Yes! I can relate 100%! I have always had the desire to impress and shock. There was a time when I was a volunteer firefighter and the only reason I really did it was the wow factor. It had become my identity. I really didn't like doing it. It was too much social for me.

I also love to tell people about things I've done and accomplished.

Like the Toby Keith song says "I want to talk about me!"

Now that I'm older I have gotten much better at humbling myself and trying to lift up others and make them feel important.

 

[umbrellabeach]

I wouldn't say my goal is to impress people, but I definitely want them to realize that I'm not going to take any crap from them. Most people try to give me crap and patronize me, thinking I won't mind or fight back because I'm quiet and female. But I do. I just want to be treated with equal respect with everyone else.

 

[Brony714]

My problem isn't really wanting to impress people(although sometimes ii do daydream about being something special), but in school, I was torn between wanting to be one of the "cool kids", not giving the south-facing end of a northbound rat about popularity, and deliberately wanting to be an outsider...

 

[SignOfLazarus]

I try to be sensitive about not "bragging". On the other hand, I think it's perfectly find to be proud of ones accomplishments, and be excited to be involved in different things and be good at them and want to share that.

That's sort of where i get tangled up though.
I think it's ok to say "I'm doing this thing and it's awesome and I'm excited and I'm good at it". Everyone wants to be noticed.

I think the motivation is important- are you doing it to be noticed because you fgeel good about it? Or doing it because you want to feel better than other people AND make them feel bad?

Those aren't suggestions of either, just maybe things to think about?

 

[WereBear]

Defensiveness is a natural response when we've been given the cold shoulder during our developmental years. I loathed high school with the heat of a thousand suns, yet that was my first time to have a group of friends. I connected with a group of arty folks, who were used to people off the norm. As geeks and artists and weirdos we were all shunned together!

This taught me to seek friends among like-minded people: science fiction fans, artists and musicians, writers of most kinds.

We cannot blend into most groups. We should stop trying. Even though I live and work among a few very small towns in my area, I have found a mate and good friends. Because I am me, and that does work for some folks.

 

[Mathalamus]

I used to be like that. then i realized no one gave a **** about me, or anything about me. now, i don't bother wasting energy to impress anyone, and i try to hide everything that makes me unique.