Do you feel the need to excel to be taken as average?

[ZebraAutismo]

Do you feel the need to excel to be taken as average? For example I am good (apparently) at math so people take that as being average even though statistically on grades I'm consider above average however to my peers I'm only okay at it because I have autism.

 

[SD_David]

Do you mean that people assume Autistic people are great with maths so you're "average" for being good? Or do you mean having to work harder to not be seen as charity?

 

[Gritches]

One of so many reasons I don't disclose. If people know you're autistic, you could solve world hunger and be told you did good work "for someone with autism".

But yeah, for the few who unfortunately know I have to try ten times harder than with those who don't know just to be acceptable, if I can even achieve that.

 

[Full Steam]

Not sure exactly what you mean, but I'm driven to do my best in any thing I care about.

Mostly that's because it makes me feel good, but there's also a subconscious driver to please people, which is a bit uncomfortable sometimes.

I mean, I like to make people happy, but I sometimes feel like it's too much of a need.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Do you mean that people assume Autistic people are great with maths so you're "average" for being good? Or do you mean having to work harder to not be seen as charity?

Both but I explained it badly. Also if i'm not good at something like English it's seen as more of a thing then it would be for a NT.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

One of so many reasons I don't disclose. If people know you're autistic, you could solve world hunger and be told you did good work "for someone with autism".

But yeah, for the few who unfortunately know I have to try ten times harder than with those who don't know just to be acceptable, if I can even achieve that.

I get you and your amazing for a person.

 

[ZebraAutismo]

Not sure exactly what you mean, but I'm driven to do my best in any thing I care about.

Mostly that's because it makes me feel good, but there's also a subconscious driver to please people, which is a bit uncomfortable sometimes.

I mean, I like to make people happy, but I sometimes feel like it's too much of a need.

Someone told me adequate is perfectly fine you don't have have to always aim for perfection.

 

[Ella Dawn]

Hi, ZebraAspie. Yes, super-driven to achieve beyond-impossible so not rejected, attacked, etc, so people think I have value in at least 1 category

 

[Southern Discomfort]

Do you mean you do your utmost best just so you get seen as average? Because I try to do that with English. Mine has gone downhill in the last 10 years it feels, I'm erroneously using words, do instead of go. I'm writing can be terrible at times. I feel like I'm now dyslexic although I don't think I was like this in school. It's okay here on the internet because so many people just seem to have given up in trying so I, I think, come across as quite good although I'm probably not.

 

[Full Steam]

Do you mean you do your utmost best just so you get seen as average? Because I try to do that with English. Mine has gone downhill in the last 10 years it feels, I'm erroneously using words, do instead of go. I'm writing can be terrible at times. I feel like I'm now dyslexic although I don't think I was like this in school. It's okay here on the internet because so many people just seem to have given up in trying so I, I think, come across as quite good although I'm probably not.

You got to look at the medium too. Forums are fast moving and short life time content (in the main). It's not worth poring over your writing in this format in my opinion.

I'm much more careful with blogs as the life time can be very long.

 

[Southern Discomfort]

You got to look at the medium too. Forums are fast moving and short life time content (in the main). It's not worth poring over your writing in this format in my opinion.

I'm much more careful with blogs as the life time can be very long.

Fair point.

 

[Bolletje]

Someone told me adequate is perfectly fine you don't have have to always aim for perfection.

You know, this is something I always tell others, yet I cannot seem to apply this to myself. I know I'll never reach perfection, but when it comes to knowledge, or more specifically, academic pursuits, I get quite frustrated whenever I feel like I'm "average". Even when I was selected to present my research at an international conference, I felt bummed and wronged for being awarded second place for best presentation.

While I try hard to keep reminding myself that perfection is not an option, I crave validation about my intelligence and prowess.

 

[Bolletje]

Addendum to my last post: I feel like I need to excel academically, for fear of being overlooked otherwise, as I'm quite introverted when I'm around anyone but close friends and family. So in my mind they sort of balance each other out. And then, when people pay attention to me because of my smarts, they can get to know me and I'll be able to open up a little, and we'll all live happily ever after.

 

[Judge]

From my perspective, such a question may be actually asking whether or not those around you relate to you more as a stereotype than as an individual.

Just another reason to keep one's autism on a "need-to-know" basis rather than letting anyone and everyone know, which may "backfire" in such a manner.

I might be quite adept at certain aspects of crunching numbers in finance, but it doesn't mean I can also do quantum mechanics!

 

[ZebraAutismo]

From my perspective, such a question may be actually asking whether or not those around you relate to you more as a stereotype than as an individual.

Just another reason to keep one's autism on a "need-to-know" basis rather than letting anyone and everyone know, which may "backfire" in such a manner.

I might be quite adept at certain aspects of crunching numbers in finance, but it doesn't mean I can also do quantum mechanics!

When I haven't told people it always comes back to bite me.

 

[Judge]

When I haven't told people it always comes back to bite me.

That's interesting. Do you feel that your traits and behaviors are so prominent that it's easy for NTs to perceive you're on the spectrum?

My perception of most anyone around me tends to reflect ignorance or apathy towards neurodiversity in general. They essentially don't know and I don't tell. No matter how aggravating at times I might appear to them for whatever reasons.

The thing is though, once you "open that door" you can't shut it, either. Where you become dependent on the ability of others to have or want an adequate understanding of autism and all the patience and compassion needed to go with it. As a "number cruncher", I find the odds of this working in our favor to be poor.