Constantly. I have always been rejected by other people (apparently I come across as weird or disturbing). I can't say I miss friendship, because I have never had friends, but I desperately want friendship and love. I goes both ways. I feel nothing for people I should be close to. When my father died, nothing. When my mother died, nothing. I have a wife and son, and while I feel a moral obligation to them, if they disappeared in a puff of smoke I would hardly feel anything. Did my being alive make any difference? I like to think so. I invented new analytical and techniques and instrumentation, made a few resource discoveries. As a museum docent, I gave a lot of talks to school classes. Will I ever be a part of society, find love or even like? I don't know. At age 71, I sort of doubt it.
Just remember, you are not alone in these feelings, we are always here to help and support you.
Thank you. I actually see it a bit different and that is I love my dad and feel relatively close to him as well as the rest of my family particularly my brother and my niece. But I am very affectionate and miss a close mother/daughter connection. Women have really disappointed me and the lack of support and affection from them is hard for me.
I am very loving person and the way it has been with no support has climbed over my head. I need people there for me and am not very friend orientated but feel closer to family.
It is not like I would not want friends.
But it is easier to feel affectionate with family and I have really struggled without the guidance from family. But I still feel close to some of them.
I cannot see a life where things are pointless. I have to see a life where it has some meaning and value
I am soft on myself, if I cannot understand something I cannot and I do not need to be myself as an autistic but some things I really cannot understand and they torment me. I just want to understand it and it be good.
And I cannot feel like loneliness or having a need is my fault even if it ends up hurting others, they would just need to find forgiveness and understanding no matter how bad it hurts them and wait for restoration.
Because they made the choice as well when I am really unwell and vulnerable.
If I love someone in a platonic way and that is how I generally feel how am I hurting others but seriously I can fit no box to fit in with others and that hurts because I want to be happy.
And people who.love me for me will not expect me to box sit.
I am sick of being hurt like this as an autistic, it is breaking my heart.
