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Do you apologize for no good reason

T

Turk

Well-Known Member
Ive spent much of my adult life misreading situations. To the point where I couldn't trust my interpretation of them. Based on this I began offering up apologys for my indiscretions, whether I understood them or not.
So here I am many years later, with a better understanding of who I am and how I affect others. Heres the rub. I find myself offering up apologies for minor things, even though Im sure as to where a problem lies, and that is what ppl expect of me. Its almost like Ive created
an expectation of being the one to apologize. With each incident their expectations become more and more ridiculous. Its almost like, now im taking responsiblity for how I affect ppl, that others have no need to be accountable, in my presence. To add another twist, the only ones who expect this behavior of me, are the ones who are aware of my condition. Ive worked very hard at understanding myself and how I impact on others, but its so bitterly disappointing that those who are closest, discriminate agsinst me more than the rest of the NT world. Does anyone else find themselves offering up apologys, just to keep the peace, even when your sure your right.
Cheers
Turk
 
I apologize for no given reason all the time but it's also because I dunno how to make decent conversations and dunno what to say :/
 
Your post describes my experience almost exactly, i find myself apologizing for things like not putting my shoe's in the right spot, having the TV or a game to loud ect, or otherwise apologizing purely because i have no idea whats going on, and it seems to be the only way to keep the peace between my wife and i, and she is the only one aware of my condition, but it seems her expectations of me are higher as a result.
 
Apparently I apologize when I can't be responsible but not when I am responsible according to my partner. I don't apologize during some arguments cause I feel the apology will be help or might make the situation worse.
 
Joel I said:
Apparently I apologize when I can't be responsible but not when I am responsible according to my partner. I don't apologize during some arguments cause I feel the apology will be help or might make the situation worse.
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Im pretty sure NT's really dont know what to expect from us Joel. The conditions around apologys are just as confusing as the rest of their world. My wife use to tell me, she just wanted an apology or accountability, even if I didnt understand. So I gave it to her. Now an apology has lost all meaning, because I offer it up too soon or too frequently. Despite previous comments that I dont need understand, to offer an apology, it seems without understanding, its worthless. Took this problem to my Physcologist, to which he said. The entire human race is flawed, each of us no better or worse. But unfortunately when the medical profession shines a spotlight on you, no one pays attention to those standing in the shadows. There will occasions when we are right, but our history will dictate, whether it gets a fair hearing. Ultimately all we're left with, is an apology, that could go either way, regardless of our intent. As a result Joel, I dont offer my apology straight away, anymore . I usually wait until the rant is over. To offer it too quickly is seen as trying to stop them vent, especially if you interrupt them to say it. Listen, mull over whats been said then offer apology. Timing is everything when it comes to convincing others
 
I'm sorry, what did you say? ;) Well really that's how I feel about ___ but if you feel ___ then I'm sorry I disagree with you. What's that? Oh...I'm sorry...

I'm sorry for being 5 minutes late...[when the other person does not care@!] By the way I forgot what this thread is about; I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm sorry!@

I HATE it! Grrrr I can't stop it. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to get upset ;) I find myself saying "I'm sorry" so many times...most people imo are not sensitive. So for us to keep saying "I'm sorry" must look weak or alien to them.

I'm sorry, am I insulting anyone here? ;) Aaaaaarrrrrrrrgggggggg!
 
Yessssssssssss! This **** is my life.

I also say, "I know this sounds weird/stupid/ strange/ you name it but . . . " and then I say what I really think. Not 'cause I even see how it's weird just if I at all think it would be perceived this way by other people I "play it safe" and give the "abnormal disclaimer." :p
 
Oh man dont even get me started on the whole apology thing. I used to be worse, actually -- since it is difficult for me to tell if someone is angry with me or not, my response to any negative emotion was always a quick, insincere apology. Itworks kind of like a bandaid, fixing any emotional situation so I never had to deal with it.

Nowadays I take what is probably a better standpoint. Since I stopped hoping people would like me and magially be my friend, I sort of don't care what they think of me. I am the way I am and they can deal with it... if they think I'm being a douche, well it's a good thing I'm not very good at figuring that sort of thing out...
 
I was going to say the same thing as Flinty. I am Canadian so it kind of comes with the territory. Apparently. Lol.

I can really relate to your posts though, Turk. I am so used to being the one out of step and to have my comments or opinions or whatever misinterpreted or taken in the wrong context that I always have a 'sorry' poised for launch. And often with an 'I didn't mean it that way' chaser.

I'm tired of having to constantly apologise for myself. They're always sincere usually but I do cherish those times where someone tells me that I don't have to, that they understand the spirit in which I'm communicating (rare though). I don't know if its a habit that I'll be able to break, its kind of funny, because I have to apologise to people for coming across rude or whatever, bothering them, but then when I do encounter a person who says, 'stop apologising, I 'get' you, really don't do it, its even a bit irritating' I can't seem to stop and so I end up annoying them, too. Sigh :p
 
It took me a while to figure out what was meant by this so in reflection yes I do. I apologize all the time. I say I am sorry a lot. I don't know if it is because I feel like I did something wrong or if it is a preemptive I don't mean to hurt your feelings, or in some cases my way of saying I think I'm supposed to care about x,y,or z but I don't necessarily or so I say it because I have been told you are to say sorry for whatever the reason was...
 
I think I've done my share of apologizing in the past. However quite frankly, now that I have a better understanding of what I'm all about, I see myself being far more selective about where to apologize. Maybe I'm just getting old and set in my ways...lol.

But I see myself as different. That doesn't automatically translate into being "wrong"...even if facing a social majority. Does that make sense?

Sometimes it's perfectly ok to agree to disagree.
 
Kailee said:
I always do that, and it causes most of mine and my mom's arguments.
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LOL....the dynamics of a parent and child arguing are somewhat different. One (the parent) usually claims hegemony over the other. For life! :eek:
 
Judge said:
I think I've done my share of apologizing in the past. However quite frankly, now that I have a better understanding of what I'm all about, I see myself being far more selective about where to apologize. Maybe I'm just getting old and set in my ways...lol.

But I see myself as different. That doesn't automatically translate into being "wrong"...even if facing a social majority. Does that make sense?

Sometimes it's perfectly ok to agree to disagree.
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No that makes perfect sense Judge. I think when theyre offered up, without thought, we devalue them. The only way to have them appreciate them, is to be more selective. And yes after decades of sorry, to head of unwanted emotion or conversation, I have also come to this same conclusion
 
Oh god, WAY too much. It's become my default response to pretty much any situation where I don't know what else to say.
I really need to unlearn that.
 
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