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malanga

New Member
I'm not asking for a diagnosis, it recently dawned on me that my father might be autistic, He's 67 so I'm not going to do anything about it, I just want some closure after growing up in my toxic family that wasn't perfect otherwise anyways. So here are some examples:

- walks into the room and starts talking about something when I have no possibility of knowing his previous train of thought, he's been clearly pondering on in another room. eg Once he said out of the blue 'we should change it' (he meant his email password that he thought was too easy but it took me a minute to get it out of him)
- can't tell a white lie. Eg. he answered the phone once and it was a guy I didn't want to talk to so I mouthed and shook my head to make my dad say that I wasn't home, he instead said 'I don't know, it seems like she doesn't want to come to the phone'
- if he started saying something, but some other circumstances arose while he was speaking rendering what he was talking about moot, he will still finish his reasoning-this is often correlated with him never admitting to being wrong
- he's a hoarder and a miser (to the point he sits in the dark, even in the bathroom)
- doesn't go to weddings (except for this one time the wedding was in a town where he spent his early childhood)
- the only time he spent with me, was when we did 'his thing' (eg gardening) and dismissed 'my thing' or didn't acknowledge it's existence at all
- he doesn't react to unexpected problems, even if he's the source of them. He freezes, or acts like a puppy who shat on the carpet but doesn't get why someone is mad at him (eg my mother had depression with 2 psychotic episodes and he just' waited it out' while me and my sister were losing the ground beneath out feet).
- once I saw his letter to some service provider explaining some misunderstanding and he writes in a 'stream of consciousness' kind of way but in bullet points
- on every letter/bill he writes the date when he opened it

Does any of this sound familiar?
Before I tried to chalk up all of his character to many different things (eg. his family moved to an industrial area from a rural area when he was 8 so maybe he felt out of place, but then again his sisters adapted well and he was only 8)
 
It's possible. Especially if he writes every date he opened on a letter or a bill, because a symptom of autism is repetitive behavior.
 
I'm not sure, but I have the same feeling with my Dad, he's eaten off of the same fork for over 40 years, follows the same routine every day, sits in the same seat, has his 'special interest' - politics, which he rants about constantly and doesn't seem to understand no one cares! He has zero sympathy/empathy for anyone and real difficulty seeing things from anyone else's point of view.

My Mum tried to commit suicide once when I was 17 and my Dad made me go to work a few hours later, he said there was nothing to be upset about and shouted at me for crying. So I think I have some understanding of your perspective, it's frustrating, but we can't change anyone or their responses. In the same way the people we're thinking about can't help who they are, and to some extent, how they respond. It's just one of those things everyone have to learn to adapt to and live with. :)

As an aside, I told my Dad I thought he was autistic in some way and he said 'didn't exist in my day...', so that's the end of that I guess! :D
 
i second zebra aspie, its not all typical aspie or autie behavior,but your dad even sounds like me in some points-ie expecting other people to know what your thinking/talking about;thats known as a theory of mind issue and is part of ASD.

my dad is 69 and informally diagnosed with aspergers,he sounds a lot like your dad...just saying,im not at all trying to diagnose your dad.
 
I'm not sure, but I have the same feeling with my Dad, he's eaten off of the same fork for over 40 years, follows the same routine every day, sits in the same seat, has his 'special interest' - politics, which he rants about constantly and doesn't seem to understand no one cares! He has zero sympathy/empathy for anyone and real difficulty seeing things from anyone else's point of view.

My Mum tried to commit suicide once when I was 17 and my Dad made me go to work a few hours later, he said there was nothing to be upset about and shouted at me for crying. So I think I have some understanding of your perspective, it's frustrating, but we can't change anyone or their responses. In the same way the people we're thinking about can't help who they are, and to some extent, how they respond. It's just one of those things everyone have to learn to adapt to and live with. :)

As an aside, I told my Dad I thought he was autistic in some way and he said 'didn't exist in my day...', so that's the end of that I guess! :D

Do you feel like living with your dad drove your mom to it? Because that was the case in my house. And I think we can change them somewhat, if you start young, at least make them know they should listen to others more as they can't trust their perspectives, it's obviously too late for my family, we're all mental cases now
 
i second zebra aspie, its not all typical aspie or autie behavior,but your dad even sounds like me in some points-ie expecting other people to know what your thinking/talking about;thats known as a theory of mind issue and is part of ASD.

my dad is 69 and informally diagnosed with aspergers,he sounds a lot like your dad...just saying,im not at all trying to diagnose your dad.

What do you mean by informally diagnosed? And what other behavior does your dad manifest?
 
So often people post their suspicions and quite often I say to myself, "Yeah, they're on the spectrum". Interesting to itemize such traits and behaviors with such detail. However collectively IMO they don't solidly reflect ASD. In this case I just get the impression it may be something else.

Hard to say, though it may still reflect very low-level, high-functioning autism.

While he clearly exhibits a sense of being self-centered, equally it doesn't seem to rise to a level of narcissism either. I suppose providing more information might provide more light on the issue. In any event it's an interesting case. Thanks for sharing.
 
What do you mean by informally diagnosed? And what other behavior does your dad manifest?
my old autism specialists from years back said he had aspergers but didnt make it a diagnosis on paper, hes not bothered making it a formal diagnosis as he copes with life.
he is a classic aspie, has restricted obsessions-his are weather and gardning,he is socially awkward and only talks about weather, but he will talk about it with anyone whether its an old lady who has just stopped to ask him the time or the local children-or me.
he thinks everyone is able to know what he is on about but im guilty of the same thing.
he is emotionally cold and never expresses love to anyone including my mum [both still married and together] and he hates hugs, he thinks love is expressed by giving us money,but he is a very kind guy in his own way,i never saw this until i was in my twenties as he clashed with me so much,we both wanted things our way and based on our own routines which never worked.
he has significant gross and fine motor skills problems.
he has auditory processing problems.
he has a strict routine right down to the time as well and it upsets him if a change happens.
he has a very limited diet though not for sensory reasons.
he doesnt know how to make and maintain friendships,but he will do anything for people who ask-its like he thinks he can buy friends.
he is very rigid with rules of any kind.
--all of the formally and informally diagnosed autistics [2 diagnosed-dads niece and nephew,1 informal-dads brother]come from his side of the family,we havent looked further down the line to see who else was or could have been autistic.
i should also point out my sister is aspie,she was assessed for it at 19 but was told girls dont get autism and was diagnosed with social anxiety disorder, handed a propranalol script and told to get on with life, she used a lot of self help books to better her autism,she has took after most of my dads family who are all academically gifted,i took after my mums side.

he currently is on his first ever holiday abroad on a cruise in the caribean with my mum,massive upheaval for both of them,he booked it along time ago and has been preparing for it ever since.
 
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