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Featured Do people trust you unsually?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Moonhart44, Nov 12, 2020.

  1. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    This past week at work I have been noticing (to me what are) strange things. My coworker, who is a little older than me, asked me about her drawing. it was strange because she asked in a cute manner, like I was her superior. It made me think that she respected me, and I found that unusual haha
    People have also been telling me a lot of secrets lately. I think its ironic because I feel that my problem with Theory of Mind kind of makes me a C- secret keeper. I sometimes have this feeling (or actually often) that everyone already knows what I do.
    My boss asked me about a managerial position a few weeks ago too. I think, i cant even keep my house clean and i am on the verge of eviction because of that, and you want me to be a manager?!

    i guess discuss if people often confide in you. I feel strange that not only am i able to scare people away immediately, but i am also somehow able to get them to feel safe around me.
     
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  2. Thinx

    Thinx Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You're bright and you think outside the box, this is the upside, and people at work notice, and value you. But I know what you mean about that stark contrast between the intelligent creative thinker and the person at home who has piles of stuff on every surface and only washes up when the dishes run out. That's the unevenness of us. I haven't found it matters too much though, really. Just don't invite anyone from work home...
     
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  3. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    People have always trusted me unusually, which has been useful when I wanted to lie. Not that I do that anymore. :cool:
     
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  4. dragonfire42

    dragonfire42 Perpetual outsider

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    People don’t typically tell me secrets or anything, but they will discuss very personal things in-depth with their close friends while I’m sitting right next to them. Could be because they at least trust me not to gossip, but I strongly suspect it’s more because they basically forget I’m there (I usually seem to be “socially invisible” - people see me enough not to run into me or try to sit on top of me, and I may even get a perfunctory greeting, but otherwise, I may as well not even exist).
     
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  5. Alexej

    Alexej Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Hi @Moonhart44 - I dont follow from poor ToM to C - secret keeper. Can you please clarify? I have poor ToM myself.
     
  6. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    I wish they did. Most people underestimate my ability to do what I say. So when I say, "I will do this." they think I am overestimating my skill-talent-strength-determination. They do not trust my follow-thru.

    I've actually had people be upset because I did something I said I'd do and they thought it was just hot air. They'd completely discounted me and continued on the assumption it wouldn't/couldn't happen. This upset their plans and somehow it was suddenly my fault.
     
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  7. HeroOfHyrule

    HeroOfHyrule Chicken Chaser

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    People do share things with me and ask things of me that they wouldn't with other people. It's probably because I am quiet and eager to please people, so they don't worry about me being intentionally rude or telling others what they did/said. I don't know if I agree with their judgement, but it is nice to be trusted. lol
     
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  8. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Haha... This is why my avatar is what it is. At some point in my life when I was feeling a bit small, someone who could see me clearly called me "Bear". I am not small and I am pretty dominant. We often have a very different picture of ourselves than what others see or sense in us. The amount of trauma we suffer makes us feel small when we are actually quite powerful.

    It is your power that scares people away. Not so much mistakes.

    The pattern (pairing of Understanding driven + Respect driven) is why we constantly end up in relationships with controlling narcissists and have one parent who is respect driven. These people are what I call negative energy people. They drain us and take our power. They make us feel small. Breaking from the pattern allows us to see our power.

    Seeing your power is important!

    I am also someone that people confide in quite easily. This is because I am two things. I am extra-cultural (ASD) and understanding driven (ADD) which means I am non-judgmental and caring. I also tend to project authority. I am stable but NTs cannot figure out what is up with me... they cannot see the ASD. The funny thing is.... that I cannot mask properly yet I look NT to them yet I am totally odd. Only recently did I meet another one that is almost exactly like me... pretty cool to know there are others out there, lol!
     
  9. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    haha i always think that way, but when it comes down to it, i just speak the truth
     
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  10. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yeh i think at work there is someone like me, in that he communicates the same way as me, and he also has expressed in the past he has had problems understanding whether people could read his mind, so i am thinking he is more than just NT. We click because we can understand each other. Sometimes I dont even like to use words or just make sounds or gestures and he does that too and we dont have to second guess each other. yes, it is good knowing that youre not truly alone.
     
  11. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    From what I understand theory of mind has something to do with not understanding that people dont know whats going on in your mind. I feel this affects my secret keeping because sometimes I just tell secrets only because I am assuming everyone knows, or that I am the last to know. I believe this stems from poor Theory of Mind because when i was young, i thought quite literally people could read my mind, and/or they were always watching me. i hope i answered your quesiton?
     
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  12. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I dont get why people can be bitter about other people's follow through
     
  13. Ursus Chainus

    Ursus Chainus Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Ok... here is some real strangeness!

    Although I may have lost the connection with the one like me because that connection is so strong (I closed off the connection on my side to let her get on with her life and work with her own energy). Really with us primals... we have brains from before language. There is something very strange about a connection with someone so much like me. There is actual communication down the connection. In a big connection, I can feel the other person's trauma and help them heal. Unfortunately, they feel my trauma as well.

    I am mostly self healed but I do have scars and they create something I call echos in the connection. I am so scientific... this stuff is strange. From this last experience I have a much better understanding of this deep communication! Our brains also connect a bit like networked computers.

    One thing I hate with some of the connections, is that the women harvest my energy for their respect driven man. Basically I patch them up energetically then they give that energy to their man. I was scared to death that would happen in the big connection because I would not be able to close it fast enough without serious new trauma. They really don't understand when they harvest my energy. I have had to end so many relationships due to this. These friends and connections I lost were all precious to me. I still care deeply about the ones that harvested my energy and understand that was something they could not control. It is just so destructive.

    I accidentally drained (not harvested) my big connection person because I talked about my friend at work and the horrible feelings that came from that relationship exploding. Basically if it had been all over and the work relationship did not exist, then it would be ok. It wasn't because I still work with her. It was still active.

    So... before you open connections, make sure you have non-draining relationships. NEVER talk about your man to another man who is connected to you unless your man is an energy giver, not a taker (and you don't really know that until quite a while into the relationship.) Inviting the energy of another into a connection is like inviting someone you just met to dinner without telling your partner. Your relationship work is your relationship work. Support is only there to get you permanently out of a situation that is bad.

    So scientifically, I feel connections are simply hyper contextual understanding of another person who is enough like you that you feel them deeply. Pretty odd stuff!

    I am sure this all seems nuts!:confused:o_O:D It sure does to me!
     
  14. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member

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    I completely relate to this. I generally avoid social interaction (especially when it involves more than one person) and therefore come off as aloof and cold to most people, I’m sure, but when I do interact with someone I ask him/her a lot of questions. It’s my strategy for avoiding having to speak, since I have so much trouble with verbal communication (most people are thrilled to talk about themselves, so it works out perfectly). I actually really love listening to people speak, though, so I imagine it softens them up: because I show interest in their thoughts and lives, they trust me quickly and feel safe confiding in me.
     
  15. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I definitely can feel a connection with certain people. Like, this is not scientific wording, but I can feel their story through some "aura" around them. I can tell through their "energy" what the person is about. One girl I worked with I was immediately um, i guess defensive of her (watched out for her) because I felt something from her that she had gone through a great struggle, and later she told me that she really did. I do not think people feel that I have any trauma on my side. People are quite surprised when they figure out if i am troubled, and they think nothing truly bothers me.

    I have a problem with the harvesting of energy, but its more like me trying to control myself from giving my energy to them. I do talk down on myself a lot, but at the same time, I can be extraordinary, and sometimes if i see someone who is not extraordinary, I want to make them that way. The problem with that is, there is no reciprocation, and often, a very uphill battle, because being above average of course takes above average effort sometimes. I had a close friend that I would do this with. it lasted 10 years. by pushing her to greatness against her "nonmotivation" to do anything, it dragged me down to. it made me toxic too because i would get frustrated adn think negatively about her. I realized this last year and we ended our friendshpi (messily). I miss her, but I know that she takes my energy and doesnt give any in return. Right now I am realizing, these sort of people dont want to get better but they just want to be babied, and I am not a Mother.

    Its very easy to not talk about my guy at work because of this. There may be one guy who i have a connection with, but I also am not attracted to him at all (and honestly I couldnt tell you why XD). The other men there who try to get me to talk about the bad things in my relationship, I just i guess dissuade the conversation to continue.
     
  16. Moonhart44

    Moonhart44 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Yeh i think maybe our tendency to listen makes people want to just spill the beans
    sometimes when i dont want to talk i just start asking questions about the person. 'i think, excellent i saved me from 5 minutes of "small talk" topics'
     
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  17. LunaticCentruroides

    LunaticCentruroides New Member

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    I am like you lol… I did experience this a million of times, especially with men, but also with women. The phrase I heard many times was “I never trusted someone so fast ever in my life”.. Don’t know if it was true, but I heard it so many times with all kind of different people…
    Sometimes I feel like it’s because of our more rational approach to things, so we seem to be intelligent for others. For a lot of aspies this is the case. I know about myself that I do listen to people very well and seriously. I take everybody seriously, but I don’t feel taken seriously by many NT’s. I have the experience with other people with AS to be taken seriously, but less with NT. So we’re automatically superhumans for them. I do enjoy it for sure.

    But there’s so much more stuff I could tell about this…