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Do people like us get jealous?

Tony Ramirez

Tony Ramirez

Single. True friend's.
V.I.P Member
If you read my last post I am bitter about being single and insanely jealous of most of my friends who are married some with kids.

I am jealous I am single. I am jealous I don't have many female friends. I am jealous I am not successful. I am jealous I could not do College. I am jealous I can't talk to woman I don't know. I am jealous I don't have a girlfriend.

Those are just some of the things that I am jealous. Is it normal for ASD to feel like this?
 
I would not say it's jealousy. It sounds more like a normal and natural reaction to being disabled and feeling defeated. Anyone would feel the same.

But that is not to gaslight you. If you say you are jealous, then you are. But it is natural to feel bad when you are a member of a species and you feel like you cannot partake in the same things other do.

Others may respond by feeling shame, defeat, dishonoured, depression, anger, etc. At least you are not enraged. That could lead to disaster!
 
I experience neither jealousy or envy, though I don't really know why. To date I've found nothing to indicate that it has anything to do with autism.

Though I can certainly rationalize that for better or worse, we must live our own lives and not those of others. Focus on the resources that you believe you have rather that to look at those of others.

Better to let your logic guide you rather than your emotions.
 
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Think that you need to develop a sense of competence and inner strength Tony. Those kinds of things don't happen quickly, but maybe school or a job might do those things.

Start by taking a first step like a course online, in something that interests you, finish it and move one to something else. Try not to put up barriers to others, although only you can change your perspective about that, with time and interaction that might change.

How you feel about not having something that you want is valid. People do think those things. It's moving beyond that to do things for yourself that's important. Some of the other things just might happen as a result of feeling good about yourself eventually.
 
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I don't feel jealousy, I could care less what other people have. I have enough on my plate and a job that challenges me to do all the things that I'm not very good at, like talking to people I don't know. I'll agree with some of the others and go out on a limb and say that you need to do something (anything) to challenge yourself. Volunteer or something, do whatever you have to in order to confront your fears and phobias. That's the only way I know personally how to get over things that are hard to nearly impossible for me to do.
 
Tony Ramirez said:
Do what? I can't talk to girls I don't know.
Click to expand...

Stop obsessing over it, for one.

As I've mentioned elsewhere at other times to other people who have gone through this one (including a couple of people I know in person): People, NTs in particular, can ABSOLUTELY TELL when you're obsessed with finding/meeting girls or having a relationship or something like that (believe me, it shows). Most can also sense high levels of jealousy. Often, either of these things will push people away. Gonna make it so much harder to make friends or whatever.

You're spending so much time thinking only about the negative, that the negative has total control over you.

Until you can do something about that... you will not get what you are after.

But also, you're not DOING anything about it. And no, something like a online dating site doesnt count as "doing something", in case you were about to respond with something like that.

"Doing something" in this case isnt going to mean "get a girlfriend", but instead it's going to mean "take back control of yourself and get it together".

Get up, get away from the computer, and DO something. Get a hobby. A hobby that doesnt involve chasing girls. Bring in some positive things that you can actually DO, and improve yourself and your mood in the process. Get out there and exercise. Not to meet girls, but to keep and improve your health. AND your mood. Drink freaking water! I say that all the time and nobody ever listens.

What you SHOULDNT do is just sit on this forum making these threads over and over. All you're doing is creating a "woe is me" echo chamber. Exactly what purpose do you think this has? Reinforcing the negative? That aint helping you.

People here can give advice, sure. But only YOU can make the changes that you need to make. And I'm telling ya, the biggest change you need to make is to STOP OBSESSING OVER IT.

Get up, get away from that computer, and find some activities to do. FORCE yourself. Get yourself out of this rut that you're stuck in. It's more important than you realize. But we cant do it for you.

You can keep making these threads if you want, but no progress will be made through them... keep that in mind.
 
It's not helped by diagnostic techniques which make males more diagnosable than females. Women learn to multitask young, males who can stand out.
A second issue is normalisation. We're kept apart from each other as a result, and because we're not normal we're ostracised. That happened to me when I was 9, and it took me till I was 60 to be diagnosed, because I was barred from testing - the Tavistock added me to the baseline group in extending IQ testing to kids and forgot to tell me I'm a 163 genius. So now I'm furious.
 
I don't get envious of people for having lovers or kids at all, but I do get envious of them for having cars and real careers.

I'm using the word envious because envy is the proper word for when you want something somebody else has. Jealousy is when you are afraid someone will take away something you already do have.:)
 
I used to be very jealous of other women, especially my stepsisters, cousins, and certain celebrities, because they have men in their lives and I didn't. I even got mad at my brother's girlfriend over this once. After my divorce, however, I could not care less if or when I get another man, because it's not important to me now. I'm not saying that I don't like men anymore, I just think that there is a right place and time for this kind of thing.

Misery is right about finding a hobby; I have since started to learn Japanese, learned new crafting skills (such as jewelry making), colored pictures for the sake of calmness and picked up on guitar and piano again. I have also been more outgoing.

I do apologize if this is not a post you like, just offering my two cents.
 
I can't really recall ever being jealous of anyone, I might like a better car or house etc., but if someone has a better one it doesn't bother me.

On a personal level perhaps if someone close was valuing others feelings above mine it irritates me (as in "what will the neighbours think if the grass is too tall" when I don't care what they think)
 
It's hard not to be jealous when you try, socializing and talking to girls then something like Covid stops you. Meanwhile, someone during Covid gets engaged and a girlfriend in my life group. It's just not fair.
 
Kevin1968 said:
I can't really recall ever being jealous of anyone, I might like a better car or house etc., but if someone has a better one it doesn't bother me.

On a personal level perhaps if someone close was valuing others feelings above mine it irritates me (as in "what will the neighbours think if the grass is too tall" when I don't care what they think)
Click to expand...

What is interesting here is that the diagnosis is handicapping you artificially. I couldn't be diagnosed, so rose to be come Chief FX Dealer in a major corporate Treasury before moving on to become a Crisis Manager specialist in economics in the European State Department.

I'm high-functioning with normal mentality other than two traits I'd like to fathom. My major difference is I used my brain fully, near to 100%, so some people run into trouble following my explanations - they can't handle the volume...
 
Can't remember a time when I had strong feelings of envy or jealousy, not enough to let it consume me. So no, not all of us. Don't ask me why because I don't know, and that doesn't cover the rest of my emotional range either.

That whole single minded focus on relationships and everyone else this, everyone else that is destructive as other people on the forum have shown, and it's a sign that you should find something else to occupy your time.
 
I think the more you let something consume you (girlfriends, boyfriends, perfect donuts, fastest car), it does take over our thinking until it is only our thinking. This is what this forum is trying to tell you. That to step back from this and find perhaps something that interests you that you think about it. Even a distraction passion is better then only thinking of just this. So perhaps learning a new language, learning a new skill, a job, a volunteer position if you can't work due to getting disability monies. Everybody here really is trying to help you understand this.
 
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