Do NTs like wasting time? Kinda upset

[Deanna1117]

After dance class, I normally leave straight away, but after some annoying incident involving people forgetting to tell me things, my mom's been hugging me to try and fit in more, to join their group.
So today I joined my classmates and teacher in having dinner at McDonalds. I had to get a Filet-O-Fish, the smallest thing I could get without arousing suspicion. Urghhhhhhhhhh I was carving health food for once and now I have this gross oily thing in my stomach and tastebuds.
So I wasted half an hour there. We weren't chatting or anything, everyone was using their own phones. I had finished eating and was waiting for at least 10 mins when I checked the bus schedule and found my bus was coming (they were taking a different one in the other direction) and if I missed it I'd have to wait another 20 mins.
So I got up, explained about the bus and said my goodbyes. My teacher looked really shocked when she asked "Are you going already?" I made my escape, but now I can't stop thinking about it. Should I have stayed longer? Should I have just left when class ended like I wanted to?
If it was just classmates I wouldn't really care, but my teacher's opinion of me matters a lot. Will she think I'm selfish or something?
Keep in mind, on the way to class we had already wasted at least 45 mins on walking slowly therefore missing a train and a bus. I feel slowly driven crazy by their slowness. Do they have nothing else to do? Do they not want to go home?
Everything feels so pointless. I'll never fit in, and I'm not even sure I'd want to.

 

[Baeraad]

The majority of people (not everyone, not even every NT, but more than half of the population) find the proximity of other people relaxing and prefer it to solitude. No, I don't understand why, either. They just do.

I've been in the same situation plenty of times - staying long enough in a vague social situation to feel like I'm going insane, but not long enough to seem "normal." For what it's worth, I do think it's good that you made the effort. Even if you left early, you've at least signalled some kind of solidarity. That might help in the future, especially if you can bring yourself to keep doing similar things... which, admittedly, I know can feel hard.

 

[Deanna1117]

I've been in the same situation plenty of times - staying long enough in a vague social situation to feel like I'm going insane, but not long enough to seem "normal." For what it's worth, I do think it's good that you made the effort. Even if you left early, you've at least signalled some kind of solidarity. That might help in the future, especially if you can bring yourself to keep doing similar things... which, admittedly, I know can feel hard.

Thanks, I hope so
I just get so frustrated, especially when I'm dying to go home so I can finally relax.
I feel kind of sad when other people seem like really good friends and I get left out, but I wouldn't want to do most of the stuff they do anyway. I wish everyone would just have limited social interaction, so I could be on even footing, if that makes sense.

 

[Suzanne]

I have spent more than my fair share, doing what nts what me to do and now, I have said: no more and of course, there is a lot of backlas, but no amount of talking can induce me to do what they want me to do, because I am sick and tired of being bored, or too sensitive etc, to my surroundings and that helps me to stick to no more.

 

[Baeraad]

Thanks, I hope so
I just get so frustrated, especially when I'm dying to go home so I can finally relax.
I feel kind of sad when other people seem like really good friends and I get left out, but I wouldn't want to do most of the stuff they do anyway. I wish everyone would just have limited social interaction, so I could be on even footing, if that makes sense.

Yeah, it makes perfect sense. In fact, I vaguely recall feeling precisely the same thing at your age. I didn't want to take part in all the stupid crap my classmates got up to, because it was exhausting and never any fun, but I also didn't want to feel excluded.

I wish I could tell you to just stay on your own where it's comfortable, but unfortunately all the stupid NT bonding rituals do have some practical utility - like you said, you want them to at least remember that you exist to the extent that they tell you stuff you need to know. And of course, sometimes, rarely, you actually do meet someone you actually want to talk to. But it's okay to not enjoy it, and it's okay to not overdo it.

 

[Deanna1117]

Yeah, it makes perfect sense. In fact, I vaguely recall feeling precisely the same thing at your age. I didn't want to take part in all the stupid crap my classmates got up to, because it was exhausting and never any fun, but I also didn't want to feel excluded.

I wish I could tell you to just stay on your own where it's comfortable, but unfortunately all the stupid NT bonding rituals do have some practical utility - like you said, you want them to at least remember that you exist to the extent that they tell you stuff you need to know. And of course, sometimes, rarely, you actually do meet someone you actually want to talk to. But it's okay to not enjoy it, and it's okay to not overdo it.

Thank you
It’s so nice to be able to talk to other people who understand.
Last week I left immediately after class to go do something with my mom, but not only did she not appreciate me wanting to be with her, she told me off for not waiting to leave with everyone else like a "normal" person. It feels like nothing I do is the perfect solution.

 

[Baeraad]

Thank you
It’s so nice to be able to talk to other people who understand.

No problem. Welcome to the site, by the way, hope you'll like it here. I'm kind of new here myself, but so far everyone has been really nice.

Last week I left immediately after class to go do something with my mom, but not only did she not appreciate me wanting to be with her, she told me off for not waiting to leave with everyone else like a "normal" person. It feels like nothing I do is the perfect solution.

If she's anything like my mom was when I was growing up, she's worried about you being cut off and missing out on life, and that makes her yell. (come to think of it, twenty years later my mom kind of still yells at me when she's worried about me... ) Though I agree that it was kind of hurtful for her to do it when you were trying to spend time with her.

 

[Deanna1117]

If she's anything like my mom was when I was growing up, she's worried about you being cut off and missing out on life, and that makes her yell. (come to think of it, twenty years later my mom kind of still yells at me when she's worried about me... ) Though I agree that it was kind of hurtful for her to do it when you were trying to spend time with her.

Yeah, I know she loves and worries about me. She gives really weird compliments like I'm "brave and not afraid to be different from the crowd", which annoys me sometimes because I didn't choose to be different.
She really wants me to have friends and stuff, but she doesn't understand that I'm usually happy the way I am.

 

[Tom]

Not wanting to participate in social gatherings (especially with people you don't know well) is about as close to an universal trait with us as you can get. But moods and attitudes do shift so you may feel differently at times. If I am in an adventurous mood social things can be great fun or rewarding (like with family).

 

[Tom]

As far as wasting time, I suspect we probably do it as much as NTs. We just like to do it mostly alone.

 

[paloftoon]

The best advice I can give is that you can control the amount you give out. It's good that you try to open that door, but hey if it doesn't work out, don't go again. Sometimes, it's good to do something once just so you can say you did it. It gives you more confidence to be able to say that you already tried someone's suggestion and that it just didn't work out unfortunately. And that you've decided you want to try this thing instead. If someone else asks you, invite them to something else outside of organized group that is convenient for you and something you want to do. If an acquaintance is advising you and you don't like that they are advising you, instead of telling them that, try to tell them that you would like it if they met up with you at some event you were planning on going to anyway.

 

[Michael Balog]

This happens every time me and the wife go out to dinner with our sisters. They finish eating and sit around talking about stuff and torture me sometimes 2 hrs past when they have finished. They know I don’t like to sit around that long after we eat but I’m told it’s polite to socialize with them cause we haven’t seen them for awhile.

 

[BraidedPony]

I'm not positive, but when an NT says, Are you leaving so soon?...it means I liked having you here and sorry you are leaving.
Almost like an automatic thing they say, they arent judging you.
When I leave a gathering, usually I am the first to leave, I will give an excuse like...I hate to go so soon but...(insert excuse here). It doesnt have to be a big deal either, like homework, laundry, let the dog out, Amazon left a delivery at your door...

 

[tree]

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Leaving so soon?

Leaving so soon?
1. A polite, somewhat rhetorical inquiry to a guest who is leaving a social meeting sooner than expected.
A: "Well, thank you for dinner, but I really must get back to the house."
B: "Aw, leaving so soon? We were going to play a few board games after dessert!"


(Are you) leaving so soon?
and You leaving so soon?
a polite inquiry made to a guest who has announced a departure. (Appropriate only for the first few guests to leave. It would seem sarcastic to say this to the last guest to leave or one who is leaving very late at night.)

Sue: We really must go. Sally: Leaving so soon? Sue: Fred has to catch a plane at five in the morning. John (seeing Tom at the door): You leaving so soon? Tom: Yes, thanks for inviting me. I really have to go. John: Well, good night, then.

Leaving so soon?

 

[christopher.k]

well i dont have much to add here but welcome! but your classmates being neurotipicall probably just find talking pleasurable enough that there not concerned in moving quickly along and being productive

and while i think enduring unstimulating social periods is important ill also say that you seem to-me-to have a good focused attitude that i wish i had when i was your age!-might have even got a job by now if i had

 

[Isadoorian]

Welcome to the Forums! I hope you make new friends and enjoy your stay in the process!

You do you and leave when you're done your classes, you're not obligated to stay for any amount of time further than you need, some people just like to try and control when people can and can't leave.

Much like the infuriating [insert Mocking Spongebob here] "i DiSmIsS yOu, NoT tHe BeLl!!11!!!" teachers, because like hell you do Teacher person, you don't get paid to play the role of the school bell, you get paid to TEACH, it's in your damn title of profession.

 

[Progster]

So I wasted half an hour there. We weren't chatting or anything, everyone was using their own phones.

This is the bit that I don't get. I get that people like to talk to each other, spend time together because that's what (NT) people do to socialise. What I don't get is hanging out together then each person using their own phone. What's the point in that? Why bother meet up if you are just going to be on your phone all the time? They might as well go home.

 

[Isadoorian]

This is the bit that I don't get. I get that people like to talk to each other, spend time together because that's what (NT) people do to socialise. What I don't get is hanging out together then each person using their own phone. What's the point in that? Why bother meet up if you are just going to be on your phone all the time? They might as well go home.

Sadly that's what's "hip" with the current Generation (be it both Millenials and Gen Zers). Everything's based around phones and such. Much like how the ways of society that's changing, so are the ways of socializing.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

So you hang out with boring kids... and end up surprised you were bored? And who the heck wants to go to McDonalds after reaching the age of 10? You do know that now that you've eaten McDonalds it's going to take at least 7 years before your heart disease risk goes down? Why? To fit in? Why would you want to fit in with people that are going to die early?

If you are meeting someone and they are looking at their phone the whole time they are suffering from social media induced brain damage, so just leave. They're just iphone vegetables. Your teacher was probably more like "Oh come on I have to do this for work, you are going leave me alone to be the gardener?!". In this situation it's best to give her a gaze that says "Yes lady, don't make me suffer for your career choice".

What else are you going to do? Waste parts of your precious life just doing nothing because of social pressure? It's her that is wrong for even having the gall to say something like that. If it was me I'd be like "Yes you should go, don't worry I'll be sure to water the vegetables".

 

[Misery]

I can definitely sympathize with all of this.

For me though, I have absolutely zero patience, and tend to be strong-willed. If I dont want to do anything... no amount of social pressure is going to get me to do it. People I know are going off to do something boring? Great, fine. Go do that. I'll be here, doing something that doesnt make my sanity drool out my ears.

I mean, seriously. It's not just the "wasting time" aspect that gets me. I dont understand why people often go do things they CLEARLY dont like, simply because others are doing it. That seems deeply stupid to me. They will often then complain about it later to family members, and I'm always thinking "Well why did you go do it then?"

When people ask me to do things like that, I dont even sugarcoat what I think about it, either. Someone asking me to do something bloody stupid with them, will find that it goes like this: "Hey, do you want to go to the movie theater and stare blankly at a giant screen while non-interactive things happen?" and I'll respond with "Huh, I see where you're going with this, but I've just had a brilliant idea: You go do that, I go do absolutely any other bloody thing. It's a win-win situation!" If I'm feeling extra sarcastic, I might just say "Or I could just go run sandpaper over my eyes, that'd be just as fun". If I'm in a really bad mood, I'll just throw something.

Fortunately, friends and family are all used to me being this way (since I"ve *always* been this way) and dont get offended.

The majority of people (not everyone, not even every NT, but more than half of the population) find the proximity of other people relaxing and prefer it to solitude. No, I don't understand why, either. They just do.

Yeah, I've never understood this either. Why should I go be around idiots when I could stay here with my dog? Does not compute.