Do I have to fake I like humans in order to cooperate with them?

[StrayCat]

Just curious, how much do I have to fake it in your opinion? I despise lying, so would rather avoid it altogether, but from my experience, not lying often makes humans hostile, so I'm often forced to do it...

I don't want to duplicate similar thread that is already here, so I should add that I'm fine with basic politeness when I'm forced to use dreaded "human interface" in order to access some kind of essential services, since luckily this is straightforward enough. But how about things beyond that?

Take this forum as an example, how much do I have to lie here in order to be able to keep using it as a source of inspiration and intellectual stimulation?

 

[Aspychata]

You should just be you. Being civil is a okay thing.

 

[tree]

Take this forum as an example, how much do I have to lie here in order to be able to keep using it as a source of inspiration and intellectual stimulation?

Not at all, I hope.

 

[Suzette]

Being polite is simply not being combative and argumentative. Being polite is more about what you don't do, than what you do do. You don't have to like anyone but simply apply a little self restraint.

 

[StrayCat]

Being polite is simply not being combative and argumentative. You don't have to like anyone but simply apply a little self restraint.

Hmm, this feels very vague to me... Could you elaborate? What do you mean by "little self restraint"?

To give some context, I can apply plenty of self restraint, I'm no stranger to masking. My default way of handling humans is "smile, agree with everything (especially if it sounds stupid), tell them what they want to hear, throw in some narcissistic supply to the mix, and then get away as soon as possible". Humans consider it very polite, although this involves lying and is huge pain, so I prefer to just avoid human contact whenever possible.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

I am also curious how much do you have to lie here in order to be able to keep using it as a source of inspiration and intellectual stimulation?

Games inside of games, fascinating.

The use of truth in substitution of lies to achieve the same goal is a subtle art I really appreciate. Intelectual games. Sweet.

Dont you mind if I seat and enjoy the show?

 

[Sylas]

Whatever amount of masking you engage on depends entirely on how far are you willing and capable of taking it.

There's no set line, the more and better you do it the more external benefits you grant upon yourself at the exchange of the increasing exhaustion and irritation it may cause.

It's a balancing act, entirely different for each individual according to their capacities and what they're hoping to achieve.

 

[StrayCat]

It's a balancing act, entirely different for each individual according to their capacities and what they're hoping to achieve.

Very true. I feel heavy masking works well whenever interaction is short, and I want to end it as soon as possible. But one of my long term goals is to find someone who makes sense, someone likeable, someone where we don't have to mask with each other. Which means the less I mask, the better. But not masking means I will trigger hostilities, and this can lead to unnecessary troubles and dramas... So yeah, how to balance that...

How do you do it actually?

 

[StrayCat]

This book that was originally written for people in business and sales is a great help to people on the Autism Spectrum.

True, this is interesting masking manual, "how to handle humans" kind of stuff. It also showed me that I'm apparently not a human, since in order to bond with me, one has to treat me like a cat, or a dog: "give me safe and fun time together, play, pets, treats"...

 

[Au Naturel]

LOL! The secret to not stressing out is to learn to enjoy the game.

It may be that your distress is at least partly because you think the people you interface with are somehow lesser beings. They are playing the game of life by different rules and you feel like those rules are inferior to yours. You need to be less judgemental.

 

[Suzette]

Hmm, this feels very vague to me... Could you elaborate? What do you mean by "little self restraint"?

Oh, just don't spit in their eye or threaten their children. Easy peasy. LOL

 

[StrayCat]

It may be that your distress is at least partly because you think the people you interface with are somehow lesser beings.

Completely opposite, I think they are way more complicated, which also makes them way better at that game than me. Heck, don't even understand what do you mean by "lesser being"...

 

[StrayCat]

Oh, just don't spit in their eye or threaten their children. Easy peasy. LOL

Never done any of that, and they still got angry few times. I suspect I hurt their huge but fragile egos, is avoiding that also part of "politeness"? Or maybe something else?

 

[Suzette]

Never done any of that, and they still got angry few times. I suspect I hurt their huge but fragile egos, is avoiding that also part of "politeness"? Or maybe something else?

If you have a habit of being abrupt just learn to say nothing most of the time. Think of silence as neutral.
Also, others may not actually be upset when you think they are. Sometimes we don't even know when we have gotten it wrong.

 

[StrayCat]

If you have a habit of being abrupt just learn to say nothing most of the time. Think of silence as neutral.

Staying silent is not an option if they ask me something though? I just have to tell them what they want to hear and hope I they will leave me alone?

Although I was just hoping there is some easy way of finding those who don't need that kind of games...

 

[Au Naturel]

A phrase like "hurt their huge but fragile egos" is not something you would say if you were coming from a position of equality. You're indicating that you do not respect them. If you do not respect someone, of course there will be anger returned. The need for respect is universal. It isn't a game.

Learned as a child that if you can't say something nice in a conversation - or at least neutral - say nothing of importance.

 

[StrayCat]

A phrase like "hurt their huge but fragile egos" is not something you would say if you were coming from a position of equality.

I said earlier I'm not equal, I'm below them. Did you miss that?

Learned as a child that if you can't say something nice in a conversation - or at least neutral - say nothing of importance.

Feeding humans narcissistic supply works even better I would say, although this is tiring since I cannot empathize with it in the slightest...

 

[Au Naturel]

I said earlier I'm not equal, I'm below them. Did you miss that?

One does not feel "below" people with huge fragile egos. One does not feel "below" people who need to have their narcissism fed. The very title of the thread indicates disdain, not humility. I didn't miss the important part at all.

 

[StrayCat]

One does not feel "below" people with huge fragile egos. One does not feel "below" people who need to have their narcissism fed. The very title of the thread indicates disdain, not humility. I didn't miss the important part at all.

I very much do think that narcs are way better at social games than me. This is what I mean when I say I'm "below".

I suspect I don't understand your "below" or "above" stuff to be honest. I also don't understand disdain. I obviously dislike humans since they are vicious and dangerous, but I also recognize that not only they are stronger then me, they tend to be useful.

 

[Matthias]

Staying silent is not an option if they ask me something though? I just have to tell them what they want to hear and hope I they will leave me alone?

Although I was just hoping there is some easy way of finding those who don't need that kind of games...

You just have to tell them you don't want to talk. If they ask why, you can just tell them it's because you don't like people.

Most people aren't very sensitive and won't care if you don't like them which means you could say, "I don't want to talk because I don't like you." However, many people will get upset or wonder why you don't like them in particular if you word it that way so it's best to make it clear you don't like anyone or that you just enjoy being alone.