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Do Aspies Take Everything Personally?

When it comes to taking things personally, I

  • Don’t think I do and just ignore what was said or done.

    Votes: 5 16.7%
  • Immediately react and try to set the record straight regardless the cost.

    Votes: 9 30.0%
  • Do, but I don’t react.

    Votes: 14 46.7%
  • Avoid all interaction and thus avoid problems.

    Votes: 2 6.7%

  • Total voters
    30
  • Poll closed .
Sometimes yes, sometimes no. If one is truly "hard-wired" over particular traits there may be nothing they can do. Where they are locked in a recursion, making the same mistakes over and over again and perhaps not even being able to recognize it.

Perhaps made worse if one's autism involves diminished cognitive abilities- executive functioning, etc.. What you are discussing can often draw a very harsh line between the perception of a Neurotypical person versus a Neurodiverse person.

In our world, "can't" doesn't always equate to "won't". A concept that IMO, NTs seem to struggle with. Where perhaps the greatest advance may be for such a person to be able to acknowledge what traits are "hard-wired" for them, yet still not being able to do much about it.

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;and wisdom to know the difference."

Yes you are right about those things. I don't equate can't with won't but agree that not all can learn to change their behavior. And I LOVE the serenity prayer- it has saved so many. So guess this is the wisdom to know the difference part.
 
At this stage of my game,I'm not all that critical of how others view me,nor care what their opinions of me are.

I'm not a grumpy old dude,but I'm a realist who no longer wants in that game.

When I got injured I took a step back.
It made me more forgiving of others and added a care for my fellow man that was not there in my younger years.
 
I used to do that much more, and had to train myself out of it.
My AS BF however, take so much of what I say personally. It can be a neutral or even outwardly kind/loving comment, and he will read some malicious intent into it.

If I ask him to take out the trash, I'm "criticizing" him.
If I mention anything about the trash, I'm still criticizing him, albeit more subtlely.
If I talk about setting a schedule about who takes it out and when, to be fair, it's more criticism!
If I get fed up with it overflowing and take it out, even lovingly and with a smile on my face, he "feels" this as criticism.

I finally got fed up and said, "What you're experiencing as "criticism" from ME is misplaced. The criticism you're really feeling is coming from your OWN CONSCIENCE telling you you're screwing up!"

He has yet to experience a bad feeling and understand that others didn't put it there--he did.

He also makes every discussion about my feelings (as a result of his insensitive actions) an argument where his focus is 100% "defending himself against my attacks/criticisms" and he invalidates and debates away any point I'm trying to make.

I say "When you stay on the computer for 18 hours a day, I feel neglected."
(This would be on a day we're home together, and he's online ALL DAY from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed, long after me. So goes our "day together" with no fun times at all.)

His response?
"You're WRONG. I'm not neglecting you. I'm doing nothing wrong. You spend time on the computer too...blah blah blah..."
Cue argument about his invalidating my experiences--again.

It's maddening. He refuses to acknowledge that I am entitled to respond to his actions and to have my own, valid opinion about them.

I understand that he does't FEEL as though he's neglecting me, that it's not his intent. But to get him to understand that regardless of what might be in his heart and mind, his ACTIONS feel neglecting to me, and that's what I want to address.

Not have a long argument about why I'm wrong.

Sheesh.
 
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I used to take everything personally when I was child. But not anymore. I try to see things see things as rationally and neutral as possible, so I tend to ignore any of my own background emotions if I have any going on while taking in or analyzing what is happening or did happen. That doesn't mean that I don't ever experience negative emotions while receiving constructive criticism. It's just that I'd rather view the objective truth for what it is than to focus on the feeling it evoked (such feelings can blur out important objective truths). But it took me a looong time before I got a grip on my reactions.

However, if I am 100% certain and have enough credible evidence to believe that someone is either crossing a figurative line they know they shouldn't, or making an attack on my morals, principles, and values when said person is obviously highly aware of what those might be, then yes, I do take it personally. (There has to be a legitimate reason). In that case, I wouldn't snap or lose my temper. But I wouldn't hesitate to vocalize my defense of those morals, principles, and values if it was appropriate to do so.
 
Throughout my life, though not as much as I’ve gotten older, people say to me, “You take everything personally.” After being here for a number of years and interacting with those on the spectrum from all over the world, different cultures and lifestyles, etc, it has made me wonder. Allow me to try to explain and open the door for some dialogue.

I have seen a simple post here go from just that to a heated debate quickly because it was taken personally by someone. In my own life, I encounter people on a daily basis that say or do things that strike me as being personal and therefore require an immediate response even though one is not necessary . . . or useful. Over the years I have worked to discipline myself to not react quickly realizing that what was said or done may have been superficial and not a personal affront.

So, are aspies more inclined to take everything personally? Do we like to debate for the sake of debating or do we feel it necessary to set the record straight? If so, why do we feel it necessary?

Let the comments begin!
I didn’t vote because I used to be #2 and now I am more #3.
I think I take everything more seriously that most people. I don’t think it means “personal”.
 
I used to do that much more, and had to train myself out of it.
My AS BF however, take so much of what I say personally. It can be a neutral or even outwardly kind/loving comment, and he will read some malicious intent into it.

If I ask him to take out the trash, I'm "criticizing" him.
If I mention anything about the trash, I'm still criticizing him, albeit more subtlely.
If I talk about setting a schedule about who takes it out and when, to be fair, it's more criticism!
If I get fed up with it overflowing and take it out, even lovingly and with a smile on my face, he "feels" this as criticism.

I finally got fed up and said, "What you're experiencing as "criticism" from ME is misplaced. The criticism you're really feeling is coming from your OWN CONSCIENCE telling you you're screwing up!"

He has yet to experience a bad feeling and understand that others didn't put it there--he did.

He also makes every discussion about my feelings (as a result of his insensitive actions) an argument where his focus is 100% "defending himself against my attacks/criticisms" and he invalidates and debates away any point I'm trying to make.

I say "When you stay on the computer for 18 hours a day, I feel neglected."
(This would be on a day we're home together, and he's online ALL DAY from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed, long after me. So goes our "day together" with no fun times at all.)

His response?
"You're WRONG. I'm not neglecting you. I'm doing nothing wrong. You spend time on the computer too...blah blah blah..."
Cue argument about his invalidating my experiences--again.

It's maddening. He refuses to acknowledge that I am entitled to respond to his actions and to have my own, valid opinion about them.

I understand that he does't FEEL as though he's neglecting me, that it's not his intent. But to get him to understand that regardless of what might be in his heart and mind, his ACTIONS feel neglecting to me, and that's what I want to address.

Not have a long argument about why I'm wrong.

Sheesh.
WOW. I could have written this. It’s exactly how my ex and I used to be.

Sadly, I threw in the towel, and took out the trash by my self (many times). And now, I don’t care if he’s all day long in his Iphone, because he’s living somewhere else.
 
I used to do that much more, and had to train myself out of it.
My AS BF however, take so much of what I say personally. It can be a neutral or even outwardly kind/loving comment, and he will read some malicious intent into it.

If I ask him to take out the trash, I'm "criticizing" him.
If I mention anything about the trash, I'm still criticizing him, albeit more subtlely.
If I talk about setting a schedule about who takes it out and when, to be fair, it's more criticism!
If I get fed up with it overflowing and take it out, even lovingly and with a smile on my face, he "feels" this as criticism.

I finally got fed up and said, "What you're experiencing as "criticism" from ME is misplaced. The criticism you're really feeling is coming from your OWN CONSCIENCE telling you you're screwing up!"

He has yet to experience a bad feeling and understand that others didn't put it there--he did.

He also makes every discussion about my feelings (as a result of his insensitive actions) an argument where his focus is 100% "defending himself against my attacks/criticisms" and he invalidates and debates away any point I'm trying to make.

I say "When you stay on the computer for 18 hours a day, I feel neglected."
(This would be on a day we're home together, and he's online ALL DAY from the moment he gets up until he goes to bed, long after me. So goes our "day together" with no fun times at all.)

His response?
"You're WRONG. I'm not neglecting you. I'm doing nothing wrong. You spend time on the computer too...blah blah blah..."
Cue argument about his invalidating my experiences--again.

It's maddening. He refuses to acknowledge that I am entitled to respond to his actions and to have my own, valid opinion about them.

I understand that he does't FEEL as though he's neglecting me, that it's not his intent. But to get him to understand that regardless of what might be in his heart and mind, his ACTIONS feel neglecting to me, and that's what I want to address.

Not have a long argument about why I'm wrong.

Sheesh.


This sounds like pure selfishness and unwillingness to accept responsibility and work together as a team rather than aspie behavior.
 
I dont take everything personal, but some daily things I do take personal. Sometimes iknow there wasnt something wrong with me or my actions and then I still wonder why I feel like , well, crap...
I trie to ask mostly instead or giving a defence about the persons statement. If I do feel like it is an never ending discussion with no agreement from both party's then I give up and try to focus on other things. Wich is hard. I mostly try to not take things personally, because not every opinion counts. Just because someone has one idea of what I am like and say something because of an action of mine, doesnt mean that im the bad guy. But I have to say, when I take things personal, I can feel depressed for days.
 
I think that there is a difference between being criticised and taking it personally, and being insulted and taking it personally. I do find that when I'm being criticised for something, I initially become very defensive before I go away and think about it - I think it is a result of constantly being criticised by my parents, teachers, etc when I was younger. If it is unfair criticism, then it is an insult, and I find it offensive and upsetting. If I think that the criticism is fair and I realise it, I feel bad and then apologise and try to do better next time.
 
I take everything too personally, and deeply, and am also paranoid about what I see as the negative implications of others' behaviour - e.g. not coming over to say hi at the football, not following an invitation, etc. I also have tended to hold very firm grudges for even single transgressions for EVER... something I've learned about myself and am trying to correct.

What I find hardest to deal with in this vein is when my little kids' naturally childish behaviour is hurtful - I find it really hard to separate the impact on myself as a person from my role as parent who understands and manages it for what it is - childish behaviour. I always take everything on face value and it goes deep. I have learned to try to detach a bit more, put things into perspective, remind myself that it will all be different in a few minutes' or days' time. That helps a bit but it's an effort.
 
I think there is something to that. It may be partially due to a lack of social savy and resulting tendency towards self conciousness (along with literal thinking).
 
I also tend to take things personally most of the time, but unlike most of you guys, I think I'm getting worse as I get older instead of better. If someone is speaking directly to me, I take it personally because, well they are talking to me personally. If someone is speaking to a room full of people that I happen to be in and their gaze drops on me when they say something, my inability to judge their expressions makes me think they meant that comment for me because they looked at me when they said it, so I take that personally too. Online, I can't tell so I take it personally "just to be on the safe side". It's a sickness I think!
 
If aimed directly at me I'll take it personally and set the record straight. I'd find it hard not to react if I thought they were being unfair, otherwise I'd take it on the chin.
But I love a debate, the trouble is NT's take things personally when it's never been aimed in their direction.
 
I myself find it odd and unpredictable what in the way of slights, insults and provocations I can easily ignore, and rarely and suddenly, by what unexpectedly pierces me to the core.
 
I've always been sensitive to criticism or what I perceive as criticism, but I think that stems from being constantly put down and criticized by my parents as a child. It has got me in trouble a few times when I've overreacted but I think I've got better at handling it as I've got older.
 
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Throughout my life, though not as much as I’ve gotten older, people say to me, “You take everything personally.” After being here for a number of years and interacting with those on the spectrum from all over the world, different cultures and lifestyles, etc, it has made me wonder. Allow me to try to explain and open the door for some dialogue.

I have seen a simple post here go from just that to a heated debate quickly because it was taken personally by someone. In my own life, I encounter people on a daily basis that say or do things that strike me as being personal and therefore require an immediate response even though one is not necessary . . . or useful. Over the years I have worked to discipline myself to not react quickly realizing that what was said or done may have been superficial and not a personal affront.

So, are aspies more inclined to take everything personally? Do we like to debate for the sake of debating or do we feel it necessary to set the record straight? If so, why do we feel it necessary?

Let the comments begin!
I think generalized questions about Aspies are annoying but I don't take them personally. I think most people and things are annoying but I don't put too much personal stock in things outside my own interests. If anything I'm criticized for not taking things personally enough. I can feel empathy for a lost child on the street but having to empathize with all the starving children in Africa would just overwhelm me and I wouldn't be able to get out of bed.
 
At this stage of my game,I'm not all that critical of how others view me,nor care what their opinions of me are.

I'm not a grumpy old dude,but I'm a realist who no longer wants in that game.

When I got injured I took a step back.
It made me more forgiving of others and added a care for my fellow man that was not there in my younger years.

I stopped caring what people think of me online a LONG time ago, I used to get upset about Butt hurt Daily Fail readers lambasting me for being on benefits as opposed to working full time for next to no money, but I know I have reasons why I'm struggling to get a job, they're just too stupid to understand.
 

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