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Do Aspies have delayed mental development?

The Outsider

The Outsider

Well-Known Member
Something that just crossed my mind a moment ago but has come up every now and again is if Aspies mentally develop slower than NTs. Even when I was around 21 I didn’t really feel like an adult. Oh sure by 18 society deemed me an adult but even with three extra years to really settle into adult life I didn’t quite get there. Oh sure a lot of it probably had to do with me barely working but even then I don’t suspected I could have found love, got married, have children, a full time job, living on my own, and whatever else come with adulthood. I don’t know if I would have been emotionally or mentally ready for that stuff yet. I suppose arguable many NTs might not be ready for that too around 18. I felt like and actually still do feel like I’m living like an older teenager without grade school. Since that’s just my own experience, anyone has similar ones that might lead to some sort of common ground? Maybe I'm not wording the question correctly and someone will come along and point that out?
 
The Outsider said:
Something that just crossed my mind a moment ago but has come up every now and again is if Aspies mentally develop slower than NTs. Even when I was around 21 I didn’t really feel like an adult. Oh sure by 18 society deemed me an adult but even with three extra years to really settle into adult life I didn’t quite get there. Oh sure a lot of it probably had to do with me barely working but even then I don’t suspected I could have found love, got married, have children, a full time job, living on my own, and whatever else come with adulthood. I don’t know if I would have been emotionally or mentally ready for that stuff yet. I suppose arguable many NTs might not be ready for that too around 18. I felt like and actually still do feel like I’m living like an older teenager without grade school. Since that’s just my own experience, anyone has similar ones that might lead to some sort of common ground? Maybe I'm not wording the question correctly and someone will come along and point that out?
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i have also heard that autistic people might be a certain age say 25 and their mental development is that of a teenager or younger. For me i have always seriously thought i am younger mentaly than i am actually like im 25 years old and mentally i feel like 19 or younger but then again i have mild autism - aspergers syndrome and add.
 
I suppose that depends on how you look at such a thing. I didn't speak in sentences until I was four years old.

However well beyond that age I can't honestly say I ever felt any younger than I actually was. And when I had to register with the Selective Service System I didn't feel like much of a teenager any more.
 
I forget what fraction it is but we do have a delay in development, socially speaking. During school you can be expected to have the social and communication skills of someone a few years younger than you. And I think that gap only grows until you reach adulthood which at that point you have to figure the stuff out in order to catch up.

I don't know if it's just that I wasn't prepared for the challenges of adulthood but I've really struggled to adapt to life outside of school. I have had no idea how to go about making the important steps to be a functioning adult. I'm only now at the age of 26 making movements with getting my driver's license and maybe moving out in a couple of years time. My siblings all moved out around the age of 18-23 so I am quite delayed in that case. Even when I am living on my own I will probably need help managing daily tasks for a little while, hopefully after that I'll be able to do them all by myself without prompting. I met a guy last year whose had similar problems to me in terms of mental illness, depression, anxiety and psychosis, there's a scheme which allows him to employ someone to come over once or twice a week to help him do tasks, I think it's either his mum or dad that comes over. It might be both. I'm thinking of doing the same thing when I move out because it is going to be a bit of a challenge at least at first.
 
Only now at 47, do I feel a bit more like an adult and especially since I have taken over our accounts, but still feels strange to be called a woman, rather than a girl.

However, when I was just 7 and realised my home life was not as it should be, that if I wanted clean clothes, I ought to clean them myself and so, from that age, right until I was 21 when I met my husband, I did my laundry by hand. So in that respect I guess I was not mentally slow, since my siblings who are NT's never reached that stage of complete awareness.

Other factors, thanks to my long memory, also show that there was a certain maturity going on despite how, conversily immature I was.
 
I've personally always felt older than my age. I relate more to people who are middle aged then people my age (young adults).
I've also been told that my brain was fully developed when I was around 17.
 
aspies have a delay in social and emotional development which is why you feel younger,you dont have a mental delay which would imply intellectual disability-this is what causes us to be acutely younger than our physical age, to be defined as having aspergers you have to be at the very least one point outside of the ID range.
 
I am way delayed. I did not get preiod till they gave me drugs. When I was 23 I looked 12.
Oh, but that is just personality disorder. I forgot. I don't have autism.
 
OkRad said:
I am way delayed. I did not get preiod till they gave me drugs. When I was 23 I looked 12.
Oh, but that is just personality disorder. I forgot. I don't have autism.
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I got my periods early, but then PCOS messed them up :rolleyes:
 
There's going to be some sort of delay in social/emotional development, for sure, no matter where you are on the spectrum. I get that same feeling as a lot of people on here do from time to time - even though I'm working full-time and handling myself for the most part, I still don't feel...well, "mature". Good news is that I'm pushing forward in that aspect, even if slower than the majority, and that at least it's not a permanent sort of thing. Bad news: having to deal with others who refuse to "grow up" whatsoever. Sort of pisses me off, but whatever.

Another thing - I know it's already been pointed out in this thread and that I'm repeating the obvious, but just for clarification - it's not a delay in intellectual development and shouldn't be confused with such (unless you have a specific diagnosis of that on top of your ASD). It's a common complaint across the spectrum, high intelligence or not.
 
I feel like I'm older than 18. I generally don't get along with people my age - I find that they're all so immature and care about stupid things.
 
I'd say yes, especially in my case. I'll be 34 next month and always say I'm developmentally between 16 and 20. I feel exactly the same as I did 10-15 years ago. I work 4 jobs, but other than that, really have no additional responsibilities. I can't imagine it, either. I still live at home. I can't picture having to work AND maintain an apartment. I could do one or the other, but not both. I'm a "one thing at a time" person. My interests are also very child-like: I have no desire to be in a relationship, get married or have kids. I'm still having too much fun being a big kid, myself! :D I collect toys and stuffed animals, and am a gamer. I've never cared to be "just like everyone else." That would be boring! I love feeling younger. Most people think I look around 10 years younger than my age, too :)
 
I didn't speak until I was about 4. I didn't drive until I was almost 20. didn't have anything resembling a GF until I was in my 50s, turned out badly BTW. i'd say that was delayed or arrested development.
 
I can see how a person with autism can have delayed development. I tried going to school over 150 miles away from my family and I had severe separation anxiety and eventually went back home before the semester ended. Also attempting to live independently of my family also was difficult. I've gotten better at living in my own thru reaching out to my supports, but at first it was very difficult. I think the more you try to do these things the better you get at those things like independent living and relating to other people. Reaching out to your support system is very crucial to doing the things an adult does. That's my take on it.
 
Yes, I know exactly what you mean. I've always had a much younger mentality, and it wasn't until I hit 31 that I realized how immature I really am. I never really developed the same urgency to achieve adult things the way other adults do.
 
I'm 38 and still feel like I have the mentality of a 16 year old (only crankier) . I have to remind myself of my actual age daily especially when doing physical activities. Also conversationally, I can often be immature as well.I have the tendency to notice something or think something and just blurt it out when usually I should keep those thoughts to myself, (even when it feels like I'm trying to help someone). It feels like my mental maturity stopped at around 16 though. I'm OK with it, but if I'm not careful it sticks out like a sore thumb that I am not NT.
 
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