Discovering you have autism

[Jordy]

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[watersprite]

Perhaps it is time to make an appointment with a counselor. Contact the office of the doctor who diagnosed you. They will have at least one professional who can work with you on these serious issues.

Best to you.

 

[Kevin1968]

Firstly you are still the same person you were before you got the diagnosis.

What you have now is a reason why you find some things difficult and others easier to achieve. That knowledge can help you choose strategies that may be more suitable to try and achieve the changes you want to make.

Is it possible that you have recently had a "burn out"? (perhaps the reason you sought a diagnosis?).

Please seek help with the suicidal thoughts, I can't advise but those feelings do pass.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

For me it was sorta a gift that I was diagnosed late in life. With growing up when it was rarely diagnosed, and when I felt that life was an unremitting hell, I had no choice but to come to terms with myself merely to stay sane. I had nothing to blame for my experiences but myself and worked on self acceptance and learning to advocate for myself. However, I was damaged by my experiences. Now, understanding that I am ASD, I can see how this influenced my perceptions and behaviors. This gives me the knowledge for an eventual recovery from social trauma.

Think about your knowledge as giving you the ability to redefine your sense of self, positively. There are those of us who have overcome the hurdles that ASD presents us, because, ultimately, we are not our ASD. I wish you a productive and successful journey.

 

[Greatshield17]

How come a lot of people feel relieved when they finally get a diagnosis and know what's wrong with them? I always used to think i could work on myself, i could learn social skills, pick up more hobbies, make more friends and try harder etc. But when i found out I was autistic it felt like everything was set in stone, i could never change. Getting diagnosed was awful for me, it all went down hill from then on.
I have been trying to get my life back together but it's hard, i have bouts of motivation but they never last, negative thoughts always come crawling back into my mind. Some people here have told i could suffer from depression, but my mood is all over the place honestly, it's not a consistent low, it goes from happy and motivated to suicidal ideation in a matter of hours. I can't say I don't miss being in a bubble unaware of autism, i don't even know who I am anymore.

Honestly, judging by what you’ve typed on here, I think you don’t know yourself as well as you think; I think you stopped getting to know yourself after your diagnosis, and just gave up on it.

There was a time in my life where I tried to downplay being Autistic, where, I didn’t deny that I was Autistic but I told myself, “ah! I’m just an odd guy, I’m just weird!” and that mentality became really harmful to me, and actually ended-up holding back my personal growth in life; it was only after I accepted the fact that I am Autistic that I was finally able to really go forward in my life. There are some people in the Autistic community, that lament the existence of so-called “level 1” Autism, and think we shouldn’t be identified as that but rather, just be weirdos and freaks and so-on; those people, to be brutally honest, are only ones in the Autistic community so-far, that really grind my gears because, that kind of view is unhealthy and harmful, we need to know who we are, it’s important to our own personal growth.

Lao Tzu said, “the man who knows himself is enlightened,”

A Catholic priest once said, “humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking of yourself less.”

These two quotes I think, best sum up my advice for you, I think you need to know yourself more and think about yourself less; I think that’s the best way for you to get out of these beliefs you have about Autism and yourself.

And as a couple of other people on here suggested, you may want to find a counsellor with some of the more serious problems you’re having.

 

[Suzette]

First, mood isn't the same as emotional aspect. You can be depressed and still find a joke funny. You can be depressed and not want to get out of bed. I won't try to diagnose you, but seeing a counselor or therapist can help you even if you aren't depressed.

I self identify as on the spectrum. I put it that way because I have not been professionally diagnosed.

For me, I have struggled my entire life to figure out why I don't fit in. That is 54 years of self blame and recrimination. To find out there is a neurological basis for why I am as I am is confirmation that I am not crazy. I am not "unwell". I am me, and I am just this side of normal.

You know I learned to mask when I was about 13. I had already contemplated suicide at that point because my family bullied me mercilessly over how I was. I recall learning to pretend to be "normal" and after a few weeks of not making a mistake in my behavior I told my mother "I am getting better".

But knowing I am an autie, I can be patient with myself and know that the "problem" isn't me. I can also learn to focus on getting what I really need to get the most out of my life instead of trying everything in hopes something sticks and makes sense.

I hope that helps you.

 

[Rasputin]

How come a lot of people feel relieved when they finally get a diagnosis and know what's wrong with them? I always used to think i could work on myself, i could learn social skills, pick up more hobbies, make more friends and try harder etc. But when i found out I was autistic it felt like everything was set in stone, i could never change. Getting diagnosed was awful for me, it all went down hill from then on.
I have been trying to get my life back together but it's hard, i have bouts of motivation but they never last, negative thoughts always come crawling back into my mind. Some people here have told i could suffer from depression, but my mood is all over the place honestly, it's not a consistent low, it goes from happy and motivated to suicidal ideation in a matter of hours. I can't say I don't miss being in a bubble unaware of autism, i don't even know who I am anymore.

@phantom, I think your point of view is valid. When people are labeled as anything outside the norm, they become limited in their own thinking. If you believe you are limited, you probably will withdraw and stop trying. My suggestion is to try really hard to block out negative thoughts. If you were “okay” before you knew you were autistic, why would you suddenly not be okay just because
you were labeled.

I am 63, and grew up at a time before children were screened for autism. I was socially awkward, financially disadvantaged, very different, and was considered weird by most of my classmates. I was lucky however, in that I was very intelligent, excelled in school, and did in fact spend many years working to improve my social skills. In college I was so clueless, that I could not talk to a girl without stuttering. It wasn’t until I was 27 that I had success dating, and that was after 8-10 years of working on my social skills.

My view is that one learns through struggles and making mistakes, in effect experiencing life, learning from failures, continually trying to succeed. I learned from a failed marriage that lasted two years, remarried and have been married for the past 30 years. I have two masters degrees, a Ph.D., and have authored a number of articles that were published in academic journals. I have been employed in professional positions for the past 35 years. I have traveled extensively worldwide. Most people would never guess I am autistic.

What most people don’t know is that I have had fewer than 10 friends my whole life, though I do have professional relationships. I have had problems sleeping since childhood due to PTSD and general anxiety disorder, and was diagnosed autistic at age 61 as a result of being treated for chronic insomnia. My father abandoned my mother and I when I was four, and my mother attempted suicide and was committed to a state mental hospital where she was diagnosed Schizophrenic. I lived with my grandparents until I was age 20, when I started working on myself. At no time during all this was I labeled autistic, and it never occurred to me that I was until two years ago.

The point I am making to everyone reading this is that you can improve your social skills and achieve some measure of success, whatever your background is. However, you have to believe in yourself, be determined to set and achieve goals, and never stop trying. You will experience failure; but learn from failures and try to block out people who drag you down by labeling and trying to put you down.

 

[Thinx]

Well I have said before on here that I went to many years of therapy and counselling as a young person, from age 18 onwards. I wasn't diagnosed with anything, but I didn't fit in, had a weird family, lacked confidence, was quiet and shy yet bright, disorganised and struggled with motivation, lonely at times, found it hard to make friends, always felt 'different'.

I made a lot of progress with a number of issues, particularly understanding my family of origin better, and their issues, understanding and working through what made them how they were, and basically shedding the load of all that, and emerging as an individual in my own right.

ASD1 doesn't stop you doing that. It actually enhances your ability to do that in some ways, I have found, using my intelligence and logic, and gradually having more faith in those upsides of who I am to help me get by.

To me, you come across as highly intelligent, but also somewhat negative, nihilistic at times. I'd take a guess that's partly due to elements of your upbringing and circumstances, how people are in your family, possibly issues have weighed on you to create some element of depression. I was depressed as a young person, but I never knew that, I just struggled.

The basic assumption you are making that autism means one can't progress, change and develop is just wrong. ASD1 is much more about social difficulties and differences than about being unable to develop. Think about it, if we couldn't develop you wouldn't be on here questioning things, you'd be without language and in an institution.

You have developed much as anyone does throughout your life, with some differences caused by your different neurology. That means for most of us that our families especially, and others, have interacted with us to influence how we are, and that mostly needs working through before we can emerge as an adult, or while we try to.

What are your family like? How has your upbringing been? Do you have friends to talk things over with? What are your own goals for yourself, and how have these been influenced or constrained by your family, your environment, authority figures? What do you know about how other people with autism grow and develop? Loads of us on here and in the world have grown and developed and achieved plenty.

You may be a bit depressed. Depression can shut down motivation. You perhaps don't have much useful support. It's good that you are questioning things actively now, I think that's definitely progress. You seem unwilling now to just accept this stuck place you have got into.

Maybe now think about any steps you can take to make progress, and change things. Something concrete you are going to do. Like, get out of the house, take up a sport or hobby or a course, do a class, do therapy, volunteer, go to college, get a job. You can change and develop, you already have, and plenty on here and in the world are doing.

 

[Aspychata]

Great ideas here. Thought it was interesting how you mention you have extreme mood swings. Some extreme mood swings are typical of other things. One is bipolar, one minute, you feel on top of the world, doing things quickly, the next time you may crash and burn. There are different variations of bipolar and not really effective meds to treat it. They also can suffer from depression. Another suggestion is sunshine and vitamin D, are you getting these regularly? I noticed this kept me happier when l worked outside in the sun.

Exercise is great at stabilizing moods,something vigorous if possible. 20 laps in a pool.20 mins on a treadmill or elliptical 3 times a week. Biking for 1/2 hour.

Journaling, when you feel the negative thoughts rolling in, did something or someone trigger you? Are you in a stressful situation? Recognizing what triggered you, acknowledging it, (my mother criticized me again, and now l am upset and depressed), and then realising that you can change how you feel by not allowing her to upset you. Sometimes writing our thoughts down help with this painful process of figuring out what triggers us. This isn't easy work to do on our own but you can do it or you can go to a counselor who helps you look at how you think about things.

Lastly, being on the spectrum means??? We are great rethinking, rethinking, and (ruminating) the exact negative thought until we work ourselves up into the Tasmanian Devil and start spinning around then finally stop. This is exclusive to us l believe. We have the patent, trademark, contract, agreement on rumination and we really excel at this. Lol

PS l am not a medical professional, and l ask you to head over to emergency room or call 911 if you ever feel like hurting yourself or anybody else.

 

[Progster]

I always used to think i could work on myself, i could learn social skills, pick up more hobbies, make more friends and try harder etc.

Why did I feel relieved? Because I too tried to do all these things, and failed. My diagnosis gave me a reason for this, closure, and a reason not to be too hard on myself. Before, I thought I must be a bad person, worthless and with low self-esteem. I never understood why I was different, and why people treated me different. I didn't understand why other people could socialise so easily without problems, but I never could. Now, I know that I'm not bad or defective, and that there is a reason for my differences, and most crucially, that it's not my fault.

You may have mixed feelings about the diagnosis and you're not alone in that, but you don't need to be so hard on yourself or blame yourself for your difficulties in life, it's not your fault.

 

[Richelle-H]

A diagnosis locks nothing in stone.

By the time I was diagnosed, I had already changed my affect from when I was a child and teenager.

The diagnosis meant little to me except as a means to keep a job that I was in jeopardy of losing because of my seeming rudeness.

(Not rudeness from my standpoint, just a bit more brutal honesty than most people can deal with)

A diagnosis is not limiting if you treat it the way it should be treated. Self knowledge is what everyone should strive for, and all knowledge is only good for what you use it for or make of it.

It sounds to me as if you are overthinking the diagnosis too much. It isn't a prison or a cage unless you make it one.

I guess I went through hellish depressions and internal confusion long before I got a diagnosis. That diagnosis, was nothing more than a piece of paper by the time I received it. There is no investiture in the label that affords me anything but something to offer others if I unknowingly cross a line.

All I offer to you is a view from well down the road. I never felt anything differently after I had a label . It is nothing more than being diagnosed with any difference by a medical practitioner.

It has no power to change who you are or will be. That is solely up to you. Stop beating yourself up and do what everyone in life does. We are all in it together and there is much ahead, both joy and pain, so be good to yourself and stop beating yourself up over something you can modify with work but never eliminate from your life. It is what it is, neither good nor bad.

It does get better though, if you let it happen and stop fighting it and others reactions to it.

 

[Sarah S]

For me when i discovered that i indeed already had been diagnosed with ASD (i hadn't bothered in reading my medical files ) it was the final piece in my own life puzzle of why i am how i am and why i have my problems in life etc.... which i have tried (incl with so called pro`s ) to get some clue about to no luck.

What you have to try to understand and accept is NOTHING has changed . You're STILL EXATLY the same person you were prior to you're diagnose. The only difference is you now know you have this and so do the medical field so they now can hopefully give you the help and support you need & above all YOU now have an explanation on why you have certain problems in life.

You can now with the knowledge of you're diagnose start to learn about what this diagnose is and how it works (on YOU as all NP diagnosis are individual ) & from this knowledge you can learn how to cope and adapt to all this.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

Exercise is great at stabilizing moods,

Exactly. I feel one with the world when paddling a boat on a lovely river.

 

[Alexej]

What you have to try to understand and accept is NOTHING has changed . You're STILL EXATLY the same person you were prior to you're diagnose. The only difference is you now know you have this and so do the medical field so they now can hopefully give you the help and support you need & above all YOU now have an explanation on why you have certain problems in life.

You can now with the knowledge of you're diagnose start to learn about what this diagnose is and how it works (on YOU as all NP diagnosis are individual ) & from this knowledge you can learn how to cope and adapt to all this.

Indeed - totally agree.
Nothing has changed for you, but you now have another way of understanding what is going on for you in life. This bit of news helped my put a lot of things into a different perspective and made sense of a lotthat had happened to me in life.

Hopefully it can help you too.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

How come a lot of people feel relieved when they finally get a diagnosis and know what's wrong with them? I always used to think i could work on myself, i could learn social skills, pick up more hobbies, make more friends and try harder etc. But when i found out I was autistic it felt like everything was set in stone, i could never change. Getting diagnosed was awful for me, it all went down hill from then on.
I have been trying to get my life back together but it's hard, i have bouts of motivation but they never last, negative thoughts always come crawling back into my mind. Some people here have told i could suffer from depression, but my mood is all over the place honestly, it's not a consistent low, it goes from happy and motivated to suicidal ideation in a matter of hours. I can't say I don't miss being in a bubble unaware of autism, i don't even know who I am anymore.

I felt quite relieved with my diagnosis. For me, it was an epiphany. Years of confusion, frustration, and anger,...and finally an answer why. Regardless of the situation, if you don't know what the problem is, you are lost as to how to deal with it appropriately.

As far as "everything being set in stone", obviously, that's not a 100% true,...but partially true. For me, it was a process of taking a deep dive into the anatomy and physiology, and now, more recently, into the psychology. Having some sense of self-awareness has come with some acceptance,...and when dealing with other people,...I can deal with my autism with a sense of humor. "I am sorry, my autistic brain doesn't know what to do with that."...and say it with a smile and a bit of sarcasm.

The other part,...I have ZERO interest in being so-called "neurotypical" or "normal". The world is totally screwed up because of neurotypical "normal" behavior,...why, why, why would anyone want to be like that? I do have a bit of a narcissistic streak when it comes to this,...I sort of treat neurotypical behavior as more of a pathology. So, for someone to look at me like I am a bit "weird",...I get some sort of healthy satisfaction with that. I just smile at them quietly like "Awwwwwwe, how cute, they have no idea that they are the dysfunctional ones."

At any rate, the chronic depression you are feeling,...that's a real thing,...let's not minimize it. Thoughts of taking your own life,...huge red flag. Depression it is toxic in the sense that it is a very selfish state of mind,...you are so focused upon yourself that you loose perspective of how your behavior effects others around you. Suicide,...the people you leave behind,...there is a lot of deeply seated trauma associated with that. I wouldn't wish that on anyone.

Ultimately, depression is a neurotransmitter issue that can often be treated. As others have suggested, please seek out a psychiatrist to get some help with this.

 

[Martha Ferris]

You are still the same person as you were before the diagnosis only now you know the reason for why you are the way you are. The mood swings are a different matter and need to be evaluated. Please get it done. Not everything can be blamed on being on the spectrum.
I was relieved when I finally determined that I was on the spectrum. After decades of wondering "What is wrong with me?" I had an answer that made sense. It is merely and explanation not a prediction.

 

[Ken]

How come a lot of people feel relieved when they finally get a diagnosis and know what's wrong with them? I always used to think i could work on myself, i could learn social skills, pick up more hobbies, make more friends and try harder etc. But when i found out I was autistic it felt like everything was set in stone, i could never change. Getting diagnosed was awful for me, it all went down hill from then on.

I suspect the difference may be the age difference at diagnosis. It seems that the older someone is at diagnosis, the longer they have had - the more life they have experienced as autistic without knowing why they were so different. This builds piles of questions about why is my life like this. Then, decades later, all those questions are answered by learning they are autistic. At that point, it is a great feeling of relief. I think everyone knows that the diagnosis and knowledge doesn't fix anything, but the mystery is solved. While nothing is actually "fixed" with a diagnosis, things can be much better. For example, I never knew that there were triggers to my anxiety, lockups, meltdowns, and stifling depression. Learning about autism has helped me learn what those triggers are and I'm learning how to avoid them. That has made my life profoundly better. I wish I had know that a long time ago.
Buy the way, you can still work on yourself, learn social skills, pick up more hobbies, make more friends and try harder. None of that is hopeless. Indeed, in the autistic world, it is difficult, but difficult is only difficult, not impossible. You may never achieve the goals exactly as you wish for, but you can always improve. You have a long life ahead. Knowing what you know now can provide the tools you can use too achieve your life's dreams. There are a lot of very successful autistic people out there. No reason you can't be one of them.

 

[jleeb05]

So my Mom was diagnosed with ADHD as an adult. There is a book for ADHDers diagnosed in adulthood titled, "You mean I'm not lazy stupid or crazy?" I think that about sums up the relief I feel about being diagnosed. Before, I didn't know why...Why don't I fit in? Why don't I get it? Why do I behave this way? The autism diagnosis answers so many of the "whys" I had in my life and it does so in a way that's affirming. And honestly, the answer is not as bad as I thought. It's not that I'm crazy or stupid or lazy. It's not that I'm being punished for some wrong committed in a past life, and it's not just that I was brought here to suffer. It's that I have certain sensory and social sensitivities and deficits...is that all?

As I mentioned in another thread recently, I was diagnosed with Aspergers as a kid but grew up thinking that this was wrong. That's because I got better. I learned to navigate the neurotypical world. I didn't realize that people on the spectrum were capable of growth but we are. That's partly why diagnosticians focus on your childhood. We can learn and overcome. Knowing our strengths allows us to maximize them. Knowing our weaknesses allows us to mitigate them. At least for me, it's helpful to better understand the root cause of some of my difficulties. I know they will present lifelong challenges but it no longer feels like I have this mysterious and inexplicable thing holding me back. I'm actually proud of how much I've accomplished given this condition that I didn't even realize I had. And now that I know, I feel like I can do even more.

A diagnosis helps me understand myself. And as cliche as it sounds, knowledge is power.

 

[Ken]

I love movies that contain what I call Life Lessons. Here is one from "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel":
Evelyn : Nothing here has worked out quite as I expected.
Muriel : Most things don't. But sometimes what happens instead is the good stuff.

For me, my autism diagnosis is one of the good stuffs.

 

[Thinx]

Thats exactly what i have been doing for years before i got my diagnosis.



I don't have friends, i don't really talk to anyone in my family except for my father and little sister. I want to continue studying math, electrical engineering and comp science, i don't have any other goals in life.
I was reading trough some chat logs of me talking to people today, its really clear how i am trapped inside my own emotions and don't seek to be on the same wavelength as the person i am talking to, i just can't read people in the moment, only after the whole conversation has happened i can see what i did wrong. I am never going to be able to intuitively tune into other peoples moods, i don't think an autistic person can't learn or grow at all, but there are core deficits in autism that will never change. I feel so severely trapped inside my own head.

Couple days ago i went to school for the first time this year, i tried talking a bit with someone but i felt like a total alien like i always do.

Im tired of it all to be honest, just feels like not having a broken deformed brain is the only solution to my problems.

Im not sure how to respond to all the replies i have gotten but i have read them all, i might write another reply tomorrow if i have energy.

It's great that you have looked at chat logs and worked out what happens. Sounds like you are describing a processing delay. Quite common in autism. However, the comments you then make about this, sound like you are depressed.

Lots on here, including me, have a processing delay, it hasn't stopped us progressing and coping and doing ok. You for some reason think that it's a total barrier, but it isn't. I don't think it's autism affecting you, I think it's how low you have got. Sounds like discovering you had autism maybe triggered or deepened some depression.

You're tired, too tired to reply to other responses, again, that does sound like something else is affecting you apart from autism. Have you been recently checked out in your general health? Could be that something physical is contributing to this way you feel. If you see the doctor and describe these symptoms, hopefully they can help you.