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Featured Difficulty expressing my views

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Greatshield17, Oct 3, 2020.

  1. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 Catholic Nerd

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    I'm not sure if I'm posting this in the right category or not; it touches on several topics and I'm not sure which one to put it under. Regardless of what category this fits under, I do want this thread to focus mainly on personal issues of trying to express myself; rather than my views of what I am trying to express. So here's my story:

    Back in 2016, I reverted to the Catholic Faith, throughout my teenage and young adult years, I had developed the habit being reclusive and not expressing myself. At the time I was attending a secular college, and the classes in that college taught certain agendas and a certain worldview and narrative which, after reverting, I got a fuller picture of, frank, how hostile that narrative was. On top of that, there was the whole 2016 elections, and some of the media my parents were consuming started to portray people of my philosophical persuasion in a very negative light.

    All this, combined with my reclusive habits caused me to really hide my thoughts, feelings and views, I had to make the Sign of the Cross covertly when I prayed. (I was self-conscious about making the Sign of the Cross in public in general, but I was especially scared about doing it at my college.) This led to feelings of frustration, guilt, shame, and eventually bottled-up anger, which added more to my reluctance to express myself, because I was afraid of exploding and lashing-out at people.

    I'm now at a point where, I could talk to a stranger on the street about my views, if I prepared myself in advance. But with my parents and brother, (They know now by the way, or they have some idea at least) and some of my peers and former-classmates, I have issues; I have difficulties expressing myself without getting angry, and I have bottled-up anger and resentment over not expressing myself in the past. In general I still have bottled-up negative emotions over all this, it all leaves me feeling like I won't be respected or treated with dignity.

    Do you have similar experiences and struggles? How have managed with them? (Particularly the bottled-up emotions.) Do you have any advice about how to deal with this?

    I mentioned the Canadian Martyrs in a thread on the Religion sub-forum. The main reason why I admire them and have a devotion to them is, I want to be like them; I don't want to have these feelings of anger and resentment when I'm faced with some kind of opposition or hostility, I want to hold on to my peace.
     
  2. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    What you described sounds like anxiety and a low self-esteem. The information on the website Autism Emotions helped me with similar problems.
     
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  3. Au Naturel

    Au Naturel Au Naturel

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    I may have the opposite problem. I'll express my views on something without caring if the audience is hostile to them or not. I figure that if merely hearing a different POV disturbs you, that's not my problem. I don't ever intend to insult and actively try to avoid such but people will often look for reasons to be insulted. Not big on self-censorship - but diplomacy is confusing and frustrating.
     
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  4. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    l just recently was accused of being gay because l don't date like many other older woman. And l stated l wasn't gay. But just because l don't fall all over male customers, there is something wrong with me, and it must be l like woman. What a giant joke. Like l don't even hangout that much with other woman. But l kept my views to myself and didn't say to much.
     
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  5. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 Catholic Nerd

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    That is one thing that contributes to my issues, trying to make my views clear and understandable and, the fear of being misunderstood or dismissed.
     
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  6. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    As being female- there is a general consensus by the men in this state not to take older woman seriously, why would we want to work a job?
     
    Last edited: Oct 3, 2020
  7. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    So you only have these issues when it comes to your faith?
     
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  8. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Thinking neutral to me is all most a meditative exercise. The group you admire, do they chant or meditate?
     
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  9. Kit

    Kit Well-Known Member

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    I was mistaken as gay in high school and my mom told me if I would talk to people more, no one would think I was gay. It was as if she was blaming me.

    I guess people assume if someone is anti social and they don't have any friends or don't socialize, they must hiding the fact they are gay. Makes no sense.
     
  10. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Fits my point of view also.

    As far as people thinking I am gay...I don't care.
    I think I've had more females flirt or even express romantic feelings for me than I have men.
    It doesn't make me angry. I just tell them I am not gay. I'm neutral and asexual.
     
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  11. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I don’t necessarily have problems expressing my views, but I often choose to keep them to myself, because in these times people have a tendency to react very strongly to opinions that differ from their own.
     
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  12. Matthias

    Matthias Well-Known Member

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    I used to have trouble making my views clear and understandable. I tried to improve my vocabulary and express them in different ways but people still kept misunderstanding me. I learned that's because people look at body language to interpret what someone is saying. Even if you explain your views in a way that's perfectly clear, people will misunderstand if anxiety or other emotions affect your body language. The only thing that really helped me was understanding and getting rid of unwanted emotions. After I did that, people started understanding me correctly. I didn't have to do anything else.

    Most of my social difficulties went away after I got rid of my emotional problems. Despite struggling to understand other people my entire life, I now understand everyone easily without even trying.

    Why do you fear being misunderstood or dismissed? Is it because you feel worse when it happens? If you have a low self-esteem or felt rejected in the past, it can trigger emotions associated with it in your mind. That's what happened to me. After I improved my self-esteem and realized people weren't rejecting me, being misunderstood or dismissed no longer bothers me so it doesn't cause me anxiety anymore. Not having anxiety also makes it easier to express myself clearly.
     
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  13. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 Catholic Nerd

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    I'm reading through this right now. It's really helping me, thanks for posting it.
     
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  14. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 Catholic Nerd

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    Sort of, like I said, prior to reverting I had developed the habit of being a reclusive person. It usually is my Faith because that's the most important thing to me, but there have been other times where I have been reluctant express other ideas, opinions or feelings out of fear of being criticized or sounding ridiculous or stuff like that.
     
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  15. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 Catholic Nerd

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    You mean the Canadian Martyrs? Not sure about chanting but I'm quite certain all Catholic orders meditate. The Martyrs were Jesuits, they practiced Ignatian Spirituality. I sort of practice Carmelite Spirituality, but it mostly revolves around a practice by Saint Therese of Lisieux called the Little Way; where you just offer almost everything you do up to God. I do set aside time everyday to meditate, but I still need to work on it; in fact right now I'm going to go and try put extra effort into focusing as I meditate.
     
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  16. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    Good to hear this. l am almost finished with running, which sorta forces me to clear my head like a reset button or a reboot of my OS, wait- l am so old, l still have DOS system installed. lol I refuse to upgrade. And my system is no longer supported over the age of 25 in America. lol
     
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  17. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 Catholic Nerd

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    Thanks, all this is really helping me.
     
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  18. Gift2humanity

    Gift2humanity Well-Known Member

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    I feel cornered in arguments, even online, "can't argue"
     
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