Difficult to understand

[angelic0818]

My 4 year old son was just diagnosed with ASD recently and while we have been struggling for a while with his behaviors it does help to know a name for it and know he is not being difficult on purpose. One thing that is hard to deal with is how others don't understand. I know it doesnt matter what others think but this is new to me and I am trying to figure things out. My son CAN act very differently with other people almost sometimes like he turns his autism "off". At school he interacts ok with other kids but when I take him to playdates its hit or miss and sometimes he avoids all contact with kids. Also everyday may be different, one day he is better than others. So its hard to explain to people yes he has an issue even if he looks "normal" at one moment in time here and there. Today for example he had a fine day at school (only goes 2.5 hours 3 days a week right now) but when he got home he started making his noises he makes all the time and sat on the floor staring into space for at least 20 minutes. Its like he holds it in and then lets it "out" at home. Anyone else??? The dr said he will be his true self with us at home and not with others, but it really makes me feel a little nutty.

 

[Judge]

My 4 year old son was just diagnosed with ASD recently and while we have been struggling for a while with his behaviors it does help to know a name for it and know he is not being difficult on purpose. One thing that is hard to deal with is how others don't understand. I know it doesnt matter what others think but this is new to me and I am trying to figure things out. My son CAN act very differently with other people almost sometimes like he turns his autism "off". At school he interacts ok with other kids but when I take him to playdates its hit or miss and sometimes he avoids all contact with kids. Also everyday may be different, one day he is better than others. So its hard to explain to people yes he has an issue even if he looks "normal" at one moment in time here and there. Today for example he had a fine day at school (only goes 2.5 hours 3 days a week right now) but when he got home he started making his noises he makes all the time and sat on the floor staring into space for at least 20 minutes. Its like he holds it in and then lets it "out" at home. Anyone else??? The dr said he will be his true self with us at home and not with others, but it really makes me feel a little nutty.

Just sounds much like many of us with more mild forms of autism. That we can emulate NT behavior sufficient to "get by" to limit embarrassment and ridicule. However it is mentally and emotionally taxing to the point of exhaustion. So that when we get home, we want (and need) to "let our hair down".

Make sense? Even for a four-year old I suspect our survival skills set in at an early age. I went through my entire life not having a name or description for this condition, but I was certainly aware that I was doing it. However at that age I could not have articulated such to my parents, even though they also knew something was "different" about me.

 

[Turk]

Yes my son was the same and because ppl cant see an impairment, theyre quick to judge unfortunately. As judge said, the work that goes into appearing normal, is taxing for all of us. The place where we feel most comfortable, is where we can be ourselves. Even at your son's young age he would notice that people behave differently, depending on what he shows them, of his behavior. The hit miss and miss thing just comes down to the fact that sometimes we can control it and other times we cant.

 

[kristen]

My 4 year old son was just diagnosed with ASD recently and while we have been struggling for a while with his behaviors it does help to know a name for it and know he is not being difficult on purpose. One thing that is hard to deal with is how others don't understand. I know it doesnt matter what others think but this is new to me and I am trying to figure things out. My son CAN act very differently with other people almost sometimes like he turns his autism "off". At school he interacts ok with other kids but when I take him to playdates its hit or miss and sometimes he avoids all contact with kids. Also everyday may be different, one day he is better than others. So its hard to explain to people yes he has an issue even if he looks "normal" at one moment in time here and there. Today for example he had a fine day at school (only goes 2.5 hours 3 days a week right now) but when he got home he started making his noises he makes all the time and sat on the floor staring into space for at least 20 minutes. Its like he holds it in and then lets it "out" at home. Anyone else??? The dr said he will be his true self with us at home and not with others, but it really makes me feel a little nutty.

You are explaining what our son Tyler does. He is 10 yrs old now, but all his life he would hold in his tics and the behaviors he wants to express all day until he gets home. Once he is home he lets them all out. When he was younger it was pretty bad and somewhat out of control some days. Its true they feel most comfortable at home or around you and the will let it out. Its so hard to watch and you just want to try and calm him down, but he is fine and honestly he needs to let it out. The doctor tells us its like holding in a sneeze a llllll day and once you let it out it you feel so much better. I am use to Tyler doing it now. Don't think your alone... I understand how nutty you feel sometimes .

 

[GHA]

Well, its the way you take it?? My opinion would be to let him be.. You can't change him. He is different in his own way. I have a 31 years old son with AS and he is doing well in life. Just give him a happy home and all the support you can.. Just don't try to change him. He will learn to adapt as he grows... help him find his talent. He will do wonders in life..Good Luck!!!

 

[angelic0818]

Well, its the way you take it?? My opinion would be to let him be.. You can't change him. He is different in his own way. I have a 31 years old son with AS and he is doing well in life. Just give him a happy home and all the support you can.. Just don't try to change him. He will learn to adapt as he grows... help him find his talent. He will do wonders in life..Good Luck!!!

I would never ever try to change my son, only help him. What I am trying to say is its difficult to explain to other people and for other people to understand when he "acts normal" at times. But our lives are in constant struggle 90% of the time with him. I just need help on coping with other people's opinions in regard to my son and how I can cope with everyday life. He argues about everything and is generally miserable, inflexible, just not easy to deal with in general. He has no attention span and no interest in toys so we don't know what to do with him.

 

[GHA]

I never bothered what people said about my son. During his childhood, he was a bit slow, struggled with games because of impaired motor movements. Had no friends, was extremely shy. he avoided family gatherings. Had extremely bad hygiene. You can count all AS traits ,he had them.. But me and my wife were proud of him. We supported him all his life. Today, he is a business graduate and a Masters from a reputable university. He is married and lives an independent life. And your son is more important than the rest of the world...