Didn't getting older meant finally being alone?

[Aspychata]

All my life, l look at older people and think, omg, l can be alone and relax now that l am pleasantly older. But l find that people seem to disrespectful of this. Woman and men seem not understand that we are wired differently, and social to us is good as standing around other people in a store line, then we fulifilled our social needs for the day. What dilemas do you face re: interpretation of your spectrum social needs?

 

[Pats]

Yes, it's still hard for other's to accept that I'm perfectly happy being alone. But I don't hear, "Get out and meet people" like I used to. Now it's more just, "Get out and do something." This may sound odd, but I actually feel fortunate that I have so many problems with my back and neck that makes it hard to do things, so other people are more accepting of my not going out and doing things. Sad that they can only accept physical reasons rather than something they can't see. They can't see the physical either, but I guess it's more believable than the mental? So I can now honestly tell someone I can't come there for a week because of my trigeminal neuralgia has been bothering me, where they would never understand, "You don't have the foods I like at your house, and I'm not comfortable enough in your environment to get up and go to the bathroom when I need to, and I have no idea what to do when I'm not home, etc. etc."
My social needs is met if I talk to each of my children at least once a week (no, that's not social, that's worry - needing to know they are all okay). I like being home alone (sounds like a movie. lol) and if I feel like I want to talk to someone I can go upstairs and talk to my son or daughter in law. I'd like to be able to tell some people to not call me, I'll call them. But they know I wouldn't. I'm less social with age.

 

[Otenba]

Millions of older people out there are living in isolation because they're forgotten about due to no choice of their own (often family neglect). It's a pretty big problem since elderly people can be quite vulnerable. No one checking up on you can be difference between life and death. It only takes something like a small fall to completely change things for the worse. I think if you even have that choice of not experiencing neglect like that in older age, you're blessed and of a minority. If they look okay to you, there's no definite way of knowing that they definitely are since people often hide their suffering intentionally to not bother others.

As for my own dilemmas, I've gone without knowing I might be autistic for most of my life because of my socialising ability level so many around me assume that is not an issue for me when socialising well enough to be liked by others definitely is.

 

[Pats]

Millions of older people out there are living in isolation because they're forgotten about due to no choice of their own (often family neglect). It's a pretty big problem since elderly people can be quite vulnerable. No one checking up on you can be difference between life and death. It only takes something like a small fall to completely change things for the worse. I think if you even have that choice of not experiencing neglect like that in older age, you're blessed and of a minority. If they look okay to you, there's no definite way of knowing that they definitely are since people often hide their suffering intentionally to not bother others.

As for my own dilemmas, I've gone without knowing I might be autistic for most of my life because of my socialising ability level so many around me assume that is not an issue for me when socialising well enough to be liked by others definitely is.

That's very true. We had elderly patients come in with failure to thrive because they were confused and got lost in their basement. Family came to the hospital - why did he go a week without being checked on? They fall and lay there for days before being found. Another way I feel fortunate is knowing that my daughter in law is going to be down here at least once a day with an occasional exception. And I do realize that most people my age do not WANT to be alone.
But we are talking about social needs rather than safety.
My son and his family were gone a month once and during that time, I locked myself out of the house and it took me hours to get back in. I lost my phone. I fell down the stairs, but luckily was able to get up. I didn't mind the social aspect of not seeing anyone during that entire month (except standing in line at the grocery store ) but I did end up realizing I may need checked on now and then.

 

[Nitro]

I find it just the opposite.
As I get older, I place a higher value of spending time with those I love and care for.

I know that I'm not going to be here forever, and neither are they.

 

[Sherlock77]

Just in general, an elderly person living on their own is usually a bad thing unless they are physically active and very social... A house in particular isolates them from the world around them, especially if it is just them inside the house, and I'm certain that can lead to mental and physical health implications

There has been big growth recently in senior residences, I'm not talking about nursing homes for the infirm, but apartment blocks where they can be more social much easier with other seniors and participate in activities and such

 

[Bolletje]

I had a blissful period of relative solitude in my early twenties. Now all my friends are getting married and having babies and it's all bachelorette parties, baby showers and weddings. I love my friends but I wish they'd understand how incredibly draining and uncomfortable such social gatherings are for me. I wish I could just not go without it being a faux pas and impacting the friendship.

 

[Sherlock77]

I had a blissful period of relative solitude in my early twenties. Now all my friends are getting married and having babies and it's all bachelorette parties, baby showers and weddings. I love my friends but I wish they'd understand how incredibly draining and uncomfortable such social gatherings are for me. I wish I could just not go without it being a faux pas and impacting the friendship.

All older single people deal with that, particularly if they never married and never had children... Being single or raising a family are two completely different things (of course)

And I think it's hard for a single person to socialize with people who are either couples or raising children, just simply two different worlds... And the world of family is time demanding compared to being single and relatively carefree with your time

I'm not sure what the solution is to be honest, but I personally have a few single friends that I hang out with...

One recent friend of mine, who I connect with quite strongly is a husband and father and also a teacher... All of that means that he keeps quite busy, but we try to connect whenever we can... I do think that the idea of connecting with someone weekly may not be reasonable in some situations of family life

 

[Aspychata]

Yes, it's still hard for other's to accept that I'm perfectly happy being alone. But I don't hear, "Get out and meet people" like I used to. Now it's more just, "Get out and do something." This may sound odd, but I actually feel fortunate that I have so many problems with my back and neck that makes it hard to do things, so other people are more accepting of my not going out and doing things. Sad that they can only accept physical reasons rather than something they can't see. They can't see the physical either, but I guess it's more believable than the mental? So I can now honestly tell someone I can't come there for a week because of my trigeminal neuralgia has been bothering me, where they would never understand, "You don't have the foods I like at your house, and I'm not comfortable enough in your environment to get up and go to the bathroom when I need to, and I have no idea what to do when I'm not home, etc. etc."
My social needs is met if I talk to each of my children at least once a week (no, that's not social, that's worry - needing to know they are all okay). I like being home alone (sounds like a movie. lol) and if I feel like I want to talk to someone I can go upstairs and talk to my son or daughter in law. I'd like to be able to tell some people to not call me, I'll call them. But they know I wouldn't. I'm less social with age.

Thanks for understanding, glad you get it!!

 

[Aspychata]

All older single people deal with that, particularly if they never married and never had children... Being single or raising a family are two completely different things (of course)

And I think it's hard for a single person to socialize with people who are either couples or raising children, just simply two different worlds... And the world of family is time demanding compared to being single and relatively carefree with your time

I'm not sure what the solution is to be honest, but I personally have a few single friends that I hang out with...

One recent friend of mine, who I connect with quite strongly is a husband and father and also a teacher... All of that means that he keeps quite busy, but we try to connect whenever we can... I do think that the idea of connecting with someone weekly may not be reasonable in some situations of family life

But my message is l celebrate my aloness , it's part of being spectrum.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

it's part of being spectrum

Is a dyslexic aspie on the plectrum?

Or just a daft one?

 

[Aspychata]

Is a dyslexic aspie on the plectrum?

Or just a daft one?

Let's have a daft and elebrate it

 

[Aspychata]

But l know 69 year-old woman, both of them work, and they are both content to live on their own.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

Let's have a daft and elebrate it

A daft draft?
A draft of the daft?
Ok

 

[Peter Morrison]

I relish being alone more than I fear loneliness. I see loneliness as needing or wanting company when there is none. Alone and bored together make a form of loneliness, so the real enemy is boredom. There are many options for people when they are bored. I find peace and quiet emotionally healthy. Everyone should reserve peace and quiet time in their day, then make of it what you will.

 

[Fino]

People also seem to dislike it when you don't have any plans. People love plans. And weekends. What did you do over the weekend? What are you going to do next weekend? Have a good weekend!

 

[Sherlock77]

But my message is l celebrate my aloness , it's part of being spectrum.

I do understand, I'm much the same way at this point in my life... But whether Aspie or not, there are social pressures (however you choose to deal with them) to being single long-term...

 

[Ken S.]

Luckily for me my wife has come to understand my needs and respects my need for alone/down time. We still love each other very much and enjoy each others company but that is a one on one thing as it is much easier for me to cope with that than with larger groups.
When my problems start to be more than she can handle (She is a very empathetic person and other people's problems start to weigh on her) I give her a break by sending her to visit her mother or friends. You have to compromise when in a relationship and the breaks are good for both of us.

 

[Major Tom]

The older I get, the more alone time I require and also more time to decompress after being in a social situation.
It usually takes me 3-4 hours to wind down after work etc. Before, when I did more physical, less social jobs, I'd come home, shower, eat, maybe smoke a Doobie and fall right to sleep.

 

[Otenba]

That's very true. We had elderly patients come in with failure to thrive because they were confused and got lost in their basement. Family came to the hospital - why did he go a week without being checked on? They fall and lay there for days before being found. Another way I feel fortunate is knowing that my daughter in law is going to be down here at least once a day with an occasional exception. And I do realize that most people my age do not WANT to be alone.
But we are talking about social needs rather than safety.
My son and his family were gone a month once and during that time, I locked myself out of the house and it took me hours to get back in. I lost my phone. I fell down the stairs, but luckily was able to get up. I didn't mind the social aspect of not seeing anyone during that entire month (except standing in line at the grocery store ) but I did end up realizing I may need checked on now and then.

Yeah. I think it was a line of thought that would naturally come up because loss of safety is a side effect and that can potentially be very bad for anyone I suppose.

I'm glad you're safe and well from the experience you have described.

I have a feeling I don't crave alone time as much as others here, but I can go a long time just hanging with one person I trust and love.

I've never lived alone too because of safety concerns.. or circumstance like when I still lived with parents.

I've never had to choose between living alone or not, and if I was asked, I'd say not alone but I don't want to live with a stranger either (I don't know how people are okay with finding flatmates through advertising)... or a group since living with all my siblings and parents was very stressful. How my life has been is probably why safety came up so quickly in my first reply's logic.