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Featured Did I make a new friend? Feeling clueless

Discussion in 'Friends, Family & Social Skills' started by Cinnamon115, Feb 5, 2019.

  1. Cinnamon115

    Cinnamon115 Well-Known Member

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    I'm at college again and I've only been here a couple weeks. I started talking with someone at the table next to me during dinner. He seemed really nice, we talked awhile, and we exchanged phone numbers, but I haven't had a real friend in so long that I feel clueless on what to do. Are we friends now? Do I text him a bit? How does this work? I know my questions seem weird but I'm just really at a loss here. I would appreciate any advice that can be given.
     
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  2. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    You can text, call, and keep in touch, but be aware that sometimes people are looking for more than friends, so be careful.
     
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  3. Cinnamon115

    Cinnamon115 Well-Known Member

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    I know, that's what has me nervous I think. I'm just lost really at this point.
     
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  4. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    I agree with Tom.
    Men are always looking to hook up, not to find friends.
    I know I shouldn’t say always, so I’ll amend it to 99%.
    I doesn’t hurt to send a text though.
     
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  5. Cinnamon115

    Cinnamon115 Well-Known Member

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    How often do I send text messages though? He said he used to be a big introvert like me and he understands, so we don't have to text a lot, but how much is that?Like once a week? Once a day? Never?
     
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  6. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    Hmmmm.....
    I would send a short text soon and then not text again until he texts you back.
    Then I would text him back but after a few hours, not immediately.
    Maybe someone will answer who knows more about text etiquette than I do.
     
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  7. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    My rule for texting is I send a message, then wait for a reply. I never spam multiple texts. The only time I'll repeatedly text is if it's someone who I haven't spoken to in a while, then I'll send a follow-up text after a month or so.
     
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  8. Cinnamon115

    Cinnamon115 Well-Known Member

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    It's getting pretty late here, should I text him tomorrow? And what do I say? I'm not sure how I feel right now, but a part of me doesn't want to make new friends just yet, or maybe not at all.
     
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  9. Cinnamon115

    Cinnamon115 Well-Known Member

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    He just texted! What do I say? He said "it was nice meeting you". Should I say the same thing?
     
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  10. Major Tom

    Major Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Wait until tomorrow and think about it I'd say. I'm not sure as to what to text to him.
     
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  11. Cinnamon115

    Cinnamon115 Well-Known Member

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    Why wait until tomorrow?
     
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  12. Isadoorian

    Isadoorian Well Known Chat Member, Welcomer of Newcomers V.I.P Member

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    More time to think and plan on what you'd like to say; for now I'd say "It was a pleasure meeting you too!"
     
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  13. Cinnamon115

    Cinnamon115 Well-Known Member

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    So I should say "It was nice meeting you too" right now? or should that wait until the morning?
     
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  14. Cinnamon115

    Cinnamon115 Well-Known Member

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    I'm going to text him in the morning then. Thanks for the advice everyone. I might be posting here again if I need more help.
     
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  15. MeghanWithAnH

    MeghanWithAnH Active Member

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    "It was nice meeting you too" is a good reply, and then just wait to see what he says and reply based on that. You don't have to wait until the morning if it's a reasonable time to text in your timezone, although you can wait if you want to.

    I second the caution about people looking for more than friends. I accidentally agreed to dates with two separate guys before I finally met someone who really did just want to be friends. Fortunately, I was so awkward that the second guy didn't even mention going on another date :smile:

    Making friends after you haven't done it in a while is hard. When I went back to school I decided that I wanted friends so I would accept anyone's attempts at reaching out, and it has been reasonably successful, but I've been awkward and confused every step of the way. Fortunately, the person who did decide to try to make friends with me has been very patient.
     
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  16. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Your questions don't sound weird! You sound just like me!

    Well, I guess that doesn't make them NOT weird, sounding like me. That might make it worse...:eek:

    No, they're not weird! I'm sure of it! :D

    I would do nothing and a friendship would only occur if the other person made an unreasonable amount of effort to make it happen. :) I'm not saying do that, but that is what I do.

    It worked once, and it was the first time I made friends in over a decade! :cool:

    It's what the Christians call "a miracle". ;)
     
    Last edited: Feb 12, 2019
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  17. Monachopia

    Monachopia ...spiral out... keep going. V.I.P Member

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    Waiting a bit to reply is fine, especially not to send off "I wanna hook up" vibes. Immediate texting back could possibly give that impression. It doesn't hurt to have a friend, but as other people have mentioned, most guys seem to want more than friendship. Not all, so go with the flow I guess. If it starts to get a bit weird for you, make sure to let him know you're not looking for anything more than being a friend.

    Also, if you say he was an introvert, maybe he had a similar dilemma of sending you the first text. Everyone gets a bit anxious over it, I know I do! :)
     
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  18. china autie

    china autie friend to dogs and frogs and cats

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    You don't want to text back immediately because some guys interpret that as "Oh good, she wants me too."

    Speaking from unfortunate personal experience, some people look for our vulnerabilities. Do not meet him anywhere but in a public place for awhile. Do not get into a car with him.

    If he is nice, he will respect this. "Hey, coffee again? at the cafe" works.
    Any sort of "no, let' go to my place or yours" is a no go.

    Some guys will act nice and then try to hit us up for money "for an emergency."
    I do not give or lend out money.
    I do not have it to give you.
    I understand you are stuck and need the money but I cannot help you.
    Those are ways to say no.

    Do you know his last name? Look him up on the web.
    If not, type his phone number in. Some sites will deliver a first and last name.

    I look people up a lot because i want to avoid nasty surprises, like someone being on a sex offender list for a serious crime or someone lying about what they do for a living.

    If he is a college student, you can also observe how he,acts with his friends.

    Good luck. Do also pay attention to what he says about himself, even if he is "joking."
     
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  19. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    Just some more advice, sorry, I cant help it!
    Study, go to classes, do homework, and ace exams.
     
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  20. RachelN

    RachelN Active Member

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    text them and see. Sometimes men do just want to make friends. Saying men only want hookups is extremely offensive and ties into rape culture.

    Say hi...and how they are doing. Establish you want to be friends early in order to stop confusion.
     
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