Desire/Inability To Engage

[Loren]

Do you ever have so much to say on a topic, or find that you have so much in common with a person, that you become paralyzed/ unable to say anything, at all? Not sure why this happens, but, has occurred on occasion, throughout my lifetime.

 

[LadyS]

Do you ever have so much to say on a topic, or find that you have so much in common with a person, that you become paralyzed/ unable to say anything, at all? Not sure why this happens, but, has occurred on a few occasions, throughout my lifetime.

Just posted this on another thread, not exactly the same thing but similar. It at least illustrates to me when I feel the same way. It's like, where do you start? There's too much to say. I wish my thoughts were more linear or organized so I could have better clarity when communicating them.

 

[Loren]

Just posted this on another thread, not exactly the same thing but similar. It at least illustrates to me when I feel the same. It's like, where do you start? There's too much to say. I wish my thoughts were more linear or organized so I could have better clarity on communicating it. View attachment 71975

Yes, I think this is very similar, or, perhaps, a large part of what happens. It can also feel intense. Like there is an internal or emotional aspect. I can't put my finger on it, but, I can, absolutely, relate to what you've described/ what you experience, and I do experience the difficulty in organizing my thoughts/ the way I wish to express myself. Perhaps, the combination of what you posted and the intensity of knowing how much I have in common, or the desire to engage on a topic I have knowledge of, has made it feel impossible. Will introspect, further.

Thank you very much for sharing this with me.

 

[paloftoon]

Maybe it would be helpful to carry a journal or small notebook to try to jot things down that you don't feel comfortable saying out right away. Then you can choose something or nothing from that list later on.

You could do something like this with Notes on your phone, but many of us including me like to look at our phones too much and it just isn't the same feeling as using a journal or mini-notebook. A thought anyway. . . .

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The only thing that I ever trusted was my knowledge. And that helped me immensely along with the ability for finding relationships to that knowledge and experience. My spouse has been coaching me about this because it is an element that I am most confident about. So, engaging in conversation, I look for commonality, maybe ask a question, and answer in a way that opens the discussion in the direction of my contributing to the dialogue without bludgeoning somebody with a data dump. I've been practicing that, and still getting it wrong at times, but it's become more reflexive as time goes by. It plays to my strength of finding relationships between ideas or data, plus, it makes me listen more closely.

 

[VictorR]

Sometimes I'll get a message, read it, think of a detailed response, think of how to add to that, and then a week later I'm wondering why I haven't actually responded and if it's too late/awkward to do so.

 

[Luca]

There are some people I won’t even bother discussing my interests with because they get bored or they have no interest in the topic to begin with. If I sense this from anyone I will shut down.
There are also people in my real life that I have to be really careful with or just avoid talking about things that are important to me because for them it becomes a debate.
Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say about a certain topic that I don’t know WHAT to say. Lol. But that usually leads to me dumping a lot of random facts and knowledge into a conversation and that irks people. So sometimes I choose not to say anything at all.

 

[Loren]

Thank you for all of your input/ thoughts/ words of wisdom, and sharing what you experience.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I'm either on the ball with conversation and can be quite quick and witty, other times it's almost like I'm buffering - I'm thinking of things I want to say, but then I miss the moment, and then I ponder more and more. Before I know it I've been sat in silence a lot. Happens more when I'm with more than one person.

I'll either talk too much or too little. I'm quite prone to conversation hopping and going off on tangents etc. My ex used to call me out on it quite a lot. Seems like I have a hard time staying on topic, and one thought leapfrogs into something else that might seem completely unrelated, but it makes sense to me.

Ed

 

[watersprite]

I have a hard time staying on topic, and one thought leapfrogs into something else that might seem completely unrelated, but it makes sense to me.

If I am feeling at ease, I also do this, it is the way I communicate at times.
Coincidentally, recently I came across another person who does this - and we were fine with it.

There was a third person there, they were clearly frustrated with both of us. They didn’t get it. But for once, they were on the outside and had to wait for us to explore the connections and details of what was being discussed.

 

[tkcartoonist]

I have that issue a lot. I have even encountered it when texting someone or typing something online, where there's no face-to-face interaction at all. For me, it's because I'm afraid I might say the wrong thing and get called out on it.

 

[Raggamuffin]

I find it easier with text chat as I can take time to think about what I want to say. However, I find when the conversation is flowing, it's usually one sided - with me doing all the talking and hopping from one topic to the next.

Ed

 

[Loren]

There are some people I won’t even bother discussing my interests with because they get bored or they have no interest in the topic to begin with. If I sense this from anyone I will shut down.
There are also people in my real life that I have to be really careful with or just avoid talking about things that are important to me because for them it becomes a debate.
Sometimes I feel like I have so much to say about a certain topic that I don’t know WHAT to say. Lol. But that usually leads to me dumping a lot of random facts and knowledge into a conversation and that irks people. So sometimes I choose not to say anything at all.

I hope that, besides the less than favorable interactions you've encountered, you've, also, encountered/will encounter the type that are truly fulfilling and bring you joy!

 

[Luca]

I hope that, besides the less than favorable interactions you've encountered, you've, also, encountered/will encounter the type that are truly fulfilling and bring you joy!

Sorry if my post sounded really negative
I do encounter lots of people who love when I talk about my special interests!! I wouldn’t have met any of my closest friends if I didn’t approach them at events and ask all of them questions about their dogs. I wouldn’t know as much as I do now if I hadn’t sat down with them and listened to them and encouraged them discuss their interests either. I love the dog community. I’ve even met lots of other neurodiverse and disabled dog handlers.
I’m happy to discuss other people’s interests and hear about them too because I like to learn
I hope that you find people like this too, Loren. I know it’s daunting sometimes to figure out what to say and who to say it to. But there are definitely people who want to learn about others’ interests and passions so hopefully you’ve encountered those too

 

[Suzette]

Maybe it would be helpful to carry a journal or small notebook to try to jot things down that you don't feel comfortable saying out right away. Then you can choose something or nothing from that list later on.

You could do something like this with Notes on your phone, but many of us including me like to look at our phones too much and it just isn't the same feeling as using a journal or mini-notebook. A thought anyway. . . .

I have thought about doing just that and I tried it once in my teens. I quickly found that trying to jot down my thoughts as I went along just resulted in more confusion for me. It was adding another layer of "difficult" onto my dagwood sandwich of difficult.

 

[Suzette]

Sorry if my post sounded really negative

I didn't think your post was negative at all. You were just talking about your experience. Nothing wrong or negative in that!

 

[Pikake]

The only thing that I ever trusted was my knowledge. And that helped me immensely along with the ability for finding relationships to that knowledge and experience. My spouse has been coaching me about this because it is an element that I am most confident about. So, engaging in conversation, I look for commonality, maybe ask a question, and answer in a way that opens the discussion in the direction of my contributing to the dialogue without bludgeoning somebody with a data dump. I've been practicing that, and still getting it wrong at times, but it's become more reflexive as time goes by. It plays to my strength of finding relationships between ideas or data, plus, it makes me listen more closely.

Great tips.
This is very helpful.
I'll give it a try.
Mahalo
P

 

[Loren]

Sorry if my post sounded really negative
I do encounter lots of people who love when I talk about my special interests!! I wouldn’t have met any of my closest friends if I didn’t approach them at events and ask all of them questions about their dogs. I wouldn’t know as much as I do now if I hadn’t sat down with them and listened to them and encouraged them discuss their interests either. I love the dog community. I’ve even met lots of other neurodiverse and disabled dog handlers.
I’m happy to discuss other people’s interests and hear about them too because I like to learn
I hope that you find people like this too, Loren. I know it’s daunting sometimes to figure out what to say and who to say it to. But there are definitely people who want to learn about others’ interests and passions so hopefully you’ve encountered those too

My apologies, Luca, for not responding to your post, sooner. Just as I finished reading it, I had to step out and neglected to return. I want to thank you for your very kind sentiments. And, as Suzette mentioned; your previous post did not, at all, come across as negative.