1. Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Depressive personality: how do you live with it?

Discussion in 'Help and Support' started by Gritches, Nov 29, 2017.

  1. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,376
    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2016
    Karma:
    +4,262
    How do you live with a depressive personality?

    My therapist told me the other day that I'm probably always going to be suicidal, depressed, and generally miserable. Quite a prognosis to get from someone I've known for several years, who isn't just making flippant observations. But I think she's right. I've been like this for a long time, I've tried everything, and I'm ready to accept that having a depressive personality is probably just the way it's going to be. I'll be like this in success or in failure, for rich or for poor, rain or shine. I've quite given up on getting "better", and I know I need to learn to live with it.

    But it leaves me to wonder, what's the point? Why bother? Just continuing through life just for the sake of it? Why? What's supposed to keep me going?

    I just need to learn to live like this and I'm wondering how. Any insights are appreciated.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 10
  2. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,011
    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2016
    Karma:
    +1,706
    Depressive personality.....does she mean outside of brain chemistry?

    Do you think it's philosophical/existential?

    I read a book on ASD and Anxiety - the author's opinion was that a lot of our anxiety is existential in nature.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
  3. OkRad

    OkRad Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    2,301
    Joined:
    Oct 4, 2013
    Karma:
    +4,102
    I am in exact same place. I am very suicidal. too. I have no more ability to fight these monsters. I had a medical episode last week and thought i was going to die (long story)....and my last thoughts before I hit the floor where (OMG. I fought so hard to die like this? IT WAS NOT WORTH IT). I wished, at the moment, I had ended my life before I had more decades of suffering to look back on.

    HUmans grow. We don't live in the day (despite the fact that we should). So, the more I suffer, it was like crystal clear laying there....wow....I brouhgt this on myself. By living one more day and one more day and one more day, they added up, but not how my therapist and christian friends said. Nothing came to help.

    I woke up and made it off the floor. Was that my miracle? REALLY? If God is into miracles , I can think of sh**t load that would be better than letting someone creamed into the ground live it out another decade. Try improving my life! Duh.

    I have family now who loves me so I can't really off myself. But I am careless now. I don't care. I am about to start drinking.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 7
  4. Gracey

    Gracey Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,113
    Joined:
    Jun 30, 2017
    Karma:
    +5,628
    Acceptance goes a long way.

    There's a psychologist called Carl Rogers that once said " The curious paradox is when we accept ourselves as we are, only then can we change"
    (Or words to that effect)


    A psychiatrist told me approximately 12 years ago that I would be on the medication he was prescribing for the rest of my life.
    ... that was almost him laying down the gauntlet for me.

    I remember thinking 'oh we'll just have to see about that"
    It felt like a life sentence had just been handed to me and felt suffocated and restricted.
    Put into a neatly labelled box and not have the audacity to look beyond the box or the label.

    He prescribed these Medications after 20 minutes of listening to me and asking some questions so my circumstances are different to your own.

    I suspect you'll live with it the same way you always have?
    Finding ways to be kind to yourself and forgiving at the worst of times and finding ways to make the most of the hand we're dealt may help?

    * Edited to add - I obediently took those meds for five years,
    And then didn't.
    And Haven't taken any since :)
     
    Last edited: Nov 30, 2017
    • Friendly Friendly x 2
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Gritches

    Gritches The Happy Dog V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    1,376
    Joined:
    Jun 8, 2016
    Karma:
    +4,262
    I do believe she means outside of brain chemistry, she's talking about Persistent Depressive Disorder, formerly known as Dysthymic Disorder, which is a personality disorder. Personality disorders tend to be treatment resistant. It could very well be existential, and I know there's a tie with anxiety, so that could be something. Do you remember the name of the book?
     
  6. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,011
    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2016
    Karma:
    +1,706
    "Asperger Syndrome and Anxiety: A Guide to Successful Stress Management" by Nick Dubin (an Aspie) and forward by Dr. Valerie Gaus. I found the affirmation of my own experiences very helpful (when I first was realizing I was an Aspie), and it helped me see the importance of being kinder to myself. But I don't know if it actually helps with the existential part of it - it is important that it is discussed, but of course, those things have to be addressed individually. For me I think my faith/world view is very important to all of that, but it also happens to be my special interest and I am still working on it. I think I might have similar issues to what you have - but I am not suicidal nor have been, no matter how bad it got. I think I would be okay with how I am, but it "leaks" out of my face and mouth and it disturbs other people, which makes me feel bad/paranoid about it....but it is something I am always working on. Still wonder if I should get on a low dose anxiety pill....but that's another story and another post.
     
    • Informative Informative x 2
    • Like Like x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  7. Ambi

    Ambi Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    1,011
    Joined:
    Oct 10, 2016
    Karma:
    +1,706
    Okay, my terrible memory, I can't remember how much it addresses existential issues - I just don't remember. But I do think the book was very beneficial for me - I've highlighted throughout it, I think I need to revisit and read the highlights again! As @Gracey mentioned, acceptance goes a long way - and this book really did help me with acceptance, and that did indeed help me overall.
     
    Last edited: Nov 29, 2017
  8. OlLiE

    OlLiE Well-Known Member

    Messages:
    779
    Joined:
    Jun 26, 2017
    Karma:
    +1,358
    i know it sounds overly simplistic, but
    live for the things that you do enjoy and accept the rest as the price for it and try to find measures and tools to reduce the negative impact of the things that make you feel bad

    i think some of it is energy management,
    how i used to do things:
    1 having something that needs to be done
    2 being tired and resistent to doing it
    3 become more and more stressed about it
    4 when no time is left being stressed about being forced to do it
    do it
    5 realise that it wasn't as bad as i had made it out to be in my head and that i have made myself feel awful for no reason

    a lot of time the 'process stress and worry' was much higher than the actual effort needed to solve the problem

    now:
    1 plan a timely 'to do day' (date and sequential and logical list) that leaves me margin to deal with 'unexpected issues'
    2 don't worry about to anymore till my to do date
    3 'just get it done' on the to do day
    4 once decisions have been made, accept the potential consequences and NEVER indulge the would'a could'a should'a mind f*cks.
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Useful Useful x 1
  9. The Midge

    The Midge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    237
    Joined:
    Sep 10, 2017
    Karma:
    +377
    Ouch- being told you have a depressive personality is a hard bit of news to digest.

    I've been on ADs for the best part of 8 years and I had episodes of being on them before that. I'm now cutting down to half dose reasonably successfully. But being happy? I would say that I rarely am.

    Perhaps the pursuit of happiness is a waste of time. You can have a good life. And remember being on the spectrum makes life tougher to begin with. So when we compare ourselves it should always be with the thought "They probably don't have to cope with what I do".
     
    • Like Like x 1
    • Agree Agree x 1
  10. Voltaic

    Voltaic Most likely a real person V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    259
    Joined:
    Oct 25, 2017
    Karma:
    +1,064
    live day by day. soon days will turn into months, months into years, years into a lifetime.
    C&H time.jpg

    That's what they tell me.
     
    • Like Like x 1
  11. MaybeNotWhoKnows

    MaybeNotWhoKnows Active Member

    Messages:
    34
    Joined:
    Nov 22, 2017
    Karma:
    +74
    I have major depressive disorder. I'm not sure if that is the same thing you have, but it certainly gives me a depressive personality. Your therapist knows you, but they can't predict the future. "treatment resistant" does not mean it can't be treated or helped, just that it is usually difficult. I would advise that you try not to consider yourself doomed to misery forever (something I also struggle with). As far as strategies for dealing with it, apart from medications and therapy, I would feel like a hypocrite for giving out any specific advice, because at this point I am also struggling quite a lot.
    I wish you all the best. Nothing is hopeless.
     
    • Friendly Friendly x 1
  12. kestrel

    kestrel Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

    Messages:
    3,594
    Joined:
    Oct 14, 2014
    Karma:
    +9,332
    @Gritches I Haven't found a point, nor why I should bother, and I do not know what keeps me going. Lately I find it best to not demand answers to those from myself. But when I start getting scared & anxious I make 2 or more back-up plans. I keep these to myself, because I feel a little less distressed, and a little more energized by the fact that I retain control and power over the plans. Even thouh real life generally smashes plans. But until then they are a comfort: quietly there, just for me.
     
    • Like Like x 1