Depression Season

[Ken]

Well, it’s here – the depression season.

I think I am perpetually depressed, but the level varies. Anxiety elevates and exaggerates the depression. I have had a pretty good summer. Actually, it has been mostly good for me ever since COVID 19. But, now it’s social gathering season and most people are now ignoring COVID and I am terrified. Each time I have to go mingle with family, I might as well be having to go have an amputation or something catastrophic. That’s how it makes me feel. And, no it doesn’t get better after the gathering. That’s when the depression deepens and takes months to lessen (never completely goes away). In this season, anxiety keeps getting added to the previous depression - building and amplifying with each gathering. It is very overwhelming. Makes the quality of life not worth the effort.

Sorry for such a negative rant. I don't normally do this, but I guess I really need to vent. This is my only social comfort place.

 

[Raggamuffin]

Beliefs are powerful things. Anxiety and depression are empowered by them. For me, with Covid I am convinced it won't ever be a problem for me. Sure, you could say "how can you be sure?". Doesn't matter - it's my belief, so it's my reality. I've enjoyed most aspects of the pandemic, which sounds like an odd thing to say. And with nearly 2 decades with depression, perhaps it's just an example of schadenfreude, or somehow finding positives in a bleak situation. Health anxiety around it died down within a few months thankfully.

I feel a perpetual depression too. I'm making more of an effort to go outdoors and take in nature, as I know it helps. Stress has been high for me for many months and at the moment I'm aching 24/7 and it's vicious.

I find after socialising I replay moments on a loop. Often lost in a fantasy of what I'd have done or been like had I been anything other than me. More talented, or succcessful, or funnier, or "should've said that" etc. Those narratives often don't end well.

You have to find ways to ground yourself. Of course we have our hobbies/obsessions and our stimming. But situationally - with a season that can drag you down, you need to find environments that reinvigorate you.

Ed

 

[Thinx]

Um, do you absolutely have to do it, @Ken ? What's the reason you put yourself through the socialising? If it's for someone else, do they understand how difficult and distressing this is for you?

If my partner said it was like that for them, I would never want to do it again, I would find ways around things and want to help them feel as good as possible. There would be other ways to see anyone important.

In any case I long ago decided Christmas is a terrible time to spend time with my family. Stress and distress and the lack of emotional competence or developmental maturity isn't worth meeting up for. No one wins. Can you minimise this?

 

[Aspychata]

For starters this year do something different. First say no to the first get-together. Migraine headache. Go to next one. The next get-together car dies or you were sick and slept the entire day. Freedom is yours if you start coming up with excuses .

I use to have an itinerary of excuses because l am not very social.

Start taking charge of your life. Practice saying l can't make it, l am trying to catch a mouse in my kitchen. My car died in my driveway, l might make it depending on AAA getting here in the next 20 mins.

You can do this. You can pull back on social visits Then have a fabulous lie to tell them on the next visit. Like you caught the mouse and he played Chinese chopsticks on your phone and now he is a pet. Lol Ken.

 

[Suzette]

@Ken, I completely sympathize! One of the best thing I ever did was move far away from family. Now I only see them once a year or so during the summer. Everyone is more relaxed and the pressure is off so, ironically, everyone behaves better.
Give yourself permission this year to bow out. "I do like your get togethers but this year I need a rest. Lets get together after the new year to catch up!"
Maybe even book a cabin in the woods for you and your wife.
Your relatives and friends are all adults and perfectly capable if entertaing themselves and being understanding with you.

And, personal recommendation, take D3. At least 4,000 iu every day. It will pump up your immune system and really does help with winter blues.

 

[Tom]

As soon as the fall weather and less light settles in I start turning on the radio pretty soon after waking up. I just use public radio - classical during the day, light jazz at night. Just backround music but seems to help with mood. Pushes back the shadows so-to-speak. Also pets. Currently 4 dogs and 3 birds, but that has pros and cons. The cons being when they have illnesses.

 

[watersprite]

I’ve been dreading its arrival.

I have to keep it at arm’s length, so to speak. Once it gets started I find it is hard to stop it dragging me down. I don’t want to host anybody especially after the recent experience.

If this thread could keep going, (or even pin this thread?), I’d feel safer facing holiday season & then 3 more months of dark cold.

Sometimes I wish I could sleep through until Spring.

Edit to add I have to be sort of strict about nutrition like it or not.

Recorded books with really good narrators help me, and my music playlists, and the use of the lightbox + exercise.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Love you man.

Activity my friend, more activity! Lots more! Buy some paint? It's super fun. They never give back a deposit anyways, so just go for it. Get the blue tape, and sheet plastic
It is all about the activity level honestly seems to be. I start work at like 6am. I go till 1pm. I rest for about an hour or so, then back at it till as long as I can. Only seven pm today, I got kinda loopy, had to quit.

Something that is captivating or demanding. I'm painting a barn like structure, now. Lots of filler, then sand, then prime it. Super fun.

I hope this holiday is a fantastic one for you.

 

[Fino]

What medications do you take?

 

[Aspie_With_Attitude]

Once the weather becomes colder, this always feel this way and now that we are coming into the warmer months in Australia, I like to see how I feel maybe May next years.

 

[Ken]

Um, do you absolutely have to do it, @Ken ? What's the reason you put yourself through the socialising? If it's for someone else, do they understand how difficult and distressing this is for you?

My wife connected my socializing to depression even before I did. Now I see the direct connection. So, she is totally understanding. However, she has the same issue as me but on the opposite end. She becomes depressed without social contact. We compromise as much as possible. I have to respect her feelings as much as I feel she should respect mine. For the most part, she goes to family gatherings alone. We also limit all social gatherings to a maximum of four hours. Typically two.
It starts to look bad when I never show my face and it gets hard to keep making excuses. Also she feels better when I am with her. No one knows I am autistic. It would not work to inform them. They simply do not have the capacity to understand and revealing my autism would make things worse. Absolutely no doubt about that.
I do feel like I need to show up at least once a year or two. We have also combined holidays to one day per two or more holidays, which helps a lot. So, It is somewhat like one of those things you simply have to do - like it or not. It's a maturity thing. It's never been different, but I have to say that since my wife and I are working on managing it, it is definitely better. But still, even if this season includes only one 2 hour visit for the year, it is my depression season.

 

[Ken]

Love you man.

Activity my friend, more activity! Lots more! Buy some paint? It's super fun. They never give back a deposit anyways, so just go for it. Get the blue tape, and sheet plastic
It is all about the activity level honestly seems to be. I start work at like 6am. I go till 1pm. I rest for about an hour or so, then back at it till as long as I can. Only seven pm today, I got kinda loopy, had to quit.

Something that is captivating or demanding. I'm painting a barn like structure, now. Lots of filler, then sand, then prime it. Super fun.

I hope this holiday is a fantastic one for you.

Yep, I never just sit. Well, that's a figure of speech. I am always deeply engrossed in my electronics design work. But, I'm not sedate either. My daily exercises includes running, pull-ups, chin-ups and a list of floor exercises. This is all a part of my type-1 diabetes control, but it helps with depression as well. While the depression is a thing, I tend to mix it with the real-time anxiety of social visits. It's so bad that it interferes with doctor visit test results as doctor's visit are a social thing to me. My doctor knows I am autistic, but I have to point that out and how it affects the test each time. But at least she is understanding.

 

[Lemon Zing]

Heavy snow is expected in Scotland soon.

 

[Skittlebisquit]

With me the anxiety seems to come and go. At times it's near panic and at other times very mild. I track my moods, and activity phases, and record diet low points, like anything under 1850 calories in a day. I seem to do better on limited rations, in terms of emotional well being.

Comparisons are limited in value it seems, why compare myself to others anyways? I am so bizarre, I dress funny, I talk really wierd, my eyeballs are all over the place, and I always say something kinda stupid eventually...

Sometimes I am more ok than others at being an oddball. Diet has proven to be a key. Gaining control over that aspect of my person is, and has been a challenge, but after some time I feel more even in terms of emotional stability.

Having people who love and respect you is a beautiful thing. A group of positive and supportive friends is priceless

 

[Skittlebisquit]

Please do not underestimate your value to the people here. People look up to you, with good reason. You are a success story. Impossible odds, limited resources, significant hardships and you went from being what you used to be, to a self supporting man who is living independently! Wowsrrs

 

[Jordy]

Every season is depression season.

 

[watersprite]

I’m moving all my exercise equipment inside. The season of cold has begun.
Anxiety spiking as tomorrow will involve a nasty social interaction. It’ll be me alone vs a couple, however it’ll be short.
I’m going to force myself to do a workout, it’ll at least minimize the reaction.

 

[Judge]

Too excited to see some real rain to be depressed over fall. Not to mention with dawn being so dark I tend to get a better night's sleep. It rained more over a few days ago more than the entire year. Big news for the high desert.

Especially given a recent $38 bill for water alone as a renter in a one bedroom apartment. Outrageous, yet it still just reflects supply versus demand.

What's depressing for me the most right now? Inflation. Having to choose where to cut back on food to compensate for absurdly rising costs of living. Particularly rent that I have no control over at all.

No way to mitigate being penny wise yet pound foolish.

 

[watersprite]

I thought you owned that place @Judge.

Any good deals remaining around there on hoises? Or has that become a thing of the past?

 

[Judge]

I thought you owned that place @Judge.

Any good deals remaining around there on houses? Or has that become a thing of the past?

Not at all. We've simply become an extension of California's real estate market. - A seller's market.

Nope, I sold my condo when I moved to Nevada.