Delayed Emotional Processing

[Peeta]

So I found something about 'delayed emotional processing' on this site in a different thread and want to know more. Either through you guys' personal experience or some other sources besides the site the link I found it in was linking to.

From what I've gathered if you've got Aspergers (though I'm not sure if this is Aspie only?) you're prone to get an emotional response to something big and negative only after it has happened. The real kicker is that the response might even be bigger than the event might have warranted. I was wondering if others here have experience with this.

I'm thinking about a 'recent' experience of mine. Last year I've lost one of my pets. In a matter of two weeks she became and past away. Of course I was sad about this and even cried, but even now I'll get sudden bouts of deep grief over her dead. A similar thing happened with the passing away of my grandfather. I cried for a short moment during his burial, but didn't actually crack until the first anniversary of his dead. Is this what is meant with Delayed Emotional Processing? I'm eager to hear your thoughts.

 

[DogwoodTree]

I was binge-researching that very thing just two days ago.

So for me...it seems to be part of a pretty big picture: AS, C-PTSD, and general dissociative issues. And it doesn't happen only with big things, like loss of a loved one or a car wreck or whatever. I also experience delayed emotional processing in everyday events and interactions...just regular conversations. I'm not "present" to the emotions of the conversation until the conversation is over. There are so many layers of processing to be done in that one interaction of a conversation: sensory data, emotional data, verbal exchange, and more. I just can't process that many layers at once, so the emotional part of it gets delayed so I can stay functional on the verbal level and also handle input on the sensory level that is relevant to the conversation.

If I'm participating in a conversation like this one, where responses in each direction are delayed, I can take the time I need to process all of these different layers and I'm actually more engaged emotionally in a long-distance conversation like this than I am in a face-to-face conversation because here, the emotional layers can be processed as the conversation progresses instead of having to wait until after it's over. I can't tell you how long I spend pouring over an email I'm sending (both before and after sending it) or a response I get in order to process the emotional layers of it. But of course, that's not very "intimate" like a face-to-face conversation would be. But I just can't seem to be emotionally "present" in a face-to-face conversation because there's too much energy and data that must be managed first.

So...all of that to say...I'm now experimenting to see if I can manage to be emotionally present in the moment of an interaction or an event, and see if that helps me feel more connected with the reality around me.

 

[Datura]

I believe I have experienced delayed emotional processing.

The following story bears a strong trigger warning as it deals with sexual assault.

Spoiler: Trigger Warning!

One day I was visiting an other city and taking in the sites by myself. A man came up to me and started having a conversation with me. Things very quickly became sexual with him and he coerced me into doing various things I was uncomfortable with. It wasn't exactly rape, but his methods were insidious and he made me feel guilty and stupid whenever I was unwilling. He also physically blocked me from leaving on several occasions. We ultimately wound up in his apartment. I totally shut down at one point, just standing in place while he dry humped me, then I walked away.

Following that I thought, "Well, that was dangerous, but it's over and I am a grown woman in control of my own sexuality, so whatever." I simply went about the rest of my day, sight seeing and taking photos, like nothing had happened.

Months later I began to process what had happened and actually started to feel very violated and depressed. Perhaps the magnitude of my feelings was unwarranted, but it would have been nice if they had been there in the moment rather than months after the fact.

I also had a boss who slapped me on the butt one day. When it happened I really didn't react, but the next day I was furious. I never forgave him, and even when he died I didn't feel sorry for him.

 

[On the Inside]

I'm a little confused about this, but this is the first I've heard of it.

Is it delayed processing of one's own emotions?

Is it delayed processing of the emotional landscape of certain experiences, not just yours but the emotions of the others involved?

For me, it's both. I am often preoccupied with my own physical sensations, not necessarily my emotions, so I miss the connections between what is happening and the emotions involved.

 

[DogwoodTree]

preoccupied with my own physical sensations, not necessarily my emotions, so I miss the connections between what is happening and the emotions involved.

Pretty much this, for me anyway...I miss the connections between what is happening and my own emotions about it, even if it's a fairly benign event. It's like I'm just an actor on stage, and I don't get the emotional impact until later. Problem is...My emotions, once I get in touch with them, would have affected my behavior as well as my experience had I had access to them in the moment. But I just can't get to them until later when I'm alone, and they don't feel genuine at that point, just disconnected. So then I feel like I wasn't even really there, just maybe watching on tv or something. And this is pretty much all the time...pretty much all my life to date.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I've been there. But, mine is almost half intentional. Like when one of my relatives lost a baby, I kinda half suppressed, half naturally delayed processing the loss. I was there for the relatives until they'd gotten out most of their grief, then took my turn. Similar cases have happened with bad situations, like hunting down lost kids at a park, dealing with car wrecks, and stuff like that. I enjoy it, honestly. It lets me handle the situation with a cool and level head, and then when it's safe to fall apart, my emotions kick in.

 

[Ste11aeres]

I've been there. But, mine is almost half intentional. Like when one of my relatives lost a baby, I kinda half suppressed, half naturally delayed processing the loss. I was there for the relatives until they'd gotten out most of their grief, then took my turn. Similar cases have happened with bad situations, like hunting down lost kids at a park, dealing with car wrecks, and stuff like that. I enjoy it, honestly. It lets me handle the situation with a cool and level head, and then when it's safe to fall apart, my emotions kick in.

Maybe there's a survival reason for delayed emotional processing...

 

[Harrison]

I've been there. But, mine is almost half intentional. Like when one of my relatives lost a baby, I kinda half suppressed, half naturally delayed processing the loss. I was there for the relatives until they'd gotten out most of their grief, then took my turn. Similar cases have happened with bad situations, like hunting down lost kids at a park, dealing with car wrecks, and stuff like that. I enjoy it, honestly. It lets me handle the situation with a cool and level head, and then when it's safe to fall apart, my emotions kick in.

Never thought about it before, but it's just as you describe.

 

[Slithytoves]

I've been there. But, mine is almost half intentional.

It lets me handle the situation with a cool and level head, and then when it's safe to fall apart, my emotions kick in.

I'm the same way. I've long trained myself to approach things cognitively first (it works about 90% of the time). Everything else waits for cognition to finish at least first-round processing. I find it very useful in a crisis or intense conversation. Other people sometimes find it a little cold, though.

Before I refined that skill, I had a very hard time regulating the relative flow of thoughts, emotions and behavior. It was a mess that left me exhausted and rarely productive. I occasionally worry that I could get too good at holding back emotions, to the point where they may stop coming naturally anymore. So far, so good, though.

 

[Judge]

I've always had a delayed reaction when it came to personal catastrophes.

Yet I just never really thought about it that much in terms of why.

 

[On the Inside]

It lets me handle the situation with a cool and level head, and then when it's safe to fall apart, my emotions kick in.

I used to have a cooler head in situations, but as I've aged and took on more responsibilities (which often show my irresponsibility) I lost my ability to be detached and cool. I tend to get overwhelmed by reactions and anxiety, but I'm getting a grip on that.

 

[wyverary]

Datura That is definitely sexual assault, and I am sorry you had to go through that. I listen to a podcast that talks a lot about sexual abuse and assault, and I don't think your reaction is out of the ordinary. Virtual hugs.

 

[watersprite]

I also experience this. Not only with emotions, and trauma, but for an unknown reason it takes me a very long time to process the images I want to make into paintings, many of which have to do with integrating extremes of emotions (with my self).
For me, it makes things harder to deal with in therapy. Big subject for me, too much to explain in words but my abstract paintings are trying to get at this.
Good thread.

 

[Ylva]

I believe I have experienced delayed emotional processing.

I have a tendency to do what you described, and I'll say that I think it's a coping mechanism. Brains naturally suppress traumatic events until it's ready to deal with them, or so I've read, and I think this is that. I also think it's misnamed, since the emotions don't wait to be "processed", but the situation does.

 

[On the Inside]

I'm wondering how this (delayed emotional processing) relates to emotional detachment, which can be a healthy way to maintain boundaries, and dissociation, which is usually a coping or survival strategy which can often become problematic.

Maybe they aren't related at all, but when we are dealing with traumatic events, I think we're really dealing with dissociation.

I suppose delayed emotional processing would have a marked effect on how one deals with a traumatic event, resulting in greater tendencies to become dissociated.

When I was meditating regularly I felt I had a healthy emotional detachment, and since I was living a life close to the precepts of the tradition, I was experiencing life with greater sense of peace and understanding. I think I was able to better "approach things cognitively" as Slithy stated, and stay above the emotional turmoil of a situation. Fast forward 5-10 years and I have lost that emotional detachment and I often edge on dissociation, I just check out when things get too out of hand.

Before that, I think that I was mainly dealing with delayed emotional processing, I didn't know how things effected me emotionally until I had plenty of time to replay things, process, and analyze what went on. By then, of course, any chance at emotional connection and communication had passed.

I don't really have any experiences that I would consider traumatic. Difficult, disappointing, hurtful experiences, yes, but not traumatic. I'm sorry that some of you have had such bad experiences.

 

[Peeta]

I do also think that it might be a bit of a survival skill. I also have experience with basically 'flipping off a switch' on command when it comes to certain things. At the moment I'm in a stressful (but still good) part of my life, where I'm sure a NT person might be a lot more emotional about it. It is possible for me to tell people close to me, very blank and straightforward, what is happening and that I'm hurt/pissed off/etc. I usually get commands that it is okay to cry or be upset and that I sound very distant from my issues.

The thing is, while I don't have anything against crying itself, I don't like to cry. I don't like the feelings I associate with it; stress, sadness, depression, feelings of loss and/or powerlessness, sometimes even frustration. In certain situations, like this one, I don't see the point of being sad or cry. I do not feel like letting my feelings lead me in dealing with the issues. So I flip the switch. I'm still annoyed and hurt, but I don't stress out or get depressed. I'll have some episodes every now and then, but at least I can deal with the issues a lot better than if I didn't.

 

[Progster]

Pretty much this, for me anyway...I miss the connections between what is happening and my own emotions about it, even if it's a fairly benign event. It's like I'm just an actor on stage, and I don't get the emotional impact until later. Problem is...My emotions, once I get in touch with them, would have affected my behavior as well as my experience had I had access to them in the moment. But I just can't get to them until later when I'm alone, and they don't feel genuine at that point, just disconnected. So then I feel like I wasn't even really there, just maybe watching on tv or something. And this is pretty much all the time...pretty much all my life to date.

Yes, watching TV, that's exactly how I describe this kind of emotional disconnect that I feel when around other people. I read a theory somewhere in a thread here that there is evidence that in autistic people, the area of the brain responsible for processing non-verbal information isn't so strongly connected to the area responsible for processing emotions, the hippocampus, and that is why facial expressions or gestures don't evoke an emotional response in us as they do for NTs.

Sometimes I have emotions without realising that I have them. For example, when travelling I'm often perfectly fine until later when I suddenly start to feel nauseous, disorientated or dizzy. For a lot time I didn't understand what was going on and blamed my nausea on food poisoning and other such possible causes, but now I realize that these symptoms are due to anxiety - but my anxiety is suppressed while travelling and it doesn't hit until later when the physical symptoms start to appear. At other times, I feel anxious or upset about something, but I don't know what is causing this sudden feeling, and often it's a delayed reaction to something that happened earlier.

I also don't always process the emotional content of emails or forum threads until later, and don't respond to them straight away. I need time to think.

 

[DogwoodTree]

in autistic people, the area of the brain responsible for processing non-verbal information isn't so strongly connected to the area responsible for processing emotions, the hippocampus, and that is why facial expressions or gestures don't evoke an emotional response in us as they do for NTs.

I hadn't thought about it that way, but it makes sense...I do notice and read facial expressions and body language pretty well, but it doesn't evoke an emotional connection for me with the person. It's more like reading data that could potentially cause difficulties but not necessarily...so I'm reading the data with some apprehension, almost like a patient who is waiting for medical test results or an investor who is watching a stock market ticker.

Sometimes I have emotions without realising that I have them. For example, when travelling I'm often perfectly fine until later when I suddenly start to feel nauseous, disorientated or dizzy. For a lot time I didn't understand what was going on and blamed my nausea on food poisoning and other such possible causes, but now I realize that these symptoms are due to anxiety - but my anxiety is suppressed while travelling and it doesn't hit until later when the physical symptoms start to appear.

This makes a lot of sense to me, too. I'm usually aware there's an underlying layer of anxiety, especially when I have to be around people, but I don't necessarily connect the anxiety with any specific emotions. There's simply no emotional connection other than anxiety or annoyance when I'm around people. Sometimes I feel hungry for connection, even desperately so, but absolutely no clue how to bridge that gap within myself...in my inner-world experience.

 

[Progster]

I hadn't thought about it that way, but it makes sense...I do notice and read facial expressions and body language pretty well, but it doesn't evoke an emotional connection for me with the person. It's more like reading data that could potentially cause difficulties but not necessarily...so I'm reading the data with some apprehension, almost like a patient who is waiting for medical test results or an investor who is watching a stock market ticker.

This makes a lot of sense to me, too. I'm usually aware there's an underlying layer of anxiety, especially when I have to be around people, but I don't necessarily connect the anxiety with any specific emotions. There's simply no emotional connection other than anxiety or annoyance when I'm around people. Sometimes I feel hungry for connection, even desperately so, but absolutely no clue how to bridge that gap within myself...in my inner-world experience.

Yes, I can read basic facial expressions or body language too - but apart from the lack of emotional connection, I concentrate more on what the person is saying and don't pick up on their body language or facial expressions. There are many layers of communication, and I can't process them all at once and in real time - so the main processing takes place when I'm alone and start going over and analysing the conversation, what nuances may be present or how the person may have felt.

I also find that my level or awareness of anxiety can vary from one day to the next - one day, I am fine, and the next day I have a lot of anxiety seemingly out of nowhere, and I freeze in the supermarket and can't move for 5 mintues because I suddenly feel anxious, things like that.

 

[Xin Zhou]

I have delayed emotional processing to everything... Even basic conversations. It's really inconvenient!! During the conversation I'm too busy making up a "normal looking" response that I don't pick up subtle cues until afterwards and don't pick up on my own emotions until maybe a day, days, or even weeks later when I reflect on it.
I keep giving people false impressions of how I think and feel because of this, but I was really just trying too hard to not make people uncomfortable. *exasperation*
I also prefer text. I can't read as much emotional information from other people because I don't have similar emotions, but I can definitely express myself more freely, even if I'm also not understood.