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Dealing with anger

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by Misery, Aug 2, 2021.

  1. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Yeah, it's one of those times.

    Current mood can sorta be summed up with this:

    tenor.gif

    I managed to get through the last 10 minutes without stabbing anything, so I've at least calmed down enough to type, albeit slowly and with difficulty in staying coherent.

    Not going to go into just what set me off... one of those things where the mere mention of it is not a good idea.

    Now, I normally dont get THIS bad. I can get into a rage pretty easily, but this is more like "went right through anger and out the other side" sort of thing. Worse yet, this one is likely to be a sore spot and a constant source of perpetual dark moods for at least a month or so.

    I'm aware that on this site I generally appear to be mostly calm and passive, but in reality I have a *very* short fuse and will lose control easily if provoked.

    I've never been able to deal with this sort of thing well. Never know what to do or how to keep from being consumed by rage. It's hard enough to think in this state.

    So how do you guys deal with this sort of thing? When you get really angry, what do you do about it, if anything? How can you manage to stay in control?
     
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  2. BrokenBoy

    BrokenBoy 戯言使い(Nonsense User)

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    Haha. I'm the same. I just seethe until it stops.

    Though if it's someone online, then I might try to look for their dox, though I never succeed.
     
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  3. jleeb05

    jleeb05 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The rage is real. I usually say the best way to get "over" an emotion is to go "through" it. Sometimes I feel trying to hold back my anger is what causes me to erupt.

    That said, besides not letting it build up, the best way I've found to combat anger is time. When I'm enraged I'm not always in control, I call it "emotional hijacking" but If you are cognizant enough to give yourself a few minutes, do so. If I can remind myself of the costs, it usually helps.

    When I was young, I was a good kid but my anger was not well controlled. I remember this girl bullying me in middle school. I never did anything about it and my anger just built up. One day she passed me on the stairwell...her bookbag was like a bullseye so I perhaps fulfilled every bullied child's fantasy, and slammed my foot into her bookbag as hard as I could. She fell down the steps. Thank goodness, she didn't break her neck and I escaped punishment. And you know the funny thing? At this point, I don't even remember any of the things she did or said to make me so upset...not one. Yet if she had been seriously injured or worse, it could have ruined my life.

    So when I'm angry, I often think of the potential cost of expressing that anger in a detrimental way. It's almost never worth it and if you start to feel like it is, question your judgment. If you need to kick, scream, cry...do so. It's cathartic. Just don't take it out on yourself or others.
     
    Last edited: Aug 3, 2021
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  4. Yeshuasdaughter

    Yeshuasdaughter You know, that one lady we met that one time. V.I.P Member

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    Some anger is healthy. It can motivate you to do things better and make things right. But to seethe isn't gonna help anyone. All you're going to do is make yourself sick. Whomever you are mad at will just blindly go on with their life, and have a great day most likely.

    Forgiveness is a verb. It isn't just something you wait to have happen. You have to physically do it. It's so difficult. But you have to be the one that physically and mentally says, "I am not going to take this out on them anymore. I am not going to let this anger control me." And then since it's a verb, you do just that.

    It's torturous sometimes, but eventually you find that you have forgiven them in your heart and you can move on without being a slave to anger.
     
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  5. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Agree, some anger is useful. I spent too long not getting angry about stuff. I don't have a lot of it EXCEPT when I went thru menopause, twas quite an angry time, I used to yell at the dogs, seemed to help and they didn't listen anyway.
     
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  6. Suzette

    Suzette Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I used to hold back all my frustrations, pain and anger until I raged in a terrifying way.
    In those times t used a variety of outlets. Always on my own so that I didn't hurt or frighten anyone.
    1. Drive out to the countryside and endulge in rage screaming. Carry water and sore throat lozenges. Do not use words. The object is just to disipate energy.

    2. If you are a good automatic driver, just drive while screaming out your frustrations and anger. Use this time to say, outload, what you really think. Do not hold back. Swear, endulge in name calling etc. Finish up by calling the subject of your rage, every horrible thing you can think of. As uour energy gets spent you may find your own creativity funny. (This is my favorite method)

    3. Find a safe place away from people. Hit and smash things. This takes a physicsl toll on you so be sure you really want to do it. Wear headphones and eye protection.
    I particularly liked an old stump and a baseball bat. Smashing plates sounded good, but flying shards of ceramic can cut you. I didn't like that very much.

    4. Lift weights, go for a run, go on a really long rage walk.

    The idea here is to burn off that horrible and scary extra energy. That energy is adrenaline. Unless you can direct it out, it can be dangerous for your own mind. So preplan some actions you can take, like the choices above. Know where to go, how long it takes to get there etc and if your activity requires supplies, have them ready to go by your door or in your car so you don't have to think about it.

    Once you have burned off the extra energy you can work on the problem eith yoyr rational mind.

    Good luck. Be safe!
     
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  7. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 An Appeal to Heaven! V.I.P Member

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    I wish I knew some better ways to deal with my anger. I want make some big improvements in my life here but my anger is one of the things holding me back; so far, I can do is hope and pray that this memory goes away and I can forget about it.
     
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  8. Wulven

    Wulven Active Member

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    Exercise helps. As does playing music with people screaming and electric guitars.
     
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  9. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Anger has not been a problem for me for most of my life. I am a very easy going person. However, I have some anger problems in my old age. The only person that I get mad at is myself. I am used to being able to do what I need to do. It is very frustrating not being able do things that I used to be able to do.
     
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  10. jleeb05

    jleeb05 Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Also, as I've learned more about autism, I'm beginning to suspect that some people on the spectrum are sensitive to emotions, just as some have sensory sensitivities. There may even be some interplay between the two.

    So if you're feeling emotionally charged, it might be helpful to respond in a manner similar to what one might do for sensory overload. For me, that means closing my door, turning off the lights, and letting my mind rest.
     
    Last edited: Aug 2, 2021
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  11. Aspychata

    Aspychata Serenity waves, beachy vibes

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    I have screamed, it does dissipate tension, but l just scream at my wall, not at people. My anger comes from ridiculousness that has nothing to do with me. More just extreme busybodies in my life. I don't like a bunch of people in my life. So that part irritates me

    Exercise if you can. If you can't then maybe a drum set so you can pound out your frustrations.

    Sitting in nature, is very calming. Walking in the rain.

    Maybe an isolation tank? Meditation perhaps, or journaling?

    Started journaling myself, it does help me. Also being with a special guy puts me in a different perspective.

    Good luck Misery. Let us know what works for you.
     
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  12. KagamineLen

    KagamineLen Video game and movie addict. V.I.P Member

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    When I had a gym membership, I vented out my rage by running on a treadmill for an hour. By the end of that, I had no energy left to be that pissed off for a while, and the endorphins started kicking in so I was just fine for a while.

    I too have tons of anger issues, although in my case it is mainly directed towards my blood family.
     
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  13. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Keep trying to be as amazing as you really are V.I.P Member

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    Hey hope things are looking brighter for you today. Echo on exercise and vocalizing. I get to talk loud/scream at home if I need to.

    I dont drive when I am "in a compromised state" which covers intoxication of any kind, bright shiny things look pretty, sleepy, Cant find beautiful blessed glasses, too sad, or irrational unstable mentally or emotionally.

    Write phrase "I will not summon or feed the Daleks" numerous times. Repeated writing is an affirmation, just like saying it aloud so it totally counts towards the daily progress chart.

    Tell some one all about it. Its bs to use your friends and family as a toxic puke bucket, but we all love you, so a little puke every once in a while is ok, all puke and whine all the time is no bien.

    Laughter is joyous, but it may not be there for you, today. So ask your friends for jokes, sometimes if you say it out loud it will make you chuckle.

    If you write down your darkest fantasies in your rage, they are both suprising ugly, but sophisticated in a way. If you read those rantings aloud it will stop the dalek feeding cycle, as those vile things are easily frightened. Speaking aloud the dreams of violence is like a mirror, it will startle them enough to stop the chorus.
    (they will flee entirely the light of reason and songs of love.)

    Attempting to banish anger demons entirely is usually Ill advised, they are sort of like pilot fish are for sharks. So chasing them might just be both what they really want, and turn out in a significant tradgedy.

    If you can start helping some one, writing fiction, or teaching anything that will often hit a reset.

    Befuddlement is valuable too. My very favorite is.... I will have to find it. Its hardcore engineering lectures with cartoons, about stress factors in steel beams, or moment of inertia calculations. Not speculative stuff, just real science. It numbs me out

    Oh diabolical and ruthless murder are great too. I get to kill as many Hornets and gophers as I want, no bag limit!



    Hope your day gets better
     
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  14. Nairobi

    Nairobi Active Member

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    I need to get completely away from whoever or whatever has triggered the anger. It can feel like a hurricane building up and passing through. I also need to vent - to someone I trust, or into a journal - or a blog or online community. And I also need to remember/connect with someone who I feel loves and cares about me that I really trust (as a child, the only person I had was God, so even though I had no one else to reach out to, I held intensely to God). And then I need to wait it out, wait for the storm to pass. So I guess it's a 4 pronged response: 1) escape; 2) release; 3) refuge; and 4) wait. If it's something really serious, I can expect minor storms cropping up in the future, like aftershocks of an earthquake.
     
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  15. Greatshield17

    Greatshield17 An Appeal to Heaven! V.I.P Member

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    Traditional Catholic Philosophy says that the body and emotions are one and the same; but it also says that anger actually comes from the intellect and/or will which, for me when I first heard that, really helped explain why Autistic people are more prone to anger and rage.
     
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  16. RenameMePlease

    RenameMePlease Drinking Coffee

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    I rarely get seething angry, but when I do, I just want to break things. Part of me knows that I'll regret breaking something, so I find something to hit (like my pillow). I'll punch and swing my pillow against my bed and just freak out. I also found that bashing a facial tissue box is satisfying. The problem is that I would end up with tissues without a box because the box would be all crumpled and ruined...
     
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  17. Ken

    Ken Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I think everyone, autistic or NT - everyone - experiences explosive anger under certain circumstances. I think that is just natural.
    I have been learning how to recognize situations that leads to anxieties and try to avoid it. There are still some surprise hits sometimes, but I think I'm getting better.

    There is actually a movie specifically about anger management. It is about Tom Junod and how he learned to manage his anger inducing anxieties. In the movie Tom Junod is portrayed as Lloyd Vogel. His teacher is: of all people, Fred Rogers - played by Tom Hanks. It is a true story. Tom Junod came to know Fred Rogers by being assigned to write a story on him for Esquire magazine, but he got more than he bargained for (in a good way). Here is the Esquire story .
    The movie is titled; A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood.
    Because the movie involves Mr. Rogers, it may seem somewhat hokey, but it really is about a serious subject.
     
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  18. Skittlebisquit

    Skittlebisquit Keep trying to be as amazing as you really are V.I.P Member

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  19. _eri_bellehumeur

    _eri_bellehumeur Active Member

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    I relate to this alot- my fuse is also very short and while I am not physically violent and have never actually hurt anybody unless it was in self defence, my temper can be pretty scary and I will have to leave a situation immediately to avoid becoming violent. For me, that is essential- separating yourself from the people/situation/environment that triggered the response is the first step, followed by breathing techniques (i use the box breathing method), so that the anger isn't just turned on yourself, but can be released. I'm looking into kickboxing classes as a way to get rid of excess energy and help regulate my anger so it doesn't build up and then boil over at a small inconvenience.
     
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  20. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Unfortunately, I cannot really forgive the virus.

    No, no, I didnt catch it or anything. I'm fine. But it IS the cause of the thing set off my anger. Accursed thing.

    Aye, not bad ideas. I already sorta do the smashing (within reason) and the yelling. Though the swearing usually comes out as things like "CRAP ON A BOOGER" or "YOU ABSOLUTE BUTT". Normal four-letter swears are really overused.

    Well, I do have the VR. Maybe I should make that part of the response to anger. After all it's hard to focus on some emotion when you're being attacked by flaming skeletons on the moon.

    Honestly when I think about it that's probably the thing that'd help most. Any VR stuff, that total immersion.

    Hm. Well there is Youtube. Some videos, cant get through them without at least a giggle, though it can be hard to remember that they exist when in that state.

    Favorite one lately:



    "Caaaaaaarrrrlll, that kills people!"

    I nearly spit out my drink.



    A lot of good stuff here... thanks to everyone who responded.
     
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