Hello. I'm new here. I've read the forums many times during bad bouts with my partner, but today I finally decided I need to stop fooling myself and accept that this is real and that I need real help and perspective. My story and questions are intricate, so I think I'm going to post in a few different sections regarding different parts of my story.
My posts are probably going to largely be about my relationship with my partner, since that is where I'm really struggling. But, I'm an NT and found out my mother self-diagnosed herself at some point (maybe 6 years ago?), and told me that she considered herself on the spectrum and it explained a lot for her. I always had a good relationship with her. But, around the same time, maybe just a little after knowing she was on the spectrum, she shared these letters she saved that I wrote to her when I was a little girl. The letters made me feel shame, and feel bad about myself just reading them. I was basically taking responsibility for her emotional meltdowns, apologizing for anything I might have done to upset her. I was very young in some of these letters. My mother just thought they were sweet....I see them as great evidence of work I need to do as that was the beginning of me taking on responsibility for someone else's feelings. At the time, I had apparently thought I had done something wrong...and I may have been corrected, I am sure my mother would have said that it wasn't my fault and that she loved me, but clearly that didn't work because there is a small stack of these kinds of letters.
I don't even know what I'm asking. Just throwing this out there, as it is definitely a piece of my bigger puzzle, and probably why I fell in love with my current ASD partner and why I want so badly to gain his approval and acceptance.
My posts are probably going to largely be about my relationship with my partner, since that is where I'm really struggling. But, I'm an NT and found out my mother self-diagnosed herself at some point (maybe 6 years ago?), and told me that she considered herself on the spectrum and it explained a lot for her. I always had a good relationship with her. But, around the same time, maybe just a little after knowing she was on the spectrum, she shared these letters she saved that I wrote to her when I was a little girl. The letters made me feel shame, and feel bad about myself just reading them. I was basically taking responsibility for her emotional meltdowns, apologizing for anything I might have done to upset her. I was very young in some of these letters. My mother just thought they were sweet....I see them as great evidence of work I need to do as that was the beginning of me taking on responsibility for someone else's feelings. At the time, I had apparently thought I had done something wrong...and I may have been corrected, I am sure my mother would have said that it wasn't my fault and that she loved me, but clearly that didn't work because there is a small stack of these kinds of letters.
I don't even know what I'm asking. Just throwing this out there, as it is definitely a piece of my bigger puzzle, and probably why I fell in love with my current ASD partner and why I want so badly to gain his approval and acceptance.
