Dating Someone With Autism

[PDPrincessKitty]

Hello. I came across this forum searching for information about dating someone with Autism. My boyfriend and I have been together for about 2 1/2 months now. We first met when we worked together at a pizza place. I knew instantly that he was autistic but I didn't let that stop me from being his friend. Through out the time we worked together we became good work buddies. He eventually found a better job and quit the pizza place but we kept in touch through Facebook. We eventually became such good friends that he would come to me when he was having problems or just wanted to talk to someone. Later in the year I hit a rough patch and needed a place to stay. He found out and opened his door to me when no one else would. We started hanging out when he would get home from work at 2am, listening to music and just talking. As we got to know each other more I started to develop feelings for him which I eventually admitted to him on my birthday while I was drunk (Lol). But it actually worked out for the best. The day after my birthday we talked about what I had told him and he told me that the feelings were mutual. We took things a little slow (even though we were already living together) and a month later we made it official. We couldn't be happier. He is an amazing person inside and out.

 

[Tom]

I'm Aspie, married to a NT (Neurotypical) woman for 32 years. It can work out just fine is my message.

 

[Starfire]

I'm an Aspie married to a NT woman too, for nearly 20 years. I agree with Tom. It's great that you are taking an interest in autism and finding out what it's about.
Welcome to the forum and I'm glad you're here.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Warmheart]

A warm welcome here!

 

[tree]

 

[LucyPurrs]

Welcome to AC! Folks here are great- kind, accepting and helpful.

 

[VioletHaze_03]

I really expected this post to go a certain way, and i'm really grateful it didn't. Most nt's that come here are quick to complain about their spouses/partners, and how certain aspects of their partner need to change so they can have a happier relationship. It's nice to see someone who can accept the person they love for who they are, because that's not something you hear a lot. I think if nt's had the attitude you do, autistics would have a much easier time making friends and surviving in the world. Anyway, feel free to ask us anything, all of us are really supportive. It's very inspirational to hear from such a supportive nt.

 

[pjcnet]

It's really nice to read an uplifting story like this, there's absolutely nothing wrong in asking for help and advice, in fact supporting each-other is a large part of what this community is all about, but it also makes a pleasant change for someone to take the time just to write about how they're happy and this can also an inspiration to others so thanks for sharing.

I wish both of you all the best and welcome to ASPIESCentral.

 

[LucyPurrs]

I really expected this post to go a certain way, and i'm really grateful it didn't. Most nt's that come here are quick to complain about their spouses/partners, and how certain aspects of their partner need to change so they can have a happier relationship. It's nice to see someone who can accept the person they love for who they are, because that's not something you hear a lot. I think if nt's had the attitude you do, autistics would have a much easier time making friends and surviving in the world. Anyway, feel free to ask us anything, all of us are really supportive. It's very inspirational to hear from such a supportive nt.

That's why I came here. I didn't go seeking someone with AS, I ended up in a close friendship, actually in an emotionally intimate relationship with a guy I suspect has AS because he has so many of the characteristcs of it. But I love him for who he is and that includes his differences, not in spite of his differences and that's what I have told him. I want to understand him more so I can help him to feel maximally accepted and loved by me. It sometimes hurts to hear how much generalizations there are about NT women- I have little in common with those stereotypes posted on here. I need space, alone time, eschew many conventions, hate small talk, etc., etc. yet when I take the tests I come out as solidly NT. Maybe NTs are as varied as AS folks are and it's a matter of a fit between two people and not between NT/AS.

 

[Judge]

Maybe NTs are as varied as AS folks are and it's a matter of a fit between two people and not between NT/AS.

I think that's a reasonable assumption. That their traits and behaviors have a spectrum of their own as well...one that you may occupy a very different place in.

That ultimately real chemistry between a couple remains a "wild card" of sorts.

 

[pjcnet]

That's why I came here. I didn't go seeking someone with AS, I ended up in a close friendship, actually in an emotionally intimate relationship with a guy I suspect has AS because he has so many of the characteristcs of it. But I love him for who he is and that includes his differences, not in spite of his differences and that's what I have told him. I want to understand him more so I can help him to feel maximally accepted and loved by me. It sometimes hurts to hear how much generalizations there are about NT women- I have little in common with those stereotypes posted on here. I need space, alone time, eschew many conventions, hate small talk, etc., etc. yet when I take the tests I come out as solidly NT. Maybe NTs are as varied as AS folks are and it's a matter of a fit between two people and not between NT/AS.

I can fully understand you not liking NT generalisations when you know you're nothing like how NTs are sometimes portrayed. Sometimes it can work both ways however and obviously that is something neither autistic people or NTs want. We are all individuals and there isn't really such a thing as a typical NT or autistic person.

It's also a shame that there appears to be such a large divide between some autistic people and NTs, I think the divide can sometimes grow when autistic people get together into their own communities and that's probably their only potential disadvantage, although the advantages usually greatly outdo any disadvantage. For instance NTs can sometimes be portrayed almost as if they're a different species, but reading this thread and also some of the replies alone proves that this isn't always the case, often NTs and people on the autistic spectrum can get on well together even sometimes in serious relationships and it's nice to read about such examples.

 

[Progster]

It's also a shame that there appears to be such a large divide between some autistic people and NTs, I think the divide can sometimes grow when autistic people get together into their own communities and that's probably their only potential disadvantage, although the advantages usually greatly outdo any disadvantage.

Yes, sometimes there is a 'them versus us' feeling to some discussions which isn't helpful and really needs to be avoided.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

That's why I came here. I didn't go seeking someone with AS, I ended up in a close friendship, actually in an emotionally intimate relationship with a guy I suspect has AS because he has so many of the characteristcs of it. But I love him for who he is and that includes his differences, not in spite of his differences and that's what I have told him. I want to understand him more so I can help him to feel maximally accepted and loved by me. It sometimes hurts to hear how much generalizations there are about NT women- I have little in common with those stereotypes posted on here. I need space, alone time, eschew many conventions, hate small talk, etc., etc. yet when I take the tests I come out as solidly NT. Maybe NTs are as varied as AS folks are and it's a matter of a fit between two people and not between NT/AS.

That wasn't stupid at all.

Very disappointing

 

[PDPrincessKitty]

Thank you all for the warm welcome. I look forward to getting to know you and learning from you all