Currently undergoing diagnostics and unsure how to act.

[Oliver Fur]

Hello,

I’m 23, and have been in and out of therapy for years now for depression, anxiety, and related complications.

My therapist now believes I might have high functioning autism. I’ve had my own suspicions about this for some time, but now that a professional has also reached that conclusion, it feels much more probable.

So my first introductory question is this: How do I handle social interactions while I’m undergoing diagnosis? I feel terrified of talking with anyone out of fear that I’m doing everything wrong and I don’t even realize it. I feel like I can’t continue interacting “like I always have”, because that way of acting could be completely wrong, but I don’t know what else to do. This has led to self-imposed social isolation recently.

How did you handle this phase? Any suggestions or life advice?

 

[Clueless in Canada]

Hi Oliver, welcome. I am 51 years old and about to begin the process of testing in a couple of weeks. I have a son just a bit older than you who may be seeking testing as well. Like you, the sudden awareness confused me a little as I began to see everything through the autism lens. Where before I always knew I had difficulties, now I constantly wonder how often I make mistakes that others notice. My best strategy is to tell myself that I am who I am and have always been so. I've lived for 51 years and not yet died of shame or of being misunderstood or disliked. I anticipate that a diagnosis will be helpful but it doesn't change who I am and who I am is just fine. Anyone who knows me knows I am kind, compassionate, intelligent, funny, creative, a good mother and a devoted partner. Anyone who doesn't know me well enough to know these things isn't in a good position to judge me so what they think just doesn't matter.

Handle social interactions the way you always have. As you learn more about yourself and about autism you will discover which of your personal traits are directly connected to autism and you can then take steps to change them if you wish to. Be kind to yourself and do it slowly and only take on small chunks at a time. You will make mistakes but awareness is the first hurdle. I still struggle to not give the honest answer to 'hi, how are you?' and to ask appropriate questions in a social exchange. But I know to make an effort to do so in a conversation with a person who matters to me and I forgive myself for all of the times I forget. I struggle not to talk endlessly about my special interests but I also know that there are a couple of people in my life who will let me do that and I tell them that I appreciate it. All of us, neurodiverse or neurotypical will learn and grow through our lifetime with plenty of mistakes along the way. That's not to diminish the struggles autistic people have, but to allow for us to be kind to ourselves as we make our way through life.

 

[Major Tom]

Welcome to the forums. I would keep the info about your diagnosis or potential diagnosis as something you only tell as a need to know basis. From my own personal experience, the fewer that know, the better.

 

[Starfire]

There is no right or wrong way to behave. Just behave as you always do and let the professionals do their job. If you try to make yourself act in a certain way that isn’t you, they will pick up on it. If you try to force yourself to fit a stereotype it will seem fake. Just try to relax, and be yourself.

 

[tree]

@Oliver Fur "I feel terrified of talking with anyone out of fear that I’m doing everything wrong and I don’t even realize it."

That is a useful observation and definitely appropriate to say during the diagnostic process.
It is a clearly stated description of your experience.

 

[Fluffy1990]

I went thru a lot in the mental health world. They ignored my autism and adhd insisting I needed and take meds for bipolar. I'm done trusting certain professionals. I don't know how other areas are but during the research and realization period I remember it not being easy for others too. Getting an official secure appropriate diagnosis usually is best found by professionals that are private pay generally. Its only where I got help. The mental health programs would insist on their people and continue to make me feel my autism was too high functioning to bother my daily life...or sonlmething like this. It took a forensic specialist and my mom's information and support to get me an official diagnosis. She also pulled me out of those programs. Luckily I wanted the help more then not. And am here today writing my story in hopes to help others out there too. Keep fighting for your self. Bc some professionals will sway push and pull around the core issues bc they might not understand it enough or are bias or something.