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Crushing on an Aspie

A

AuthorGuy18

New Member
Hey everyone,

To start this off, I am a guy crushing on another guy. I am fairly new here because I never knew much about aspergers until about a week ago. I met an guy who happens to have it, but seems like he's very high functioning. A lot of what I read in this forum doesn't apply to him.

I am trying to figure out what to do about the situation. He's super sweet, cute, and seems into me. Sometimes he'll sit super close to me so our arms touch. He'll compliment me on my looks, my personality, and seems to enjoy my company a lot. He also seems to like hugs from me, which came as a surprise.

I have two questions.

1) Is it possible that he's into me?

2) If he does, since I do too, what is the best way to approach it?
 
ksheehan88 said:
Ask him outright. You'll have your answer as he won't likely mince his words, he will mean what he says.
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I agree with this. Why not just go about the situation in the same way that you would if you fancied an NT? His being on the spectrum shouldn't affect how you go about things.
 
I'm really glad that this is such a friendly forum that people can say they're gay without fearing to be attacked. I have no idea how to ask a girl/boy out, but I wish you luck!
 
xudo said:
I agree with this. Why not just go about the situation in the same way that you would if you fancied an NT? His being on the spectrum shouldn't affect how you go about things.
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The only thing that concerns me is I'm usually a very subtle person. Of course, I usually tell people eventually. Right now I'm getting vibes but am not 100% sure that he feels the same way because I'm not sure if it's just friendliness or him being interested. It's the first time I've ever actually met someone with aspergers so it's all new territory to me. I've been reading as much as I can to try and find out how he may/may not react to things.
 
AuthorGuy18 said:
The only thing that concerns me is I'm usually a very subtle person. Of course, I usually tell people eventually. Right now I'm getting vibes but am not 100% sure that he feels the same way because I'm not sure if it's just friendliness or him being interested. It's the first time I've ever actually met someone with aspergers so it's all new territory to me. I've been reading as much as I can to try and find out how he may/may not react to things.
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Hi AuthorGuy! Well, we're all so different from each other even though we do have similar tendencies (if that makes sense). Does he open up to you when you talk? As in engage you in conversation, seem to want to prolong the interaction, etc? I'm not referring to facilitating the conversation wherein he asks you questions, but does he share his interests and do you guys get along about that?

If it's a yes, then there's a good chance he also likes you. And, it doesn't matter if someone is in the spectrum or is an NT, if they initiate closeness (as in hugging, touching) that at least means they're very fond of you. :D

Perhaps you can wait for the right moment to ask him, but when you do, asking subtly may not be the best idea.

There was this guy who I spent every afternoon with back in high school. He never let me pay for anything, and used his savings to buy me my favorite food and pay for the fare when we commuted home...he even sent me e-mails every day and people told me he liked me. However, he never asked me directly so I never got his cues.

He dropped out of school on our fourth year, to this day, I never knew why. Years later, he posts sends me this e-mail confirming his feelings. By then, it was too late since I was already with someone else and we were already on different paths in life.

Not that that's going to happen to you, but sometimes people on the spectrum won't know until you tell it flat out.
 
AuthorGuy18 said:
seems like he's very high functioning. A lot of what I read in this forum doesn't apply to him.
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Huh. This seems internally inconsistent. A lot of people who post here are high functioning. Asperger's is often regarded/classified as a high functioning form of autism. Seems odd that if he has Asperger's that "a lot" of what you read in the forum doesn't apply to him.

That's not definitive reasoning, but I'd recommend treading carefully until you're sure he's an aspie. It might affect your strategy/approach. Otherwise, I'd be mirroring what the others are saying (actually, I'd just be lurking and clicking agree - I don't like to post more of same).
 
icesyckel said:
Huh. This seems internally inconsistent. A lot of people who post here are high functioning. Asperger's is often regarded/classified as a high functioning form of autism. Seems odd that if he has Asperger's that "a lot" of what you read in the forum doesn't apply to him.

That's not definitive reasoning, but I'd recommend treading carefully until you're sure he's an aspie. It might affect your strategy/approach. Otherwise, I'd be mirroring what the others are saying (actually, I'd just be lurking and clicking agree - I don't like to post more of same).
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Yes, he's definitely high-functioning, but a lot of how he is with me isn't how he is from what I've read on here, which has made me curious. Not to go into too much detail, but I do know he is an aspie and am 100%. For some reason, he's very comfortable with me.

There are some things that still show, like stuttering on his own words, being socially inept with most people, and he's super intelligent (sometimes he says things that just flies right over my head). Part of me thinks it could be just comfortability about me, or I've just always caught him on good days. When we first met, his anxiety was going through the roof, was shaking a lot, walked sort of crouched over and kept his hand on his neck. As we've started talking and hanging out more, he seems to get more and more comfortable.

On that note, for anyone curious, I did actually ask him if he liked me and I admitted I was interested. He told me he's not sure of his feelings yet but feels something and is afraid to ruin the friendship since I'm the first real friend he's had in three years. We're going out on Friday so guess we'll see where that goes. :)
 
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