Crosstown traffic versus closed course racing and zoning out

[Jumpback]

I have this thing that seems kind of strange, where I used to deliver pizzas and I was in my element in a way once I learned the area and traffic cleared out. Like because I mainly worked like from 5-1am, once traffic thinned out I would turn the thing into kind of like a race car rally. I knew which streets were the fastest and I even knew which lines to take going into corners that would shave a few tenths of a seconds off of my time, and I knew where cops were likely to be to catch speeders. I was fast at this and I never got caught speeding. The car I was recently forced to sell is a Honda Prelude with a turbo installed, I had a lot of fun delivering pizzas in this.

But I hate to drive anywhere where I don’t know the area and given time to zone out I often drive by familiar exit ramps that I know that I am supposed to turn on to. And I find driving to unknown areas and especially deadlines to get to a specific location by a specific time to be incredibly stressful. When my girlfriend and I were together, she always drove because I would drive by exit ramps and get too stressed trying to figure out streets in unfamiliar areas

I always use my gps when I am driving very far from home, even when I know where I am going, so I don’t space out or get stressed out about what thing to do next

I’ve never met anyone like me on this. It’s kind of like if I learned a close course race track, I might be a pretty good race car driver, but going to some appointment in an unfamiliar area downtown, I might drive by exits, get incredibly stressed being in the wrong lane to turn onto one way streets, etc.

Just kind of wondering if anyone relates to this

 

[Rasputin]

I have this thing that seems kind of strange, where I used to deliver pizzas and I was in my element in a way once I learned the area and traffic cleared out. Like because I mainly worked like from 5-1am, once traffic thinned out I would turn the thing into kind of like a race car rally. I knew which streets were the fastest and I even knew which lines to take going into corners that would shave a few tenths of a seconds off of my time, and I knew where cops were likely to be to catch speeders. I was fast at this and I never got caught speeding. The car I was recently forced to sell is a Honda Prelude with a turbo installed, I had a lot of fun delivering pizzas in this.

But I hate to drive anywhere where I don’t know the area and given time to zone out I often drive by familiar exit ramps that I know that I am supposed to turn on to. And I find driving to unknown areas and especially deadlines to get to a specific location by a specific time to be incredibly stressful. When my girlfriend and I were together, she always drove because I would drive by exit ramps and get too stressed trying to figure out streets in unfamiliar areas

I always use my gps when I am driving very far from home, even when I know where I am going, so I don’t space out or get stressed out about what thing to do next

I’ve never met anyone like me on this. It’s kind of like if I learned a close course race track, I might be a pretty good race car driver, but going to some appointment in an unfamiliar area downtown, I might drive by exits, get incredibly stressed being in the wrong lane to turn onto one way streets, etc.

Just kind of wondering if anyone relates to this

I can kind of relate to this. A few years ago a co-worker and I had to learn to write VB Script to build input files used to reorganize bulk quantities of data. My co-worker never got the hang of it, but with practice I became very proficient . With two weeks left in the project, we were six months behind schedule. So I worked 22 hrs straight two days in a row one weekend, and then did the same the following weekend executing scripts non-stop. I was in a zone as a result of repetition, and my actions resulted in our completing the project two days early.

I think by learning the area completely and repeatedly practicing you became extremely focused and proficient in selecting the fastest route.

I am in a similar situation now where I am rewriting all stored procedures, without a lot of prior experience. So far it is going okay, but I don't have a lot of confidence. I am trying to take it one day at a time until I feel like I know what I am doing.

 

[George Newman]

I relate.

 

[Jumpback]

I can kind of relate to this. A few years ago a co-worker and I had to learn to write VB Script to build input files used to reorganize bulk quantities of data. My co-worker never got the hang of it, but with practice I became very proficient . With two weeks left in the project, we were six months behind schedule. So I worked 22 hrs straight two days in a row one weekend, and then did the same the following weekend executing scripts non-stop. I was in a zone as a result of repetition, and my actions resulted in our completing the project two days early.

I think by learning the area completely and repeatedly practicing you became extremely focused and proficient in selecting the fastest route.

I am in a similar situation now where I am rewriting all stored procedures, without a lot of prior experience. So far it is going okay, but I don't have a lot of confidence. I am trying to take it one day at a time until I feel like I know what I am doing.

Yeah, it’s like if I am in the zone and focused on things and know what I am doing and know what to do, I am good. But if I get outside of my comfort zone with things that I am unfamiliar with or uncomfortable with or I doubt myself about or I just lose focus, I can become a complete disaster fast.

I appreciate that you recognized the relationship between coding and driving. It really is just everything with me in a way, like in surfing terms, if I catch my wave, I am in the moment and focused and extremely capable, but I don’t work right if I lose this this clear headed thing

 

[Rasputin]

Yeah, it’s like if I am in the zone and focused on things and know what I am doing and know what to do, I am good. But if I get outside of my comfort zone with things that I am unfamiliar with or uncomfortable with or I doubt myself about or I just lose focus, I can become a complete disaster fast.

I appreciate that you recognized the relationship between coding and driving. It really is just everything with me in a way, like in surfing terms, if I catch my wave, I am in the moment and focused and extremely capable, but I don’t work right if I lose this this clear headed thing

So what I have tried to do in the later stages of my career is to not let anxiety cause me to panic. Take a break, and learn to appreciate small successes and build upon it. Most of the panic is due to a flawed perception that you can't succeed.

 

[Jumpback]

So what I have tried to do in the later stages of my career is to not let anxiety cause me to panic. Take a break, and learn to appreciate small successes and build upon it. Most of the panic is due to a flawed perception that you can't succeed.

As just a general thing, it seems like most people have generally pretty even levels of things they are good at and things they are bad at. Like keeping an organized living space and accomplishing daily tasks and math and history and maintaining friendships and thinking for oneself or racing car driving versus dealing with city traffic are things that most people aren't particularly bad or good at. But with me things are all over the place. Like some things that are supposed to be hard aren't particularly difficult for me and some things that are supposed to be easy are a real challenge for me.

It's gotten me and others confused and I have been avoiding all the things that I am bad at and they have piled up

I'm certain that your advice is wise, it's just weird being a bit different. Like most 200 lb guys can bench press 140 lbs and squat 225 lbs where it's like I can bench press 250 lbs but only squat 110 lbs.

 

[Rasputin]

As just a general thing, it seems like most people have generally pretty even levels of things they are good at and things they are bad at. Like keeping an organized living space and accomplishing daily tasks and math and history and maintaining friendships and thinking for oneself or racing car driving versus dealing with city traffic are things that most people aren't particularly bad or good at. But with me things are all over the place. Like some things that are supposed to be hard aren't particularly difficult for me and some things that are supposed to be easy are a real challenge for me.

It's gotten me and others confused and I have been avoiding all the things that I am bad at and they have piled up

I'm certain that your advice is wise, it's just weird being a bit different. Like most 200 lb guys can bench press 140 lbs and squat 225 lbs where it's like I can bench press 250 lbs but only squat 110 lbs.

Most guys I know can not bench press 250 lbs. There are things I can not do like typing. I have Ambliopia, poor hand eye coordination, and could not learn to type or take notes in school. However I have a great memory and can remember any thing I read or hear. So I did not take notes in classes, and I type with two fingers. I am self conscious because I am 61 and lack these basic skills.

 

[Jumpback]

Most guys I know can not bench press 250 lbs. There are things I can not do like typing. I have Ambliopia, poor hand eye coordination, and could not learn to type or take notes in school. However I have a great memory and can remember any thing I read or hear. So I did not take notes in classes, and I type with two fingers. I am self conscious because I am 61 and lack these basic skills.

That’s amazing about your memory, I couldn’t manage to pay attention in lectures and would have to learn on my own later.

I keep wondering if I really have this because I don’t have issues with like coordination. But I have such unusual tendencies and I relate to people on here, so it almost has to be this

 

[Rasputin]

That’s amazing about your memory, I couldn’t manage to pay attention in lectures and would have to learn on my own later.

I keep wondering if I really have this because I don’t have issues with like coordination. But I have such unusual tendencies and I relate to people on here, so it almost has to be this

We are all different. You really can not assess yourself accurately by comparing to other members.

 

[Jumpback]

We are all different. You really can not assess yourself accurately by comparing to other members.

But, see, the weird thing is that I really believe that as bad as I am at certain things, I think that I am better at figuring certain things out than other people. Like I saw how the British history museum was displaying this 1st century cup, and it was pretty obvious to me that they were completely misinterpreting the Hellenistic (Greek) influences in ancient Judea (largely now Israel) and that they had made a mistake. My ex-girlfriends grandfather was sort of a child prodigy who was recruited for the NSA and knew the guy who invented the computer mouse and he had been active in the Harvard alumi association, and I did not feel uncomfortable talking to him if things were in something I was good at. He apologized to me about this one thing because he didn't realize that despite appearances, he had misjudged things and I was over his head on this one thing and he hadn't realized.

I am dying right now to get a look at brain scans of high functioning autistics and research studies so I can pour through things and kind of figure all this out. I know that it sounds delusional and as evidence of multiple things wrong with me to think that I can kind of get interested and very quickly jump over other people's heads, but the thing is that I really seem to be able to do this

Like what I do in my head is kind of like I establish important dates about things, like the civil war and first works war and second world war and date of the summer of love, then Insert more and more information about the history of watches and photography and cinema and art and photography and propaganda and advertising and the history of car manufacture and ideas about a central bank managing in the economy and on and on.

But when I go to psychs I seem pretty normal and I have sexual assault issues committed by gays, so things become like whether I have sexual assault trauma or a bunch of disorders or maybe I have repressed homosexuality and hate gays. I actually can never get past this. It's the most idiotic thing imaginable. Like I don't have severe trauma or repressed homosexuality and I don't hate gays, I have this completely separate thing that I can never discuss because every one is so caught up in my sexual assault history. I mean, I had to try for years to figure out how to just be given an ADHD test to get past this because of all the assumptions that I either had sexual assault trama or that I hated gays, because in lower systems you get assigned things like psychiatric nurses who don't have the confidence of full psychiatrists and are more afraid of the consequences of questioning earlier diagnoses

Anyway, the thing you did with being on that panel for your work is really a positive thing. And it's helpful that a PhD is on here discussing things with us commoners ;0)

 

[Jumpback]

Or like , say, as another example, I grasp the prime minister of Israel, Benjamin Netanyayua's position somewhat clearly, related to oil and regional ambitions and lobbying influence in various countries and pretty much everything combined together. Like I would not feel particularly uncomfortable having a discussion with him about all the external forces involved in the Syrian civil war and even about what he has to deal with as far as internal politics, especially among liberal Israelis and Ultraorthodox Jews fighting for exemption from military service and so on.

I mean I am just weird, I am not Jewish, I do not have a history or political science degree, I don't seem to be particularly unusual, I almost can't even manage to take care of myself, but then sometimes I can very quickly jump to high level understandings about things in a way that few others can

Anyway, whatever you are doing to make things more visible, it is good.

 

[Jumpback]

Most guys I know can not bench press 250 lbs. There are things I can not do like typing. I have Ambliopia, poor hand eye coordination, and could not learn to type or take notes in school. However I have a great memory and can remember any thing I read or hear. So I did not take notes in classes, and I type with two fingers. I am self conscious because I am 61 and lack these basic skills.

You mentioned about not needing to take notes in class and I think about finding math pretty easy. It has kind of long been known that people with abilities in the direction of autistic savants are sort of a key to unlocking true understandings about how the brain works, but also about things like artificial intelligence

Like I have this bizarre inclination to go through all the existing research studies and rethink accepted conclusions about fMRI studies and scan everyone's brains that are on this site ;0) and kind of just figure all this out. But the bizarre thing is that I am actually good at these sorts of things and I might actually have some breakthrough idea.

But then organizing this mess here is so hard for me that I doubt that I can do it. It's like has to be autism, because it just doesn't fit anywhere else.

 

[Rasputin]

But, see, the weird thing is that I really believe that as bad as I am at certain things, I think that I am better at figuring certain things out than other people. Like I saw how the British history museum was displaying this 1st century cup, and it was pretty obvious to me that they were completely misinterpreting the Hellenistic (Greek) influences in ancient Judea (largely now Israel) and that they had made a mistake. My ex-girlfriends grandfather was sort of a child prodigy who was recruited for the NSA and knew the guy who invented the computer mouse and he had been active in the Harvard alumi association, and I did not feel uncomfortable talking to him if things were in something I was good at. He apologized to me about this one thing because he didn't realize that despite appearances, he had misjudged things and I was over his head on this one thing and he hadn't realized.

I am dying right now to get a look at brain scans of high functioning autistics and research studies so I can pour through things and kind of figure all this out. I know that it sounds delusional and as evidence of multiple things wrong with me to think that I can kind of get interested and very quickly jump over other people's heads, but the thing is that I really seem to be able to do this

Like what I do in my head is kind of like I establish important dates about things, like the civil war and first works war and second world war and date of the summer of love, then Insert more and more information about the history of watches and photography and cinema and art and photography and propaganda and advertising and the history of car manufacture and ideas about a central bank managing in the economy and on and on.

But when I go to psychs I seem pretty normal and I have sexual assault issues committed by gays, so things become like whether I have sexual assault trauma or a bunch of disorders or maybe I have repressed homosexuality and hate gays. I actually can never get past this. It's the most idiotic thing imaginable. Like I don't have severe trauma or repressed homosexuality and I don't hate gays, I have this completely separate thing that I can never discuss because every one is so caught up in my sexual assault history. I mean, I had to try for years to figure out how to just be given an ADHD test to get past this because of all the assumptions that I either had sexual assault trama or that I hated gays, because in lower systems you get assigned things like psychiatric nurses who don't have the confidence of full psychiatrists and are more afraid of the consequences of questioning earlier diagnoses

Anyway, the thing you did with being on that panel for your work is really a positive thing. And it's helpful that a PhD is on here discussing things with us commoners ;0)

I actually do not think you are weird, and you should put the gay trauma incident out of your mind. Now you may need to work through it in your own mind to resolve rhings. Just don't bring it up with psychs. Make them assess any issues you have.

I saw a psychologist before being referred to a psychiatrist. The psychologist could not make any conclusions, and just said I was "a tough nut to crack". I wasn't trying to stump her; she just didn't know. The psychiatrist established that my issues were present at an young age and existed throuhhout my life.

 

[Jumpback]

I actually do not think you are weird, and you should put the gay trauma incident out of your mind. Now you may need to work through it in your own mind to resolve rhings. Just don't bring it up with psychs. Make them assess any issues you have.

I saw a psychologist before being referred to a psychiatrist. The psychologist could not make any conclusions, and just said I was "a tough nut to crack". I wasn't trying to stump her; she just didn't know. The psychiatrist established that my issues were present at an young age and existed throuhhout my life.

Thanks.

I feel like apologizing for exaggerating somewhat about my comfort level about talking to Netanyahu, just was kind of exaggerating to try to explain

I guess you must see the difficulties with not fitting the stereotype and having uncomfortable sounding complicating factors when trying to explain to get diagnosed. I mean you fit what people expect someone with Aspergers somewhat well: good at math things, good at computer things. And even you somehow managed to stump the psychologist.

A thing might be that even though the psych field is a specialty field, the brain is so much more complicated than other things. Like a podiatrist is incredibly specialized in understanding something that is really simple compared to the brain.