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Featured coping with anxiety

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by kay, Nov 8, 2017.

  1. kay

    kay Well-Known Member

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    I have been thinking a lot about why therapy hasn't been much help to me. Every time I try therapy I get the same suggestions, generally vague and lots of CBT. The usual body relaxation and breathing techniques. None of it has worked at all, though the Prozac makes some difference.

    Today, actually right now, I am dealing with a phone call to Bank of America trying to get them to understand that my aunt has died (they have been sent 4 copies of the death certificate so far) and did not request a home loan. Staying calm in such situations has been pretty much impossible for me in the past but I am determined to learn to be a calmer person. Right now I am sweaty but have not freaked out and yelled or hung up. Not even with the automated voice person. I'm crediting singing the song Hurt by Nine Inch Nails, (covered beautifully by Johnny Cash), before I made the phone call. I am continuing to sing it as needed in a barely audible way while on hold. No, of course no therapist ever suggested singing a slow, sad song to calm me but it seems to have helped. So that leads me to the idea of chanting but all I find online is stuff about new age type mantras and stuff. Anyhoo, sorry to ramble, but I was wondering if this sort of thing works for anyone else? has a therapist ever suggested it to you? know of anything else similar?

    The other new technique I am working on is turning things into sort of a game. A self dare. Call BOA and see how long I can take it. That bank is by far the worst with customer service and not freaking out is a real challenge to pretty much anyone.

    Curious about other unusual calming techniques that work. What are you guys figuring out on your own or have you found therapist with odd suggestions? Does therapy not work well just because it doesn't work well or is it because it's developed for NTs?
     
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  2. Fridgemagnetman

    Fridgemagnetman I only have one V.I.P Member

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    My audience will be expecting me to say a particular word.....

    Its somethings ive struggled with. Last couple of years there has been lots of phone calls to credit card companies etc etc.

    For me, it was having a similar goal in mind to you ie being nice to people on the phone.
    Forgiving myself when it didnt work, although i still tend to admonish myself (if you allow it, it dissipates quicker)

    So my answer was kind of rehearsing, ie what would likely happen, but on hold forever etcetc
    Deep breaths,being calm,

    I got better - fortunately or unfortunately had lots of practice.

    I think once you identify what the problem is - its my problem.
    What outcome you want - not be such an idiot on the phone.

    It gets easier.

    Each time i lost it, i tried to figure out what it was, then think my way around it for the next call.

    But your situation sounds like a nightmare. Comical.

    Just use your own mantra.

    When i used to run it was always 'keep it slow' the joke being i was always slow.
    Just say (oranges! ) keepit cool and do deep breathing, the outbreath twice as long as the inbreath.

    If you pass out,it may mean i got the order wrong.... but at least you'll be relaxed:)
     
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  3. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Reminds me of when my mother died and how fast her bank attempted to shut me out completely. Until I was able to legally prove I am who I am, and that I was the trustee of her trust, already named on her checks and that my attorney was ready to take immediate action if the bank further attempted to cut me off from her funds. Apart from providing them with a certified copy of my mother's death certificate. :rolleyes:

    When it comes to anxiety, I took a beta-blocker called Thioridizine for a number of years. It helped for a while, though it also took its toll in numbing me to pretty much everything. I wanted my life and identity back, and could only do so having gone off this medication once and for all many years ago. Though several years later I discovered it had been taken off the market because of hazardous side effects!

    Looking back on my life, the only real way I have been able to relieve such stress is to "get over the hump". To get past whatever the problem is, or at least to a point where there is "light at the end of the tunnel". In other words, stick to whatever it is you are trying to do and persevere.
     
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  4. pjcnet

    pjcnet Well-Known Member

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    Years ago when you phoned customer services, E.g. in the late 1970s, you normally either got an engaged signal or it would ring and a real person would answer. Now you nearly always get recorded messages followed by options and the system often tries absolutely everything to prevent you from actually speaking to a real person. It's even more infuriating when they use awful voice recognition software that many have started implementing since it simply doesn't work and all too often makes mistakes. All this when 99% of people calling just want to talk to a real person. If you do manage to get put through to a real person there's often a long queue listening to naff music that is constantly interrupted by the the same useless recorded messages over and over, E.g. "why not use our website..." Etc. Etc. Even when a real person finally does answer they're often really unhelpful and/or struggle to understand English because they're from a call centre that is based in a 3rd world country where labour is very cheap and/or they will fob you off to another department where you have to wait in a queue yet again. At worst you can even get past around departments to eventually end up where you started again, still with no-one wanting to help. What's more is when you call back the next operator often hasn't got a clue about the previous conversations and even if you know the previous operator's name it's very rare to be-able to talk to them ever again to follow anything through and the amount of times I've been told that they will call me back and they don't, agghh! Yes it is often very infuriating and it can make my blood boil too.

    How to deal with it, well one selfish way is to get someone else to make the call lol! Otherwise I often find it better and more productive to write to customer services instead as you get the chance to take your time making sure you've said everything you need to say, although I understand that sometimes you don't want to wait for a response.

    To relieve general anxiety and depression it helps to simply do things that take your mind off it, if you can participate in interests or even new interests it can help. Exercise can help too, E.g. swimming, but sometimes even just taking a walk while purposely observing everything around can help clear your head. It's interesting that you talk about chanting as certain chants have got actual scientific theories behind them, E.g. Buddhist chants, as they actually resonate certain frequencies that can synchronise with brainwaves that cause different states of mind (it is harmless and people have been doing it for centuries). Certain chants can for instance make you feel more relaxed and learning about all this is also involving you with an interest that will also help you take your mind off things.

    I am generally against antidepressants and antipsychotics and I believe that far too many medical professionals prescribe them as a quick fix. You may say that Prozac helps, but in my opinion it doesn't actually resolve anything and it doesn't normally help in the long term. If you did come off however don't do it suddenly.
     
    Last edited: Nov 8, 2017
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  5. Beguiling Orbit

    Beguiling Orbit Neurotribe Champion V.I.P Member

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    Ever looked into ANT therapy? It's easy to learn and you can do it yourself.
     
  6. OkRad

    OkRad Well-Known Member

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    My geneticists said psychology did not work on me because it is not psychologcal, but genetic, and that changed things. I now do things to help the bRAIN, not mindless psychological stuff.

    I take CBD oil, and Fish oil, and other things.s......no more psych
     
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  7. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    There might be one other option (if your within close proximity)?
    Go down to the bank with all your paperwork (certified copy of death cert etc.)...
    Ask to speak with no one less than the Vice President. No, isn't an answer that is acceptable, and they need to know that upfront.

    Tell VP, President, or highest official in that office, what you need. Let them KNOW the only reason you insisted to speak with them is because there seems to be no one there with enough common sense to handle this simple task...

    I usually never mess with this very long. I just go straight to the big guys and suddenly its fixed and I'm back onto the next task.

    Oh and if you get the chance while your there close ALL your aunts old accounts, and move everything to a bank that has a soul, and some interest in their customer base... I probably shouldn't have said that, but I did.

    As for what calms me down... Getting the problem handled is what calms me down (on a business situation).

    I might be an immature wimp in emotional situations, but I'm a freaking little monster in business dealings. I fear no one, when I don't have to worry over emotions. As for a place like BOA, I have no feelings for them... NONE.

    So in all truth I guess people are right when they say ASD people can be heartless and rude, but I am only that way after being really patient, and I will leave there with my business finished, or I won't leave at all.

    Confession... This has to be early day event. I cant do it late day. I lose to much steam and I cant think fast enough, and I can get myself in a mess (and have before)... : )

    Good luck to you... You are messing with snakes. I guess its obvious I do not care for BOA... Sorry, but they shouldn't suck so bad and people wouldn't dislike them some much...
     
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  8. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    Music is my anxiety therapy.
    If I am at home and start feeling anxiety I will lie down and put that heavenly, artful, stress reduction music on like on You Tube or my on demand channel I have with the cable company I use. It really works. Sometime too well and I fall asleep. A peaceful sleep that feels so good I don't want to get up and face the other things I need to be doing.

    I don't believe in use of antipsychotics or antidepressants
    either. Unless you find one that really works. I never did and I've tried every type. And yes the side effects can be a nightmare.

    Business affairs and dealing with greedy non-caring professionals doesn't make me anxious. It gets my motor running because I see it as an act of aggression against me and then it becomes a challenge to win.
    My over active mind can be put to use to outwit those types and I usually come out the winner.
    I can headgame you to death and will dig in with every legal action to get the job done. That gives a feeling of satisfaction. ;)
     
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  9. Gritches

    Gritches Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Anxiety has been and continues to be the most difficult issue I deal with. Probably the most helpful thing I've found is limiting caffeine intake, I was kicking myself in the shins with the 10 Red Bulls a day to keep pushing ahead.

    But I find your suggestion of turning it into a game to be an interesting prospect. In theory it should work, as it would reduce cognitive dissonance by adjusting your expectations. I'm going to try it, thanks, sorry I don't really have anything much for you on the subject.
     
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  10. OkRad

    OkRad Well-Known Member

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    Chance said, "I usually never mess with this very long. I just go straight to the big guys and suddenly its fixed and I'm back onto the next task. "

    TRUE TRUE TRUE!! Big Time Truth Alert there. My uncle who is Aspie once told me Always ask for the person over the one that is causing trouble. You may live in an area where that can backfire. If it's a small town and little oversite, forget it and move on. I have had that happen in small little places where I learned to just suck it up and move on as the Army says. But usually there are people over people. And depending on how much help you need. Once our family was in a bind and we had to go to our Senator. PROBLEM SOLVED.
     
  11. kay

    kay Well-Known Member

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    I tried CBD oil but got nothing from it. Might have been the wrong kind.
    With BOA there is no go talk to the local people. There is a building but they won't help with much. All my aunt's accounts were suppose to have been closed and I moved the money to a bank with humans. However, after being sent 4 copies of the death certificate BOA still sends her mail saying that her home loan request is being reviewed.

    But it has given me the chance to practice all sorts of calming ideas and I seem to be getting to the point of not being so upset over it all. And so now something has popped up unrelated to my aunt's estate to steal all my spoons. Just when things were calming down around here. I'm convinced the Universe has a personality and doesn't like me at all.
     
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  12. Chance

    Chance "all who wander are not lost" - Tolkien V.I.P Member

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    Holy cow... 1 Red Bull makes me shake uncontrollably. I am terrified of them because I thought my heart was gonna blow out of my chest... I started sweating like I just finished a triathlon... I'm sure they are okay for some people, buy not me. We still have people here (where I live) who are doing the red bull and vodka shots... I worry someone is gonna not make it through one of these nights...
     
  13. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    Actually to me what you are experiencing is that nothing about B of A has changed in decades. :rolleyes:

    Though what you may be experiencing isn't stupidity, but rather a routine effort to retain your aunt's funds as long as possible. So by the time they acknowledge her death certificate as just that, they will have accrued that much more money.

    Sound sinister? Well, at least your aunt didn't have money in Wells Fargo. :eek:
     
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  14. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Probably not sensitive to caffeine red bull is full of caffeine
     
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  15. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Do you ever take multivitamins Redbull has taurine caffeine and B vitamins caffeine and B vitamins are going to make your heart work quickly avoid it if you are stressed too much, you really only need it if you are lacking energy ,not if you have too much ,i'm saying this in case you're tired the next time and forget
     
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  16. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    I wouldn't dream of ingesting those kind of stimulants. Tea, chocolate and coffee. That's about as much as I can handle without getting wound up and stressed out, on top of whatever anxiety I may have at the time.
     
  17. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    @Judge

    You're ahead of me on the "stimulant" front.
    I am allergic to caffeine, so I don't do coffee,
    tea, or chocolate. Any of those give me hives.

    No cola beverages. Even decaf has given me
    hives.

    So.....I'm lucky, I guess.
    No inclination to overdo that way.
     
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  18. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Do you know if the money can be frozen ,does someone's finances go through probate like in the UK ,I don't know about you The US
     
  19. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member

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    I've always paid a high price ingesting soft drinks like Coke or Mountain Dew with obscene amounts of caffeine. Yeah- sometimes I think I'm just plain allergic to caffeine. And the headaches they can give me in withdrawal...oh my. Worse than any hangover as it can last for days. :eek:

    While I enjoy a good cup of coffee, I rarely drink it other than as an after dinner drink. Black teas are about as far as I can go, usually drinking them hot during the fall and winter.
     
    Last edited: Nov 9, 2017
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  20. Streetwise

    Streetwise Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Do your black teas have caffeine in them our Black tea has caffeine in it