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Coping with abandonment

I think I'm having a meltdown. I've been living the same routine with a friend for years now, I like our the arrangement and up until last year everything started to change. We grew apart and now he just recently said to me that it's over and I'll be sure to find another friend (replacement) if I get out there more. I know the transition to adulthood is partially responsible for it but it still its a hard pill to swallow.

I've had several girlfriends in the past but I'm surprisingly more affected by the loss of my friend than a girl breaking up with me. It's something that I can't understand but my emotions are running high and it just killed my will to do anything anymore...nothing is fun now. I dont know if I have Borderline Personality Disorder but I am I have Asperger's.

Any tips on coping. It feels daunting that I have to change so much in my life the same time I transition to everything related to adulthood. Coping with my job and work mates is hard enough but now I feel that my rock is gone and I'm all alone. ME and my brother are really close that I treat him as a friend but I still feel alone. I never been told, a straight up were finished, sever ties break up as all my previous breakups were rather clear and nice. But having a friend deal more emotional damage than I could ever suspect well it's crippling me to the point that I'm missing work. Reading the messages back fills me with rage and the same time tears, there is so much that I want to say to him, things I want to get off my chest...but at the same time a part of me really knew that this was part of life and was gonna happen.

I just want to prepare myself in the future, I don't want to feel this anymore.Any help you may give is greatly appreciated.
 
Breakups with girls are usually at least mostly mutual, i.e. you're both pretty much in the same place, it's whoever decides to cut the tie. With this one, your attachment was still there when he cut the tie. That's why it hurts more.

As for what to do? Treat it like a breakup, like you just got dumped, because that's essentially what happened. Realize that the feelings will pass, but don't be afraid to identify them and ask yourself why you're feeling the way you are.

The last time a similar thing happened to me, I just let it destroy me. I laid in bed all day long for months, just thinking about it, thinking where things went wrong, thinking myself deeper and deeper into a hole. Thinking will fail you in this instance. You can't think your way out of this one. You have to feel your way out.
 
We grew apart and now he just recently said to me that it's over and I'll be sure to find another friend (replacement) if I get out there more.

I know the transition to adulthood is partially responsible for it but it still its a hard pill to swallow.

...but at the same time a part of me really knew that this was part of life and was gonna happen.

Clearly you're on the right track in terms of understanding what this is all about.

And yes, it's a tough pill to swallow, but you'll get through it.
 
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Yes this is a very difficult experience it's like a bereavement and I think it's good you are letting yourself feel your feelings and I agree with Gritches that overthinking isn't helpful. Endings of this kind make me very sad too, and its hard to cope. Make sure you get help and support from others you trust it's good you have a strong bond with your brother. He is there for you in the background as you deal with this distressing change. You could maybe talk to someone like your brother or a counsellor about your feelings and tell them all of what you wish you could say to the friend who has distanced himself?
 
I had something like that happen to me. I had a best friend for 8 years or so who drifted when he got married and later found out he actually had greatly disliked me for 4 of those 8 years. We no longer talk. It was one of the hardest things I had to go through.

I assume it's similar to death. After a long depression it finally hit me that there wasn't much I could do but keep going on with my life and that I didn't need said friend in my life. I still haven't found a new friend to "replace" him. Life is still painful. I still feel alone but...I got through it.

I hope you can get through it too. I feel for you. <3
 
ALL of my adult friends eventually just drifted away. Including my most recent one who I have known for almost two decades.

Probably the first thing that comes to mind with the saying, "sh*t happens".
 
I've dealt with it with my college class. We were close for the 2 yrs. of college but in the 12 yrs. since we've all mainly lost touch with 1 another. I'm still pretty close to 1 of my college classmates but the class mostly drifted apart. Part of life, I guess.
 

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