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Conversation facts

Alan tm

Well-Known Member
i often find myself talking about facts or history.
Then notice that this isn’t really a conversation.
The other person is just listening to a historical repeat.
I realise it’s a bit odd for them but I can’t really just stop before I’ve completed the section.
To me it’s sharing a bit of linked information to a topic.
But I do notice they don’t really want to know .

I’d want to know the extra information. I’ll talk on quiet a few subjects so I can’t really see it as boring
 
This used to happen to me a lot. I would go out on a job and when I was done, I would go to the office to get my paperwork signed. Someone would always ask "What did you do to fix it?" or "What was wrong with it?". So I would explain what was wrong and what I did to fix it. Until I noticed that they did not have any idea what I was talking about and were looking uncomfortable. So I would stop. Jeez, if they did not want to know, why did they ask?
 
It is very frustating to me, that people do not want to know the facts and have to force myself to back off.
 
It’s like the basic ... how are you ... question.

I think I’ll just give up taking to people
 
This used to happen to me a lot. I would go out on a job and when I was done, I would go to the office to get my paperwork signed. Someone would always ask "What did you do to fix it?" or "What was wrong with it?". So I would explain what was wrong and what I did to fix it. Until I noticed that they did not have any idea what I was talking about and were looking uncomfortable. So I would stop. Jeez, if they did not want to know, why did they ask?

‘I squirted it with mend juice’

Risk of being misheard too high.

‘Magic fixy juice ‘ may help you fit in better.
 
I find it useful to ask myself what the purpose is of a conversation. If they need the information I have -- and they asked for it -- then I let the facts flow. If it's a relationship building type of conversation, then I'd better let them talk at least half the time.

If I think they need the facts I have to offer but they didnt ask for this information, I tend to keep my mouth shut these days. I have found from painful experience that people are usually not interested in unsolicited facts.
 
It’s like the basic ... how are you ... question.

I think I’ll just give up taking to people


:D. ... I do.
I just want to rest my brain when I don't talk.


Sometimes (not always) the last option is the one in the questioners mind.

"Shall we go shopping now or leave it til later?" ( We'll go shopping later)

"How you doing, you okay?" ( They want to hear three words, "yeah, OKAY thanks" and not the story about your therapist or your diagnosis)

"How are you feeling?" (The word "feeling" indicates emotion. They will listen to emotional stuff if you want to get something off your chest, they're expecting it and will empathise, or sympathise.
 
Well... For you to fully understand what I'm talking about, you just need details and they are interesting anyway, so no problem with this. I will talk at you and you'll listen and then you'll understand...

Just, people don't like the details. They get bored by them. They don't want to fully understand.

But, ugh, just let me finish..?

----

And that's why I stopped talking about some things. Oh well?
 
My problem is that I want to tell every detail of the story so that the listener has the exact same experience that I had. It turns out they don't want that. I've had so many people walk away in the middle of a story or interject, "Just get to the point!"
I've learned to trim excess details out as much as possible. Two or three sentences seems to be ideal.

What works even better for me is to start with the ending. Instead of telling the whole story, I can start with, "Yeah, our car overheated in Death Valley once." If they are interested, they'll ask for more details (and I still have to struggle to keep it short). If they aren't, that's fine with me - I just let the conversation go on. The more I let it go, the less I stick my foot in my mouth.
 
‘I squirted it with mend juice’

Risk of being misheard too high.

‘Magic fixy juice ‘ may help you fit in better.

You are right, absolutely right. It just seems like a shame that I have to dumb it down for the average person. Oh well, they probably know a lot about something that I do not. Right?
 
I get so much anxiety over these scenarios I have to watch my volume so I don't get too loud or too quiet, enunciate, etc because it's such a hassle parsing what the heck people really want instead of an accurate answer. I'm sure eye contact is all but forgotten.

I split my answer into basic, moderately detailed, and elaborate-with-supporting-speculations and start with the first, keeping the others in reserve in case they press for more. It's exhausting.
 
Someone would always ask "What did you do to fix it?" or "What was wrong with it?". So I would explain what was wrong and what I did to fix it. Until I noticed that they did not have any idea what I was talking about and were looking uncomfortable. So I would stop. Jeez, if they did not want to know, why did they ask?
When my wife asks this kind of question, I will ask her, "Do you want the long answer or the short answer?"
 
the i'm forced to listen to 'social' conversation, i tend to switch to more interesting thoughts in my head, i passively listen to the conversation, if i hear something i'm interested in (even if it's not in line with where the conversation is going), i but in, take over the conversation, go off on my tangent, continue till i'm 'done' and then am welcomed to an awkward silence,

it's their fault, they just shouldn't be so boring :)
 
i often find myself talking about facts or history.
Then notice that this isn’t really a conversation.
The other person is just listening to a historical repeat.
I realise it’s a bit odd for them but I can’t really just stop before I’ve completed the section.
To me it’s sharing a bit of linked information to a topic.
But I do notice they don’t really want to know .

I’d want to know the extra information. I’ll talk on quiet a few subjects so I can’t really see it as boring
That sounds normal to me, because you know, that's like everybody on this forum probably.
 
I also get this all the time, I often feel the urge to add extra information and people I know moan about it, while some probably just moan behind my back, I can't understand why some people don't want to know such information however and it kills me sometimes to stop.
 
I do the exact same thing...sometimes they eventually stop me, other times they make excuses to walk away. If they stop me, I've been known to continue on the next chance I get. If they walk away, sometimes I will follow. I just can't help myself. Until my thought or idea is finished, then neither am I.
 
It tends to become a monologue, and not an actual give and take conversation. It is not normally interesting to the other party and will likely kill the conversation, if it goes on too long. So its best to stop/drop the subject you have begun lecturing about and maybe apologize and try and resume normal conversation as soon as you notice it. If.... against all odds the person says 'Oh no, I am fascinated by Bavarian wood carving, tell me more!" Then, and only then should you proceed.
 

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