Confessions from the Spectrum

[Darkkin]

Post deemed pathological. Censored.

 

[Wolfnox]

Alike we are in this.

 

[Luca]

I'm like that too.
And as much as I love each and every one of my dogs, whining drives me nuts too lol.

 

[Atrapa Almas]

One very human feature is to be more kind and patient with those who are like us.

So you probably are way more patient with mistakes or fails that you do. As you learned to be kind with yourself with those problems you have, you will be also kind with those who also have those same problems.

In the same way we tend to judge others hardly on things we do very well, because we put the "normality" level at our own level which is high, and thus most of people who dont share our strengths seems like they are doing very poorly in comparison.

So sporty people tend to look bad to fattys.
Social people tend to look bad to shy ones.
Scientific people tend to look bad to non scientific.
Models tend to look bad to people who doesnt care of their appearance.
...

Such a lovely society we are.

 

[Taylor Baker]

A long long time ago when I was very little, I was taking karate classes. My mouthguard that I had to wear was brothering the living heck out of me. It was crumbling apart and leaving a bad taste in my mouth.

I spat in the classroom.

The teacher was furious.

I've been haunted ever since.

 

[Forest Cat]

Fun word of the day: Malinger. That yields some very intersting search results.

Malinger means "paint, different types of paint" here. So I get more colorful search results. Language is fun.

 

[Luca]

Hmm...Well, that was I think the term is 'dumpster fire'. I have the most reprehensible desire to laugh, but it is the exact, wrong reaction. I am a truly dreadful creature.

"Dumpster fire" is a term I have used a lot on here too lol.
I'm also a dreadful creature who laughs at horrible things.

 

[Slim Jim]

"Dumpster fire" is a term I have used a lot on here too lol.
I'm also a dreadful creature who laughs at horrible things.

I've never used the term "Dumpster fire" in my life. But I do have a dark sense of humour.

Paula Zahn. Shes long time American tv host? Yeah a blonde. Good looking. That why I probably remember her name. I've seen some of her stuff. I'm English, but an avid consumer of American Cultural Media. I woudl say she's virtually unknown over here.

 

[Forest Cat]

Something I was not truly terrible at as a kid...watercolours. Picked up a simple set and some paper to see if anything comes of it. I have a few ideas I want to try.

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Have you tried marbling? Color on water. I discovered that years ago and it made normal painting seem boring. It's so special because it's not a static picture, so fluid. Very different from regular canvas. I think it's great. And it's very relaxing to work with in a way. Like meditation.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I read that about 80% of the average person's daily thoughts are negative. That must mean I'm above average because for me it must be at least 95%.

 

[GrownupGirl]

I kill threads. And sometimes I also bring them back as thread zombies.

 

[Orange Glasses]

I very much enjoy reading your posts Darkkin.

You are a gifted writer that is kind enough to take us along on your journey. Thank you.

With regards to your wining Greyhound, I have had six and often the wining is a result of a previous track injury. We adopted a female who we named Pixie eight months ago and she was a complete train wreck, both physically and mentally. It was a lot of work, but she is now calming down, accepting my love, and becoming a cherished family member. Her previous injuries (broken bones, etc) are readily apparent and am treating her with the occasional Rimadyl, but am mostly using pharmaceutical grade CBD oil. The CBD oil has been a godsend and truly improved the quality of life not only in Pixie, but in past Greyhounds as well.

Here is a link to the CBD oil I use. I only use .01 ML per dose and it makes a huge difference in how my injured or senior dogs feel.

Haleigh’s Hope® 15:1 - Regular & Extra Strength Haleigh’s Hope®

 

[Storm Hess]

As a human, I have hypocrisies. One of my biggest? I don't have much patience with people who nitpick and complain about things. (Poky drivers in the zoom zoom lane excluded. Those are a legitimate gripe.)

e.g.

Our greyhound Zwi likes to whine, nothing wrong, he just whines. My reply: Is your head on fire? Are you bleeding, maimed, or otherwise injured or ill?

Zwi stops whining because he knows I will either crate him or put him outside. Neither place is Mordor, but it also isn't his big bed upstairs.

I'm a hardass about things, but I will easily get bent out of shape if things in my routine are upset. It is usually a really stupid thing, but it will be one little stupid thing too many and then I'm mad at myself for being mad and doing exactly that which annoys me. Crabbing. And then I get mad about the hypocrisy of my own hypocrisy.

And that really doesn't make a lot of sense...

I love animals, but I HATE hearing animals clean themselves or eating their food.

 

[Orange Glasses]

@Darkkin -

Congratulations on your poem being accepted for publication.

I know it can be stressful being more exposed than you are used to, but I think preparing a short bio and submitting a picture may work to your benefit. Pushing ourselves outside of our comfort zones will help us grow and will be less stressful when you are asked to do it again for another publication, possibly even your own book of poems.

If acceptable to the publisher, a picture of you doing something, like gardening or hiking, with your face looking slightly away may make it a tad easier for you. Just an idea.

I know you can do it!

 

[Orange Glasses]

Some people begrudge the small bits of peace and contentment others find through their own efforts. These individuals seem to assume those who find contentment bear the malcontent malice, and thusly the malcontent are not happy until they receive the apology they are entitled to because of the assumed ill of the contented. Basically people who have something that another covets need to apologize for having what another wants. They need to apologize for existing in a state that the malcontent wants.

Reality check. The world doesn't owe anybody anything and if you want something, if it really matters you'll get off your rump and find a way forward. Entitlement is sitting on your hands and whining about what the world didn't hand you instead of taking resources into account and looking for a solution.

Entitlement is nit picking, fault finding, and excuse making. It is always having something to complain about no matter what needs are met. (Food, shelter, employment, transportation, hobbies, etc.) It is a spoon tithe that is never satisfied and drains everyone in proximity. It isn't that others bear the malcontent malice; it is because the malcontent demand tithes that few can afford to pay.

So the self sufficient avoid the malingerers to protect their spoons and their own hard won well-being.

Entitlement is a behavioural mindset that can be changed with conscious effort, but in order for it to be addressed, it has to be acknowledged. And that is a truth some people cannot face. The fact that much of our misery is of our own making.

Personally, I ended up with a major shutdown last week, but I didn't get on social media and broadcast it. I did what I needed to reground myself and focused on recalibrating to the point where I was at. It was a shutdown. It was unavoidable and I got through it one step at a time. It was a nightmare. I was not okay in any way, shape, or form. It was nobody's fault; it was a basic fact and it happened.

So yes, I do know how it feels to be bone weary and so shutdown that you cannot do anything, that being awake is a battle, but you are too tired to sleep. That things that can help are too much effort, but you have to try again at some point. I got off my rump and I picked myself up because I had responsibilities. And if I didn't bother to try no one was going to hold my hand and go: There, there...

I have accountability to myself to maintain the gains I've made and to regroup when I hit a set back. And a surprising side effect of retracing one's steps...you can find things you didn't realise you had mislaid.

Sorry about the rant, but certain behaviours that are chronically rewarded can be very galling to those who put in effort to do the best they can with their own resources. Those who don't draw on community resources and often contribute to them are often the ones taken the most for granted because they are so reliable and self-sufficient. But it doesn't mean they don't struggle. Far from it.

When the self-sufficient fall, it can be much further down because we have come so far and suddenly we fail and are vulnerable. Hell, sometimes we even have to ask for help, which for the hyper-independent can seem like an insurmountable task in and of itself...because we feel we have no right to ask for another's resources because we have done nothing to earn the spoons that are given.

We take ourselves as much for granted, occasionally moreso, than society. We don't see our own worth because we are too busy lending spoons, suring up those around us, and apologizing for taking up space that we forget we have a right to exist.

We hide every emotion, the overwhelm, seal each crack in the facade. We stay silent because what is the point when no one will hear you because you've done such a perfect job of being reliable and invisible. When we fall apart is in a place where no one sees us because we are less than those entitled to apologies and as many spoons as they can get.

It is a quiet form of self-sabatoge carried out in secret because we feel like we owe our best efforts to everyone except ourselves. We are less than everyone, thusly, our own needs are denied by our own actions until we break.

I just reread this Darkkin and fully agree. It never ceases to amaze me how certain types of people think entitlement is a birthright, and that someone else is going to support them from cradle to grave.

 

[Orange Glasses]

I just infodumped big time...on another forum.

You’re my new Hero.

 

[Rodafina]

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I used to be cool. Now I'm the dork with a bathtub full of plants...

No no no, now that you are a dork with a bathtub full of plants you have advanced to Epitome of Cool.

 

[Rodafina]

We just spent the greater part of the last 24 hours without power. 6:00 pm they said yesterday...and it came back on at 8:30 am. I'm no math wiz, but that is really bad math.

 

[Tom]

I find the best self regulator to impatience with other's mistakes is my own ability, when the mental misalignment is just right, to make even bigger mistakes.

On coolness, I do not believe it should be left to just anyone to decide. Councils of Coolness are the only ones really equipped to make such determinations.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Rue Dog scared the snot out of a tweenager who was caught trying to force open our front screen to grab Potato Cat this afternoon...

I should feel bad for that kid, (and to a point I can empathize with their rotten circumstances), but this kid was attempting to break into my home to take a beloved family pet and got caught red handed, literally. Potato Cat scratched her when she tried to grab him.

She lied to her mother, to the police, and tried to have my dog impounded and my cat taken. In this instance, the fear was deserved.

She seemed fine with snatching a cat from his home and condemning a good dog to be destroyed to avoid punishment and attain her goal.

Thank goodness the truth came out in an avalanche of evidence and documentation. I still cannot comprehend trying to do such a thing, especially to an innocent animal.

Yes, it is a classic example of poor decision making and impulse control, which is something a lot of NDers struggle with, but there are times when consequences are justifiably earned.

This is one such case.

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Yikes, that's seriously awful . I'm not allowed to talk about what I'd do to someone if they tried to take an animal from me