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Communicating with someone also on the spectrum

CharmedSky

Well-Known Member
I was wondering something.

Do people on the autistic spectrum communicate more easily with someone also on the spectrum or is it just as hard? Does the thought that they are in the same situation as you make it easier?
 
It depends on the person. Being on the spectrum doesn't automatically guarantee that I'll communicate better with someone. We may have some shared experiences, but just like neurotypical people, autistic people aren't all the same and each person has their own personality and background - so if that person has a similar interests and outlook on life, then it is likely I will communicate and get on better with them.
 
In my own experience, it really just depends on the individuals. On one hand, it's easier to be yourself and to be direct with other aspies because they are a lot less likely to be nitpicky about how you come across. Aspies also tend to be very honest, which is a wonderful thing that makes interpreting them a lot more straightforward.

On the other hand, we aspies often have a hard time expressing how we feel. So, when talking to another aspie it may be more necessary rather than less to try and have empathy and to try anticipating what they may need.

My husband (who has aspergers) is very easy for me to talk to and for me to listen to because there is no judgement. But I've found that discussions around how we are feeling require a very deliberate amount of patience, and I find it's better not to expect a miracle right away. We often ask each other to repeat something or to describe it a different way.
 
It's just hard. I really dislike and fear small talk and prefer to speak with people who tend to be more realistic. I push away the people that ask too many questions about my personal life, that's more for close friends because it's easier to answer when you know they care and aren't just filling the air with pointless conversation about the weather.
 
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Interesting question.

I find it is hard only when I am still in NT rules. I have been so programmed to stay within those rules, it is hard to break out. If the other is still in NT rules of communication and I am, too, it would not be possible. But if even one of us is NOT in NT mode, then the other can catch on and engage in meaningful, curious, exploration of words, ideas, and thoughts.

It takes a while to chip off the layers of NT fake. Most of us have it all over us, like dried concrete. Yes, another Aspie who has not so many layers can help you get rid of your own, but it takes patience and understanding on both sides and trust that you are not making a fool out of yourself because at some point, you will be half in and half out.

Chip, chip, chip! Get rid of it! :)
 
Absolutely agree with @OkRad - a lot of us have been around NTs all our lives hardly meeting another Aspie. Some of us didn't even know that we're on the spectrum until late adulthood, so we'd built up those layers of "NT armour" so much that we're neither one or the other.
I've tried text chatting with two in the last year. One was lovely, but she'd only found out she was on the spectrum recently too. The other was far less NT like and I really struggled to understand or relate to him.

So it must be a combination of personality, interests and how far gone we are down the NT rabbit hole...
 
I'm just sitting here picturing two people who do not know how to socialize and communicate trying to socialize and communicate with each other. Who's going to carry the conversation? :)
 
I'm just sitting here picturing two people who do not know how to socialize and communicate trying to socialize and communicate with each other. Who's going to carry the conversation? :)

Perhaps in some cases a smile can go a very long way. Especially if neither people are apt to smile so much and know it. Where so many words may not be required. ;)

Aspie telepathy? :cool:
 
Really I have no way of telling if someone is on the spectrum. Can't say it's something I've spent many seconds thinking about while talking to someone.

I suppose that means the answer, for me, is no.
 
It does depend on the person but I find it easier to talk to other aspies.

Mostly because I can drop my guard a bit and don't have to make so much of a constant effort. I was talking to an aspie last week and they knew I had to deal with something regarding my schziophrenic, incredibly self absorbed, verbally abusive, vicious and selfish mother and asked about it. I replied "well she's not dead yet, but here's hoping". They shrugged and we continued talking. If that had been an NT they would have fallen off their chair, accused me of being a psychopath, tried to "help me" be a better person and then promptly talked about me behind my back.

So with NTs I constantly have guards up and say a fraction of what I'm thinking. So although aspies make me cringe when I see my habits reflected back at me, I do find it an immense relief conversing with them.
 

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