College Tips

[Mars26]

I'm going to College in the Fall and I'm really stressed out because I will be 2 years older than others, I will be living in dorm room in different city and because I'm shy and weird. That's why I would like to ask about tips how to fit in and survive.

 

[rubicks52]

I'm a rising senior, so this is all based on my last three years in college.
1) I wouldn't worry about being two years older. Whenever people introduce themselves, it's always accompanied by their year, not age, and two years isn't that big of a difference anyway.
2) It sounds cheesy, but joining a club is a great way to find a community. I joined the water polo team and made some good friends there.
3) If you have a roommate, address any grievances in a timely manner and don't let disputes stew until one of you explodes.
4) Your school probably has some sort of program that gives you discounts to stuff in the city like museums, so that could be a good way to explore.
5) A common getting to know you question in group activities is to tell a fun fact about yourself. I would think of one in advance, because this question came up a lot for me and always stressed me out.
I could write a huge list of things, but part of the fun of college is figuring it out for yourself. If you have any specific questions though, I'd be happy to help!

 

[AnnadinNoliman]

Well hey I just graduated college so I can help some!
When I started I was absolutely terrified about how I'd make any friends, myself being also very shy and weird. But the weird thing I noticed upon starting was that all eighteen year old freshman are just absolutely petrified, confused, and just as worried about making friends. You might know what I mean once you get passed freshman year in that all freshman have this palpable confusion just emanating from them at all times. As an autistic person, it honestly felt like the playing field was finally leveled for me, like I had just as much of a chance to find friends as any of them.
Of course that feeling goes away because of how quickly neurotypicals can group up into packs, but realize that none of these packs are set in stone because it's very likely none of them actually like each other. If you save up some energy and introduce yourself to any freshman at the beginning of the year you're pretty much guaranteed they'll invest in the conversation. Likewise, you're probably going to get a lot of people introducing themselves to you and inviting you to things. The benefit of beginning freshman year is you get invited to things just by being around, rather than knowing anyone.
So it's good to just be open to things, and to float around events or areas with lots of other freshman. Try to say yes to as many invites as you can, and joining a club you're interested in is honestly a really surefire way to at least have somewhere to go every once and a while, and will very likely get you comfortable around a consistent group of people. Going the first time is the hardest part, but it gets easier with every meeting and before you know it you're a staple of the group.
Last bit of advice is something I had never ever experienced before college and it's to not just try and be friends with the first person that talks to you. My mantra throughout public school was to be friends with anyone that would have me, but you've got more options in college. You have more places you can go to find people with similar interests, and if you find yourself around people you don't actually think are that cool you can just move on. When I started I figured out this strategy I still kind of use where when I meet someone I just be weird on purpose, hide nothing, riddle them with facts about mathematics I think are really interesting, and if they were weirded out I just never talked to them again. It seems counterproductive, but with college there are so many people you don't need to change yourself to get people to like you, you need to find other people like you. And I promise you, they're out there just as nervous as you are.

Hope this helps at all! You're gonna do great.

 

[Aspychata]

Of course you can sail through without any friends. I went to college and a university and worked. Everybody was immersed in their own lives. This was a big very well-known city by the Golden Gate bridge. My philosophy teacher started the first day saying he knew we were all thinking about?!?!? sex?!?!. Later he married one of his students, it was in the newspaper. Just relax, be yourself. It's a chance to discover yourself and who you are with a bunch of complete strangers.

 

[Judge]

A simple thing to do. When you move into your dorm room, make an effort to leave your door open when you're there. In the early days of dorm life it allows others to introduce themselves.

Of course, initially I closed my door and kept to myself. Overheard someone outside wondering who I was, and why I kept my door closed.

I wasn't real keen about going door to door myself, but then it didn't matter because most of them simply came to me. All because I left my door open. Lucky I overheard that person and adjusted accordingly. I was shy and weird too, but it didn't hurt being around so many more open-minded people at the time.

 

[Bellacat]

One nice thing about college is you generally choose what you're studying, which means you're often in a room full of other people who find that topic interesting unlike high school where it's just a total mix of everyone and everything. That means you're more likely to connect with people based on shared interests, and that can make things a lot easier!

As others have mentioned, a 2 year age difference won't be noticeable. You're an adult now and the decades blend together, so you're a "20 something" or a "30 something" etc. Plenty of people change their minds and switch schools (I did it twice) and some go back for a degree later in life for a career change. It's not an issue at all.

Also, my experience was that social stuff is just not as important in college as it was in high school. It's a unique opportunity to make lifelong friends who share your interests, but I felt like socializing was a lot more "optional" in that environment than in high school. It was perfectly acceptable for someone to have the attitude "I'm here to study, not spend my tuition money on parties". Yes, lots of people want to let loose and party, especially first year, and there are plenty of people who think social stuff is the most important thing but you can choose to participate in that or not.

If you want to keep to yourself and focus on your studies, there is a good chance you will find that other people who are like-minded will gravitate to you and you'll end up making similarly nerdy friends that you genuinely connect with, which is so much better than people who are only friends with your fake party mask. Be yourself. If there are any clubs you find interesting, definitely join them!

And a tip for dorm living: bring a really good pair of noise cancelling headphones for when you want to study, but try not to wear them so much that nobody can ever talk to you