Sorry you had this experience. If I may put in my $.02: I will speak plainly in jargon that I assume you are familiar with
No one who has it right will leverage believers to pay what they owe to God, save their love and obedience. Our capabilities and efforts are of no value to Him, and He values and wants only US. Our helplessness is why He had to provide Himself a sacrifice. God will gain nothing from a bunch of believers trying pay back the debt that was so great, only He could pay it in the first place. And that is the point: IT WAS PAID. There is nothing left to owe. As far as you being in Christ or cut off, that is hardly for any flawed, faillible believer to decide. We will sit in judegment, but once our sin nature has been cast off for good. Making decisions like this in our present state would be a mistake at best, and that is not the program. To our Master alone we will stand or fall. And that's in the Book. Seems that your congregation was not looking to God and His Spirit to do the work in you, and had arrogated that role for themselves, though it is clear none of us is capable of it. It is God's work alone in each and every case.
This sort of thing happens a lot. I have been on the receiving end of it often, especially being an Aspie with no social abilities and a loner sort of character. I do attend church, but enter late, leave early, and stiffarm everyone who approaches. I still believe we are commanded to fellowship and I do my best to obey in my poor and broken way. Due to life lessons learned the hard way, I do not trust ANYONE. Not a living soul on Earth, though I can act as though I do, in order to somewhat function in life. I am working on trusting God and I hope He is working with me, though I fail continually. I have been brazenly transparent here, and as plainspoken and unguarded as you will ever find me to be. I hope you can take something away from this that was of Him and that these words were not just the idiot wind blowing through my teeth.
Thank you,
Its more than obvious I have trust issues also. I over think stuff, I'm am a self conscious nightmare, I'm always nervous, I am a super independent loner type, I dont look people in the eye because it makes me feel weird, I don't talk much at all out in real life, so I know I'm seen as weird by those who are deemed normal. On top of that I am the first to admit I make massive mistakes, I get confused, I mess up and "sin" mostly 24/7, but its not because I don't care, or because I hate churches, or my CREATOR.
But even a fool, a dork, a geek, can see through the smoke and mirrors when something is horribly wrong.
I see things very differently than most, because I don't see this scornful CREATOR who has put a piece of himself into every organism in creation NOT wanting ANY of it to perish. I don't see this life as this one and only chance to get things right, when cast against the back drop of an eternity. If CREATION all fails and is sucked down into darkness - to me that is "GOD" in suicide mode. That is himself vanishing into the abyss. I cant grasp the finality in that when this all goes on FOREVER.
We exist forever, and have existed forever, before right now in these meat suits. I KNOW there are good people in good churches, but I also KNOW there is more to this whole existence than getting all hung up on being a slave to a religion so tainted that the people of that religion cant even agree on anything... That right there is where I see the mass flaw in Christianity.
My GOD I am the most literal person there probably is. I think on logic more than anyone I have around me. it has to add up, or it doesn't add up. Its that simple.
The churches mass divisions alone are kind of a slap in the face of JESUS. Was it not him who said, "Any house divided against itself will fall"? The non-unity, the power grabs, the guilt trips, it all turns my stomach.
I'm a guy who usually cant see the "big picture" in ANYTHING but in this I can and I see clearly.
JESUS on the other hand is my ultimate hero of all the legends of old, who all have the same message by the way - just different places, different places, different times, different spaces. Our Creator isn't out to destroy his own doings. These corrupt churches preach perfection. If there ever is perfection we will all become bored...
I see "Christianity" for what it has became and it infuriates me. It is a capitalist system of cat and mouse, that focuses on the external factors of a guy who was murdered for doing what I am doing right now. It's all just this power grab using force, scare tactics, and divisional rules of men.
We are beings of experience just as our CREATOR is a being of experience which is experienced through each and everyone of us. That CREATOR spark is IN US, it is not some external source, but yet it is at the same time.
Of all the flaws I have, maybe one flaw I don't have is arrogance. I see that arrogance all in Churches. Even churches that say other people of other churches are going to burn in hell. What happen to never JUDGE, for we will be judged in that way?
The only way I will ever get back into any church setting is if it is based SOULEY on the teaching of Yahshua.
That alone would be a very different church, and it might be a force to be reckoned with because it would be a very powerful bunch of folks who had no hang ups on all this poop that man has devised and called a Christian church.
My whole issue is and has been, that I can use those teachings and crush the whole system that we call Christianity, that why I KNOW its a screwed up nightmare, or else JESUS was the biggest liar to have ever lived, which is not the issue. So do I follow my ultimate hero through his teachings, or a bunch of folks who made a mockery out of what he came to do? Using HIS words what did he come to do? I won't say it because it will anger people, and I don't want to do that. Yahshua is not a being to be playing games with, nor was his teachings ever to be made a mockery.
If any people on this planet should be worried over the s--- they have caused it might be those who divided him up into a mass of confusion and capitalized on his murder. I fear what might actually happen is mostly the very opposite that is preach on SUNday mornings. If you LOVE someone you follow them WHOLE heartedly and you learn all you can about them, not just what they can do for you - that is using JESUS as a free get into "Heaven" pass. It terrifies me down deep inside. I don't know how people do it.
So if I KNEW and served my KING I would notice what days he chose to keep holy. I would notice what foods he detested. and not serve ham at a feast in his honor. I would notice who he cared for and who disgusted him. I would be a reflection of his every word and move, and would not be moved by anything no matter what man might call it. That is HONOR, not religion. That is LOVE, not religion.
I suck at displaying love and I know it, but I love this eternal being that came here and changed the world, sadly men changed what he did by cheapening his experience into a social status club that equally resembles the very thing he was against in the first place.
Like I said before I can go on for a very long time and get myself hated and I don't want that. I'm super passionate on this so I try very hard to stay sane and not come unglued.
I just get lost when UNCONDITIONAL LOVE becomes very conditional, and all the sudden if we don't walk this line of perfection and follow these varied "doctrines" we are going to hell.
I am either saved, or I am not, but that is for no man to judge, not even myself to judge. It is a KNOWING inside us and I KNOW I am okay and that includes all my flaws, all my screw ups, all my missed steps, all my ASD crap, all my depression, all my ugly thoughts, because it is the real me, not some guy faking it in front of a bunch of people who are faking it, while telling people how to fake it by just believing in the mane of Jesus - it makes me sick at my stomach (literally).
I gotta stop, but I do love people who KNOW they are happy, and I KNOW somewhere out there there are good HONEST churches who don't just stand JESUS up on a stick, or worse bow down to that cross and pray to it. I am a very deep person. I notice every action, every move, every word, and when they don't add up, I get deeply upset down inside because I sense something is very wrong.
Its that old saying if it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, swims like a duck - then its a duck, but if it doesn't what is it? Thats where I am on this whole thing for people who can understand it.
Thanks for allowing me to spill my guts all over the place, and for the great advice.
