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Can you be happy with living alone for a long time?

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by ryan1205, Feb 17, 2017.

  1. ryan1205

    ryan1205 Mr. I Don't Know

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    I'm not saying that I am alone. I have many friends and besides, I am only 19. But sometimes I worry how life will turn out when I am in my mid 20s to 30s. I feel that I might be alone for a long time to come, and when I mean alone, I mean having that special someone in your life.

    I was never good with girls and never had dated anyone, I only been kissed once and only been best friends with one girl who I had a thing for in high school. For me, I believe I need to find the right person but I know it won't be easy for me as I never had played the field. As of now, I really don't plan on trying to date anyone because I am too focus on school and work.

    I am currently happy now, all I need is my friends and something to keep me busy from thinking about the hard times of the past. But when (or if) I finish college, I feel that I will live alone by myself or maybe with friends. I know the best thing to do when living alone is to keep busy and not think about what you want but only what you need.

    So my question is, is it possible to live alone, or with roommates/friends without having a significant other in your life? This is what I've been asking my self for quite sometime but I will need to worry about in the future.
     
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  2. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    Appsolutely.

    I been living on my own since 17 and now I am 34. Between most of these years been living alone. The exception there was a couple years I lived with family again and 3 months my ex use to live with me. So that works out 14.5 years living alone or let keep it simple and say 15.

    Anyhow for those 15 years and my engagement of people visiting me per year works out less than 3% on average. Some years near to 0%.

    I had many people abandoned me. So I decided not to be too dependent on people and focus on a life alone. If you look at my post of me thinking of being a hermit, I am working on making this reality. In some sense I am already a hermit. You also notice with many of my posts I can find endless things to enjoy myself alone. This weekend making it a dam good weekend enjoying many things alone. Got this new RC car I going to play in the cold on ice and snow while filming it.

    Most people I speak with can't handle things alone.

    I can't advise anything for you. Anyhow you know some details of a person with experience living alone.
     
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  3. OkRad

    OkRad Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I am mixed on this. As I get older, I really like to be alone, but I am not safe alone. I don't self harm, but I get very confused when I alone too long.

    However, it is best for me and I do realize I should not be around many people. I have a family that loves me, so I try to make them happy but it's a fine line because often they do not want me around very much.
     
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  4. Clintos

    Clintos Well-Known Member

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    You'll be ok living alone, it takes a while to get use to it, but you might actually get use to it. An idle mind is the devils play ground, so keep busy and do not isolate yourself like I have done in the past.
     
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  5. Peatsmoke

    Peatsmoke Furiously sleeping indigo restlessness

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    I think it's definitely possible to live with roommates, friends or not. I did this for years, and I've known several people who have done this more or less permanently since they left home. It seems to be more common than it used to be, probably because there are more single people than in the past - more people have realised that being in a relationship doesn't really agree with them.

    Living without a "significant other" does have advantages: you can have as much "alone time" as you need, and you have more freedom in general. Also, some people really like being alone, and find it draining to be around anyone else for more than a short time. It really depends on your personality: ask yourself what kind of person you are.
     
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  6. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've lived completely alone for nearly the last ten years straight.

    It can be done. Though at times it can be lonely. Other times it's soothing.

    Especially given a lack of predictable, intrusive noise living in an apartment unit.
     
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  7. Mr Allen

    Mr Allen Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I've lived alone for just over 10 and half years in a Housing Association Flat, I admit I do get lonely at night sometimes, so I just play on Xbox or come on the Internet for a couple of hours then hit the sack.

    Having said that though, I do prefer living alone than with Housemates, I had that back in my student days and hated it, for the sheer fact I couldn't get anywhere near the Bathroom in a morning if I didn't get up before everyone else did, which is a big problem for me because I tend to wake up bursting for a wee.
     
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  8. toothless

    toothless this is mr shadow,my support cat

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    awesome,i shall look forward to your video if you post it on your channel, i LOVE RC cars and used to have a thunder tiger model,loved racing it in the snow,theyre just expensive to get fixed if you cant do it yourself though, and they stop making the parts after a while.

    as for the original topic, i love being alone with my animals,i regulary absorb myself into my own world and dont even recognise people around me [i have to have constant 24/7 1-1 support] until i choose to let them in,which makes me quite unhappy,i am ok as i am,id like to have likeminded friends though who dont have any social and communication expectations,i have a best friend called peter who is like that as he has CP and has a severe speech impairment with moderate-severe intellectual disability,we are a perfect couple in terms of friendship we just chill together,except he was quickly moved from the old place i got kicked out of and into a adult adoption service;and because he cant speak to my staff and im not allowed to have his address because of 'data protection' issues i am missing my friend.
     
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  9. orphan

    orphan Well-Known Member

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    A dog makes a better partner and makes me stay on the ground. She doesn't seem to mind that I'm...... special.
     
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  10. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    Thanks. Video will be dam good when it ready. I can now film with up to 4 cameras. One of them will be mounted on the car. But yeah RC can be expensive to fix indeed if you can't do it yourself.

    I think animals is the way to go if the person can enjoy animals company.
     
  11. Arkanu of Galatiel

    Arkanu of Galatiel New Member

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    Only if you want to.

    I'd rather not, myself, but for the future, I have no idea on how to find someone that I become friends with, and maybe develop a relationship with them, and even get married. One problem I have is that I'm preoccupied with seeking employment, hobbies, pets, and chores. Another problem I have is that I have absolutely no idea how to befriend strangers, especially women. I freeze/lock up, and it's that accursed "fight or flight" that distracts me.
     
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  12. Fitzo

    Fitzo Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I have lived alone for the past twenty years and now realise I prefer it that way. I have had relationships in that time, but had no inclination to co-habit. I think as you get older, more people prefer living alone unless they need some kind of support. But I never thought I'd feel this way when I was 19.
     
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  13. the_tortoise

    the_tortoise Lost Soul V.I.P Member

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    For some people it is, for others it is not. (And the answer may change at different times in a person's life.)

    It currently is and always has been possible for me to live happily without a romantic/sexual partner. (Doesn't mean that I have never wanted one, nor that I have never had one, just that my life can be happy and fulfilling without one.)
     
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  14. RainbowAura

    RainbowAura On the outside wishing I was something

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    No, I’d go insane after a while
     
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  15. tlc

    tlc The Mackinac Bridge and U.P. is my happy place.

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    I've tried relationships, marriage/kids, it never worked. Right now I just wish I was alone. I pretty much am anyway, as long as I stay in the basement. Looking back, I see the most productive times in my life, the times with the most innovative projects and creations, were when I was alone. But alone got old after awhile. I'd always dreamed of having a relationship with someone self sufficient, so we could enjoy the good times together, and let each other inspire the other to be the best we can be at what we do. I even wrote that in my profiles. But every time, my sense of self was always put on the back burner because she demanded I take care of her, and she gave nothing back. Until I would say no more. Does any woman take control of her own life anymore, so we can actually enjoy time together? Doesn't matter if they're welfare recipients or nurses or financial branch managers or whatever, from my experience it seems like they're all the same.

    So yes, I'll choose the mediocre but stable level of happiness that comes with being alone forever, over the alternative.
     
  16. Sabrina

    Sabrina Gentle & brave earthling

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    If we have kids, and have to take care of them (like is the case of the overwhelming majority of women in the world) that’s usually what happens: we need somebody else to help us out in life (a partner, or family) .

    It will be like that until some day in the future women are treated legally and socially better than men (not equally) because the load that women have in life is heavier (menstruations, pregnancies, breastfeeding, being full time caregivers). It’s the only way we won’t require to be taken care for by a partner or famy, in the future.

    I suggest you should look for a woman without kids, and that doesn’t want any kids in the future either, if you don’t want to care of her. Even Cheryl Sandberg, Facebook COO admited that she needed help from her (now diseased) husband to take care of their kids.

    Sorry for the uncalled-for advice. It’s just that I fully understand your wish of having an independent partner, and I want you to know that.

    In my case, I wish I was. I was convinced I could be an independent woman when I was younger. Unfortunately, reality hit me in the face later in life. I wish my daughter or grand- daughter can be independent. But for that to happen, a lot has to change in the social and legal fabric of the world.
     
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  17. Sabrina

    Sabrina Gentle & brave earthling

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    I think that if you are worried about it, it means that you are not comfortable with the idea of being alone.

    I just saw a video about introverts/extroverts where the speaker said that introverts sometimes have to act out of character in order to follow a project or reach a goal.

    What it means is that we sometimes introverts have to act like extroverts. In his example, he acts like an exrovert in class because he wants to reach out to his students. In my case, I am being occasionally more extrovert now because I just separated from my husband, and I don’t want to spend the rest of my life alone.

    Even if you have issues relating with women, you can make an effort and get out of your comfort zone to reach out to them.

    You can do that as long as you are aware that it is an effort “out of character” and that you need to take time to be you again afterwards, so you don't get exhausted (by being alone for a while doing what you like ).

    Maybe you can try being more social in order to find a special someone, to see what happens. Then you can decide by yourself, by experience, if you want to live alone or with somebody else.
     
  18. Kirsty

    Kirsty ND

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    Oh yes, I would love to live alone. I do live with other people, but I avoid them. Looking forward to having my own place, but first I’ll have to find a better contract and different type of work.
     
  19. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I love living alone, up to a point. I tend to stay indoors too much and end up accidentally isolating myself. Sharing a house means less risk of total isolation.
     
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  20. Shamar

    Shamar Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I find it much more comfortable to live alone. And by alone I don't mean no roommate or lover or something like that. I mean miles from the nearest other human. Like everyone else, I have a need, a very strong need, for social, emotional, and physical contact. Unfortunately, this is impossible for me. As an anthrophobe and demophobe (fear of people and fear of crowds), I find dealing with people frightening and exhausting. Don't tell me to ask my friends; I do not now and have never had any friends, as I understand the concept. I have had meaningless acquaintances, but I have never been able to bond with or attach with another person. I find it better to live away from people and suffer the pain of loneliness than to live among people and suffer the same loneliness plus the frustration of not being able to connect.

    The short answer from my experience is that it is possible to live alone without a significant other, but it is painful. If you do live with a significant other, that other person has to be loving enough for the both of you. To date, I have not found someone like this. A word of caution - finding someone who provides relief from loneliness can feel like love, but it is very temporary, only until the novelty of not being lonely wears off. Then the feelings of what you thought was love disappear.

    This message seems to have turned into a rant or vent. I hope I didn't offend anybody.
     
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