Feelings over time in a long-term relationship can change for anyone and everyone, regardless of whether or not they're on a spectrum.
Think about the complexity of a relationship.
A long-term relationship [be they married or not] between two people relies on lots of very specific things to match up as precisely as possible.
- Your wants and needs
- Their ability, interest, and willingness to fulfill your wants and needs
- Their wants and needs
- Your ability, interest, and willingness to fulfill their wants and needs
That's a rather tall order, since most people grow and change, meaning that their wants and needs change, as well as their ability, interest, and willingness to fulfill the needs of the other person. I suspect that these changes still occur as we get older, but that change becomes less frequent over time.
I'm not the same person that I was 7 years ago. Few people are.
To make it more complicated, the more we get to know another person, the more our opinions and feelings may shift. They had a little giggle that was once really cute, but over time one might realize it's a manipulation exercise, so it's no longer cute.
But nothing bad has to happen between the two people in order to fall apart. One person could have a personal challenge or a life experience that changes them, and this results in a change in how they perceive the relationship.
Human relationships are very complicated.
In America culture, many believe it to be a good idea to promise eternal love to another person. I find it ridiculous to assert the idea that I'll deliver a specific emotion [love] to her for an amount of time [forever] that extends WAY beyond how long I might actually live. And to make it worse, I promise to never extend that feeling to another person, ever. It's romantic, but it's also ridiculous.
It's a promise that nobody can honestly make, because we change, and the person we're with also changes. The chances of these changes remaining in synch and being compatible is very slim.
Maybe he had a problem with you, or maybe the problem was him.
If he moved on, then that's his business. Whatever the reason, he felt it had to be done. When one person feels this way, it is impossible to carry on.
Maybe there was nothing wrong with you at all. But if you believe that you have an issue that caused a problem, then this is a good time for some self-work and self-love. For not everyone is capable of having a relationship, and the reasons for that are wide and varied.
I've been in a successful relationship for 20 years. I don't view it as something that completes me. Instead, I see it as a positive enhancement. That's not to say we don't have issues.
For example, she's a bit of a hoarder, not in the way where she collects paint buckets of her own feces in the garage. It's more like boxes and boxes of stuff that might not be important, and week after week she talks about how she "needs to go through it all."
Based on our history, I am certain that this mess will remain until I do something about it. But then she'll have a ton of questions about whether or not I threw out this or that, and she really "wanted to go through it" before I dealt with it.
I already dealt with it once, by having a garbage company clear out one of our storage units. Paid them $600 to deal with it. That's a lot of stuff. Just stuff.
When I was single, I lived quite differently. My apartment would look like a model apartment that's meant for showing others. Once, after I moved into an apartment, my mother came to look at it. She said, "This is nice. When are you moving in?"
Who knows, maybe in the next few months or years, this might become a deal-breaker and I'll have to decide whether or not I put out an ultimatum, or I just make it easier and leave. She knows it's an issue for me, as we've talked about it over the decades. I'm tired of seeing a living room that has boxes stacked to the ceiling, with some boxes set up like a temporary desk.
Or maybe I'll be able to help her deal with all of this faster, so that I can breathe a bit more easily. There are added complications to the relationship, which would take a book to cover, so a departure could be instigated by something else.
Right now, her boxes and messes are an issue, but it doesn't weigh against the positives. She's very caring, considerate, and is one of my most fierce defenders. We genuinely work together on many issues, and have been through things that would destroy most relationships.
It's really anybody's guess as to what will happen. We might last another 15 years, until one of us dies, or we might last another 15 weeks.
No guarantees. 20 years in, and even I cannot make a promise.
