called names/bullied by director at work

[RemyZee]

This is what happened at work.. I have a director who has excluded and harassed me. The staff and i were giving a presentation by zoom, director present. All the staff are disabled, with 3 neurodivergent people--we r a disability organziation, all disabled..

We were getting ready for the presentation by zoom and going over things.

Then My director says, "Remy, pull your chair closer to the table so we can see you on the video. You look like a pinhead. Like that guy in Beatlejuice."

There were many people there: both staff from my office and staff from the onek where we were presenting.

I feel so ugly. I have been crying and crying, because that is how someone ssees me, and because if she sees me that way everyone else must also see me that way. I feel so ashamed.. And am tyring to figure out.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I would have laid into him, I do not take crap off of people, New boss tried to humiliate me once When I was done she had a new hole. I do not care if you think being the boss make you more important, truth matters. Sure they dumped me, next position was much better, she got fired herself soon after plus place fell apart. They needed me more than I needed them. Your self esteem, is not dependent on others. Sorry I have no idea as to your sex. Us guys handle things differently. I guess I'm a closet, alfa male. I Doubt the other people in the room see you that way.

 

[Dagan]

Two perspectives: Your boss did something intentional to hurt your feelings.....or......it was bad choice of phrasing because, yeah, the farther you sit away from web cameras (most of them have that fish eye lens thing going on - honestly, some phone cameras do the same thing), they will give odd appearances of you being way farther off than you actually are....and so, you will look tiny to everyone else.

Straight up ask your boss about it. You deserve to know, and either way, it presents your feelings to them to have in mind per any next time speaking to you.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

I'm sorry you went through that, especially if they in fact mean it the way you took it. I know bosses can be hateful. One of the supervisors where I used to work stared me down while flicking his box cutter open and closed for no apparent reason that I could figure out. A total different supervisor had me walking really fast to pull the carts and such and was taunting about how he could cut people's time allowance to accomplish the assignment even more if he wanted. When he noticed how frantically I had started hurrying my work, he started following me as I worked and singing some rap song (I think he made it up as he went) taunting about how pressured I felt and accusing me of being a ticking time you know what even though I was not acting aggressive, but just trying to hurry my work to meet an impossible timeline.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I've had yelling matches with, immediate boss on the phone, got him so mad one day he threw a stapler at me in his office, We are still friends just told him calm down, it's just a difference of opinion. I guess that fed the gossip, IT manager was in ajoining office,

 

[Neonatal RRT]

This is what happened at work.. I have a director who has excluded and harassed me. The staff and i were giving a presentation by zoom, director present. All the staff are disabled, with 3 neurodivergent people--we r a disability organziation, all disabled..

We were getting ready for the presentation by zoom and going over things.

Then My director says, "Remy, pull your chair closer to the table so we can see you on the video. You look like a pinhead. Like that guy in Beatlejuice."

There were many people there: both staff from my office and staff from the onek where we were presenting.

I feel so ugly. I have been crying and crying, because that is how someone ssees me, and because if she sees me that way everyone else must also see me that way. I feel so ashamed.. And am tyring to figure out.

I am imagining myself in that scenario, being on the receiving end, I would just laugh at a comment like that.

For whatever reasons you internalized it as an insult. As a person with autism, I have been on the giving and receiving end of these "dark humor" sort of comments, and sure, I've stepped into a big pile of horse manure with some individuals who internalized it as a serious insult, when it was just meant to be funny. I can't begin to predict how anyone is going to react.

On the other hand, I don't know your director. I would have to look at their history of behavior and their personality. Was it really meant to be funny and you just internalized it wrong? Was it them truly being a bully and an inconsiderate prick? If it is the later, then there are laws protecting you from that sort of behavior.

 

[WhitewaterWoman]

It sounds to me like that was a poor choice of words. You needed to pull up closer to be seen. That’s all. Some stuff ya gotta just let go.

That doesn’t mean you felt terrible and felt like crying. I get that too.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Some bosses think they are the most knowledgeable person in the room, when they are not.

 

[Masked Man]

I agree that this was most likely your boss just telling you to move up a bit ... however it really should have stopped there. There was no reason to say anything more than something like "we can't see you very well."

I've had bosses and other people that I've known who are trying too hard to be funny... and it's just not, and rather it comes across as meanness.

If you have the ability I would privately say to your boss that the comment was unnecessary and you felt targeted in the moment.

 

[RemyZee]

I would have laid into him, I do not take crap off of people, New boss tried to humiliate me once When I was done she had a new hole. I do not care if you think being the boss make you more important, truth matters. Sure they dumped me, next position was much better, she got fired herself soon after plus place fell apart. They needed me more than I needed them. Your self esteem, is not dependent on others. Sorry I have no idea as to your sex. Us guys handle things differently. I guess I'm a closet, alfa male. I Doubt the other people in the room see you tha

female--

I am imagining myself in that scenario, being on the receiving end, I would just laugh at a comment like that.

For whatever reasons you internalized it as an insult. As a person with autism, I have been on the giving and receiving end of these "dark humor" sort of comments, and sure, I've stepped into a big pile of horse manure with some individuals who internalized it as a serious insult, when it was just meant to be funny. I can't begin to predict how anyone is going to react.

On the other hand, I don't know your director. I would have to look at their history of behavior and their personality. Was it really meant to be funny and you just internalized it wrong? Was it them truly being a bully and an inconsiderate prick? If it is the later, then there are laws protecting you from that sort of behavior.

Yeah there is a history of complaints about her, also things she has done that effect my job, staff that complain she excludes people. I did internalize it as an insult. But I do completely misunderstand social things at times (often times), with one recent situation where I REALLY misunderstood the situation only to find out my entire thought process was wrong. In this situation, I do believe she intentionally said something hurtful, in the context of other things I've experienced. Was it a SERIOUS offense? An unforgivable one? It just isn't funny to tell someone they look like a pinhead. I don't know. Most of today I have been thinking about asking for a different supervisor.

 

[Masked Man]

If you are able to request a different supervisor you might do that. I've worked with supervisors who enjoy their role because they enjoy what feeling of power they get by having others "beneath" them. One such supervisor I had for a very short while ended up being let go for various reasons, but one of them was that someone reported her for bullying staff members, and my place of employment does not take things like that lightly.

 

[RemyZee]

 

[Aspychata]

That was nasty. But if she knows she upset you, then you are giving her words power over you. I had a cook call me names. One day, he was screaming at the top of his lungs just how lame l was in front of the kitchen staff. I looked straight at him and said why don't you scream louder. Lol. The entire staff was shocked, nobody had ever called him out before. Of course he hated me after that.

 

[Jumpinbare]

I've stepped into a big pile of horse manure with some individuals who internalized it as a serious insult, when it was just meant to be funny.

My neurologist, after looking through my file, looked right at me and said "Oh, you're my weird patient." And he did stress the word "weird". I do have some odd-ball neurological issues that don't easily conform to the nice clean diagnoses available - so I know exactly how he meant it and didn't take it as criticism, but I was still surprised he would come right out and say that to a patient.

 

[FayetheADHDsquirrel]

My neurologist, after looking through my file, looked right at me and said "Oh, you're my weird patient." And he did stress the word "weird". I do have some odd-ball neurological issues that don't easily conform to the nice clean diagnoses available - so I know exactly how he meant it and didn't take it as criticism, but I was still surprised he would come right out and say that to a patient.

People think I'm weird too.

 

[Jumpinbare]

Except add 16 years

 

[RemyZee]

All day, I keep laughing because of the irony--this happened at a Disability Etiquette workshop we give, where you talk about how important words can be, and the importance of welcoming people with disabilities like blind, deaf etc. I was supposed to do the autistic part. But now I am like: etiquette does NOT involve telling a person publicly they look like a pinhead or that they have a shrinking head.. That is just rude. So I will put on another rendition of the Ramones, claim the name. I am a good pinhead.

 

[Judge]

Sadly that unnecessary and unwelcome comment sounds much like something my former branch manager would have said. He had a habit of blurting out whatever came across his mind, without giving it much thought.

But then to quote Mel Brooks, "It's good to be the king!"

 

[RemyZee]

I am imagining myself in that scenario, being on the receiving end, I would just laugh at a comment like that.

For whatever reasons you internalized it as an insult. As a person with autism, I have been on the giving and receiving end of these "dark humor" sort of comments, and sure, I've stepped into a big pile of horse manure with some individuals who internalized it as a serious insult, when it was just meant to be funny. I can't begin to predict how anyone is going to react.

On the other hand, I don't know your director. I would have to look at their history of behavior and their personality. Was it really meant to be funny and you just internalized it wrong? Was it them truly being a bully and an inconsiderate prick? If it is the later, then there are laws protecting you from that sort of behavior.

Been thinking about this all day and I don't think the comment was intentionally cruel, but I do think that is how she actually sees me--she thinks I'm slow witted and I am when I'm in human company and often when I'm not. She is also simply mean, and not just to me--I've seen her chastise people who were coming to us for help, talk about how they are playing the victim. Talks about a woman who has had two strokes: "She's playing the victim." One of our staff people was in tears once because she had been left out by the woman so much--at a meeting, she kept saying, "I exist!" to her. She took one of my ideas and said it was her own, coordinated it all and implemented it without telling me or giving me credit. She is not disabled, but she talks and talks and talks and monopolizes everything without saying anything at all. I don't think in this situation I internalized it wrong, The fact that it was a disability etiquette class was what was actually very funny: you would think they would tell it is NOT a form of etiquette to tell someone in public that they look like a pinhead.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Been thinking about this all day and I don't think the comment was intentionally cruel, but I do think that is how she actually sees me--she thinks I'm slow witted and I am when I'm in human company and often when I'm not. She is also simply mean, and not just to me--I've seen her chastise people who were coming to us for help, talk about how they are playing the victim. Talks about a woman who has had two strokes: "She's playing the victim." One of our staff people was in tears once because she had been left out by the woman so much--at a meeting, she kept saying, "I exist!" to her. She took one of my ideas and said it was her own, coordinated it all and implemented it without telling me or giving me credit. She is not disabled, but she talks and talks and talks and monopolizes everything without saying anything at all. I don't think in this situation I internalized it wrong, The fact that it was a disability etiquette class was what was actually very funny: you would think they would tell it is NOT a form of etiquette to tell someone in public that they look like a pinhead.

Sounds like this director of yours has some "issues" and hasn't a clue how to be a leader. I might move this up the chain of command.