"But you'd look so nice with make up!"

[PinkPenguin29]

I don't wear make up often. Usually for special occasions, or If I feel like it that day. most of the time I find a lot of it uncomfortable. I take really good care of my skin, and my husband likes my natural face, and frankly so do I (although it took me a long time to be okay with how I look).

what's frustrating is that when I do choose to wear make up, my step mom goes out of her way to tell me how nice I look, and that I should wear make up more often. and it feels like an underhanded compliment. I've had similar comments from other relatives and occasionally friends.
My sister wears make up every day, and since that's how she's comfortable I think it's wonderful for her. I just wish other people understood this is how I'm comfortable.
Whenever I wear make up I'm continuously aware of it on my skin, and that's not how I want to feel all the time.

I'm an In home caregiver, I have a new client who had an conversation with her husband right in front of me about how pretty I be with the right make up and colors. For them I take a deep breath and smile and nod, because they are in their 80's and that's just their generation. But it does make something twitch in the back of my brain

Does any one relate to this? maybe for you it's not make up it's something else.
How do you deal with the comments?

 

[Mia]

I've noticed that there are an entire generation of women who don't wear makeup and I think that's good. I haven't in many years either. As for the comments that people make toward you, I find that so strange in this era.

Beyond the fact that makeup is unregulated, unlike food is, they can put anything they want into something that's absorbed by your skin. I used a skin cream for years, that one day disappeared from the shelves. Only to find out that the reason it was gone was because it had high levels of lead in it. After that I was much more careful about anything I chose to use.

Think I would find it insulting, if people commented on my appearance. Your right to be annoyed by it. It's none of their business. Think if someone said that to me, I would suggest something about their appearance that needed improvement, so they would get the point. You could cut or change your hair colour for example and that would suit you better. You should wear blue instead of yellow. I know of a wonderful skin cleanser that would work well Really when you think about it, it's people being critical and couching it in what they consider a helpful manner.

 

[Tom]

My only thought is, personally I much prefer natural looks over adding things. Anything that stands out to the point I notice it starts to detract from my impression; the more noticeable it is the more it repels.

There are exceptions. Very slight highlights, the kind you really don't know are there easily can work well if the wearer feels like doing it. Some dramatic effects can also work but its iffy. If it works it can be great, but if it fails it's just horrid.

I feel the same about jewelry and tatoos as well as makeup. It is not just the physical appearance but something else going on in my mind, that is hard to find words for, and I think may be related to my Aspie way of processing. Natural = real.

 

[BraidedPony]

My mom would tell me how much better i would look IF I JUST LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT.
I don't wear makeup often either, but I found that the mineral foundation at least bearable, unlike liquid foundation.

 

[PinkPenguin29]

My mom would tell me how much better i would look IF I JUST LOST ALL THAT WEIGHT.
I don't wear makeup often either, but I found that the mineral foundation at least bearable, unlike liquid foundation.

I used to get that occasionally, luckily I had an aunt who heard that from my parents once, and put a stop to it. And she is one of the reasons I learned to love my body. Once someone saw my wedding photo and looked at me and told me I lost so much weight and look fantastic now, I gave her the most serious look I could and told her I looked fabulous in that photo. she responded with, "it was a compliment" which always irritates me, and told her, "it wasn't to me"
She and I also rubbed each other wrong on many occasions.

I also use mineral powder, any liquid on my face feels like too much,aside from basic moisturizer or sunblock.

 

[SliverOfSand]

This is so funny, I had the exact same thought today! My mom, sister, and many other people have always said that ‘you would look so much better with make-up!’ I don’t think they say that to be mean. They’ve told me that they feel way better about themselves when they wear makeup, so maybe they think it’ll have the same effect on me. It doesn’t. They can’t understand that I hate the feeling of having make-up on my face. I think that they believe that these comments are helpful, that make-up will make me feel better about myself. It makes me feel like a fraud instead. I don’t really care about my looks. That’s not what I’m insecure about, so make-up won’t help me feel better.

I try to take those comments with a grain of salt, even though it’s hard sometimes... I think that you shouldn’t have to conform to what other people want if it makes you uncomfortable. If you’re happy with how you are, then you shouldn’t feel pressured to change anything.

 

[PinkPenguin29]

This is so funny, I had the exact same thought today! My mom, sister, and many other people have always said that ‘you would look so much better with make-up!’ I don’t think they say that to be mean. They’ve told me that they feel way better about themselves when they wear makeup, so maybe they think it’ll have the same effect on me. It doesn’t. They can’t understand that I hate the feeling of having make-up on my face. I think that they believe that these comments are helpful, that make-up will make me feel better about myself. It makes me feel like a fraud instead. I don’t really care about my looks. That’s not what I’m insecure about, so make-up won’t help me feel better.

I try to take those comments with a grain of salt, even though it’s hard sometimes... I think that you shouldn’t have to conform to what other people want if it makes you uncomfortable. If you’re happy with how you are, then you shouldn’t feel pressured to change anything.

I try to remember that when certain people say these things they mean well, but like another Mia said, some of the comment I get feel dated in in 2020.
I eventually hope that others will understand that it's as okay for someone to feel comfortable without makeup as others feel comfortable with it.

 

[Matthias]

Like Tom wrote above, I prefer a natural look. Too much makeup, jewelry, tattoos, etc. looks fake. People who need to wear makeup because they feel ugly without it have self-esteem issues. People should be themselves and be confident in who they are as a person.

 

[Kalinychta]

Girls are taught from the moment we're born that our number one priority in life is to be seen as sexy and beautiful. The women who say those things to you are just displaying this brainwashing. How could a woman choose to not be as pretty as she would be if she just wore makeup? It's stupid. It's like we're imprisoned in jail cells that have no locks on the doors, but we don't realize that we can step out and free ourselves at any time. And the women who have stepped out are viewed with deep confusion and wonder by those who remain confined.

So when people make comments about your appearance, just keep responding the way you do now. I'm sure you've given more than one of them a lot to think about.

 

[unperson]

Haven't worn make up since my twenties, it's important to know how to use it, I don't regret learning but meh. Once you get old they'll stop so there's that to look forward to!

 

[PinkPenguin29]

I Remember hearing a conversation few years ago about how the bare minimum on women should be a tinted moisturizer, and I'm like why? Is not wearing make up offensive some how? Is a bare face unbearable to some people?

 

[unperson]

They (you know who I mean) like the artificial woman in this world, the doll in the doll's house. I've fallen foul of this many times!

Just think of them as viral marketers of the fake woman, it's their job, so no need to take offence, but no need to buy either. 'Not today, thankyou'.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

Ignore them I say; you do you.
I mean, if you are uncomfortable with it on, then don't do it. People who pressure you in a similar style to peer pressure, can simply be ignored. You set to do what you want to do and honestly something inconsequential as makeup isn't a massive deal whether you have it on at all. There are some who might say oh you look good with makeup, but there's just as many people who may not even pay attention and/or like you whether you put it on or not.

 

[Jumpback]

I don't wear make up often. Usually for special occasions, or If I feel like it that day. most of the time I find a lot of it uncomfortable. I take really good care of my skin, and my husband likes my natural face, and frankly so do I (although it took me a long time to be okay with how I look).

what's frustrating is that when I do choose to wear make up, my step mom goes out of her way to tell me how nice I look, and that I should wear make up more often. and it feels like an underhanded compliment. I've had similar comments from other relatives and occasionally friends.
My sister wears make up every day, and since that's how she's comfortable I think it's wonderful for her. I just wish other people understood this is how I'm comfortable.
Whenever I wear make up I'm continuously aware of it on my skin, and that's not how I want to feel all the time.

I'm an In home caregiver, I have a new client who had an conversation with her husband right in front of me about how pretty I be with the right make up and colors. For them I take a deep breath and smile and nod, because they are in their 80's and that's just their generation. But it does make something twitch in the back of my brain

Does any one relate to this? maybe for you it's not make up it's something else.
How do you deal with the comments?

This reminds me of the song “Wild nights” which includes the lyrics “All the girls walk by, dressed up for each other”

I mean it seems like men prefer women who look their best with whatever is flattering to a woman’s appearance, but I don’t think that guys notice if a woman is wearing makeup as much as women notice other women aren’t wearing make up

I’m also reminded of this. In the movie “Legally Blonde” she figures out guy who was supposed to be sleeping with accused woman is actually gay because he knew her shoes were last seasons Pradas, because straight men don’t know these things. This season or last seasons designer shoes is women competing with each other, not something men notice

 

[Gracey]

I don't wear make up. It feels like my skin can't breathe.

I'm not trying to attract a mate.
I'm comfortable in my own packaging.
I have no desire to highlight any features.
I don't particularly want to attract attention.
It's my skin. I can do as I wish with it.


With regard to comments from others and comebacks,

I just smile. Proper, eye crinkling smile and tell them I don't have time in a morning to apply it.

(roughly translated it means I'm not organised enough)

I would take offence at their inference but I'm not going to wear make up anyway,
so waste of time getting wound up over it

 

[onlything]

I don't wear make up other than on special occasions. I just don't like the way it sticks to my skin. It also makes me look so different that it feels a bit creepy at time. I like my natural face more, simple as that, even with friends and relatives telling me how good I would look wearing make up every day.

Not my thing. I don't like the process, the final look, the layers on my face nor the feeling of wasted time. If I am to choose, I prefer paint or soil on my face than make up.

No point listening to people. There will always be some that want to change something in you.

 

[cnn]

As a man, I do not mind a touch here and there, but a full make up seems like a mask and I feel uncomfortable. Also just by looking, I immediately feel the taste and touch of fatty plastic.

The second issue, is that I do not understand the need to look charming to everybody. It would make sense for me if make up were a one to one ritual.

Finally, I could try eyeliners myself, once in a while, but I could not handle the feeling at the time that everybody was looking at me.

So, put up whatever makes you happy and tell the people who intend good; "maybe later", usually they drop the conversation for good.

 

[menander]

Looks matter so much (apparently). I never got that. So all my friends were people for whom looks never mattered. They were smart and fun and I would never trade that.

The only time I ever lost friends was when I tried to pass and made those kinds of friends. They were all GOOD PEOPLE, but I can't keep up with those who care about looks. That's ok, I love my interesting friends. They were overalls and baggy clothes but we do fun things when I see them (which right now is never).

PS I would add that when people say things like, "Just a bit makes you look good...." my friend female w ASD said that was THE WORST because then she spent hours on trying to GET to that middle when the whole thing made no sense.

IS this the middle? Is the right? Is this too much? IT IS , ISN'T IT? No? I'ts not? Well it feels weird......etc. So I am glad she dumped that crap. Took up way to much energy.

 

[Jumpback]

I've seriously never met a guy who has ever commented on a woman wearing make up or not wearing make up

I'm interested in the origin of how propaganda was used in marketing. Specifically in how Edward Bernays managed to make things like cigarettes cool to women by marketing Lucky Strike cigarette smoke as "torches of freedom" and then how nazis used used a Jewish guys ideas to turn Germans against Jews

Edward Bernays - Wikipedia

Like in the US, blacks tend to drink Sprite and smoke Newport cigarettes. Whites don't care what blacks drink or smoke. Blacks notice when other blacks aren't complying to expectations. It's all targeted marketing, which gets in people's heads.

Newport (cigarette) - Wikipedia

Like I get this idea that woman think that men significantly actually care if they are wearing makeup or not, but this is not because men actually care, it's a result of marketing and this marketing more resulting in women judging other women for not complying with expectations

Like see the original post, it isn't men who were giving her a hard time, it's other women

 

[Judge]

The few girlfriends I had in my life all wore very little makeup in general. I always thought they looked quite pretty without it. Less was more.

But then I still recall my first day in high school. When I thought I was attending a seminar for hookers. So many girls wearing way too much makeup who apparently didn't understand how to apply it. Oh my.