Betrayed

[Violette88]

Essentially by best friend betrayed me, I know for a fact they are telling other people about what they believe I have done. This means she is not talking to me, and she is making sure that other people also have a negative view on me. I know I did not do anything wrong, but it hurts because I lost my best friend through a misunderstanding that she is not willing to resolve. I cannot stop thinking about this, and I keep thinking "what could I have done differently?" I would like to work out how to get over this, as I am upset about this. I find aspie and autie advice generally more helpful than NT advice as it is often more direct and succinct.(I realised I could give myself advice, but currently I am too stuck in my head) So what would you do if you were in my position?
TIA

 

[Suzanne]

My heart goes out to you. I have been there and it is so frustrating.

What I would say to my best friend is this: why are you my best friend? Ok, so why would you believe that about me? Do you not think that as a best friend, you should come to me and find out what I did say?

One of my siblings was very like this. She always believed the lies about me, despite knowing that I would not say such things. She even admitted this to me, but the person who lied about me, was mother, who hated the fact that I would not bend to hr will; she is a pure narcissist. My sister seemed to be constantly under her spell, to the extent that she believed her mother over knowing me very well and the fact that I have always been there for her!

Often I would be crying at the sheer injustice. But I learned to reason with her ie the above ie why, why and why?

 

[Cosmophylla]

I, too, have been in that situation, albeit a long time ago. Lies were told about me and suddenly i was cast out of my friendship group. Even my best friend turned her back on me. Luckily for me it was the end of high school and that meant I could make a clean break. It hurt like hell, though.

It happened again later with another person, who suddenly avoided me and pretended he wasn't in the country, ignored texts and never told me why. I never spoke to him again and became really depressed.

I agree with Suzanne about asking questions, but if the situation is such that she won't even acknowledge you, there isn't much you can do. In that case, I would focus on doing activities that make you happy. Delve into your special interest or indulge in favourite TV shows/video games or whatever you do to distract yourself for a while. Lay your favourite sport if that's your thing. If you're comfortable with going new places you could try out a new hobby or club that has interested you.

Change is hard for us, and change forced upon you in the cruelest way is the worst. So doing your favourite thing for a while, i.e. being kind to yourself, may make the transition a little easier to ride through.

By the way, I've had several phases of my life with different friends, then have moved on to a new place and met different people. A bit like living several lives over the course of one lifetime. Over time I learnt to not mourn the loss of old friends, but to look back and simply appreciate having had those friendships at all. Being grateful I had those experiences. Without those friendships and those experiences I wouldn't be where I am today.

 

[Mathalamus]

What i would do in your position is, make one attempt at an apology. if it fails, move on with your life. if your supposed best friend refuses your apology, he or she obviously isnt worth it.

its a fact of life that friendships can end real quickly, due to misunderstandings and the like. all we can do is prevent as many as possible, and handle it right if it does happen.