Being REJECTED from a group for being autistic

[Aspie_With_Attitude]

Most individuals from all walks of life would feel rejection at some points in their lives, all from my personal experience as I explained in this video (From 3:30) how this feels when I was rejected and became an outcast back in High School. From my experience facing rejection, I feel that this negative feeling could be more severe for autistic individuals than those who are not autistic.

I like to verify if it's really true that people who feel rejected are more severe for autistic individuals. It would be cool if you could perhaps share some your stories and your experiences when you felt rejected and how this had impacted on your mental health.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Never bothered, me in high school, liked to be alone in the Library. I was the kid on the school yard who stood alone during recess. Bothers me when I walk past a school yard see that kid alone. Also know maybe that's the way they may want it. Cannot say I have ever felt rejected. My family was my peer group.

 

[Suzette]

I don't think anyone can ever say they feel something more acutely because of autisim. When people are hurting emotionally there is no objective scale. Pain is pain. A broken heart is a broken heart. Rejection does not feel worse for autistic folk than n.t. folk. Rejection just hurts. And you aren't going to make anyone be more compassionate towards you by claiming your pain is greater than theirs.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I like to verify if it's really true that people who feel rejected are more severe for autistic individuals.

Autism is one of those "low dopamine" neurological conditions. As such we are more susceptible to depressive moods and suicidal ideology. Furthermore, we often have social and communication difficulties,...but are still seeking love, affection, acceptance, and respect...just like anyone else. Most neurotypicals often pick up on all the subtle non-verbal and verbal signaling of an autistic,...or anyone else with neurological and psychological "issues". Unless we are intellectually engaged and masking,...which is difficult to be "in character" for extended periods of time,...that person we are trying to connect with,...at some point in time, is going to catch us "slip up" and drop our mask. At which point, they are going to know we are "off" from the norm and may pull away from us.

As much as I try to keep myself at a "neutral" as possible,...but inside,...I can feel things quite deeply. You may never know it,...I am really good at pushing emotions down deep and internalizing. I know it's not good at some level,...but on the other hand,...I don't modulate my emotional states well, so I have found it best to be rather stoic. I've never had a good experience with emotions.

So, to the original question as to whether an autistic is going to be more affected psychologically from rejection than a neurotypical,...there is some evidence for this,...at least in theory.

 

[Nemesis_2k7]

heh. story of my life, being rejected here and there, just for being different. i wonder why if its why i don't like people much, and have trust issues and anger issues. hmmmm.

 

[watersprite]

It would take too long to write down my experiences with this. So I’ll just say, yes, I can relate to being rejected from groups. I can also relate to withdrawing from groups. My interests & my way(s) of thinking about things; they don’t mesh well at all with most humans.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

It would take too long to write down my experiences with this. So I’ll just say, yes, I can relate to being rejected from groups. I can also relate to withdrawing from groups. My interests & my way(s) of thinking about things; they don’t mesh well at all with most humans.

'that's why we are different from the NTs a tribe of our own.

 

[LadyS]

I never had rejection issues at school but rather from family. And mine is huge so pretty much rejection ×10. But can't really know if rejection feeling is more acutely severe because of the rejection itself or because we have a tendency to relive our past trauma over and over again in the same way we like to do certain things the same way over and over again. Part of our routine?

I remember after telling my SIL of my diagnosis she started understanding why me and my brother can't get past our past rejections by our family. She says she certainly had negative experiences from her past but she never bring them up again the same way we still do.

It's hard to know for sure ...

 

[Matthias]

I like to verify if it's really true that people who feel rejected are more severe for autistic individuals. It would be cool if you could perhaps share some your stories and your experiences when you felt rejected and how this had impacted on your mental health.

Autistic people have fewer close relationships than people who aren't autistic. Losing a friend is more painful when you have less friends. It's especially painful if you only had one friend since you'll be completely alone while a person with several friends might not feel much pain since they can spend time with them instead.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

Autistic people have fewer close relationships than people who aren't autistic. Losing a friend is more painful when you have less friends. It's especially painful if you only had one friend since you'll be completely alone while a person with several friends might not feel much pain since they can spend time with them instead.

your right I lost a close friend a couple of years ago did not know he had died for a year, his sister did not know my phone number

 

[Au Naturel]

I would say that I was not rejected for being autistic. I was rejected for social incompetence. The notion of autism didn't exist where I grew up. Nobody said, "I reject you because you are autstic." They rejected me because they thought I was strange.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I sort of liked being different or as others perceived as strange .being member of a strange family was even better. Who needed green hair a tattoo or earings. not us.

 

[Owliet]

Most individuals from all walks of life would feel rejection at some points in their lives, all from my personal experience as I explained in this video (From 3:30) how this feels when I was rejected and became an outcast back in High School. From my experience facing rejection, I feel that this negative feeling could be more severe for autistic individuals than those who are not autistic.

I like to verify if it's really true that people who feel rejected are more severe for autistic individuals. It would be cool if you could perhaps share some your stories and your experiences when you felt rejected and how this had impacted on your mental health.

I wasn’t rejecting due to my diagnosis in high school. I was rejected during school for Looking back autistic traits But I was rejected for being different. I had one “friend” from high school who rejected me because of my autism diagnosis, and I avoid telling people ever since. Obviously, I’m different and it’s obvious that I have eccentric without the diagnosis to explain why but I prefer to not announce it widely that I have ASD because of bad experiences when I do, so yeah I guess I do get rejected for being on the spectrum.

 

[Aspychata]

Rejection is a love/hate word. Being rejected made me strive harder to get where l wanted to go. People's acceptance of me carried me further along. But being female and having some unusual body traits perhaps made people wonder about who l was.

Think if l had been male- l would have suffered in high school because l tend to be some what standoffish. And l remember being horrified when a guy kissed me walking home from junior high.

Now l maybe rejected simply because l refuse to be manipulated by anyone which could just be me being my core self or related to the big A -elephant in the room. Maybe the symbol for Autism should be a elephant who constantly flaps his ears. But thanks for talking about your experience here, but everyone of us can contribute to this post. Being accepted is a common movie theme and pretty much a universal misadventure. How many of us walked the poor boyfriend or girlfriend choice just trying to feel accepted (warts and all).

 

[Judge]

I was thinking about that, I have a nasty tendency to relive everything over and over. And things that happened 20 years ago still comes out of nowhere and bothers me. It`s so stupid, would be nice to stop doing that.

Me too. Over things that happened some 36 years ago.

A case of when my long term memory works a little too well. Wishing I could trade it for a short term memory.

But for many of us, rumination is inevitable. It's what we do.

 

[Judge]

If we really do relive our entire lives at the point of death, I suppose I'm getting ahead of myself. My bad!

 

[Aspychata]

It's like life failures constantly have a running preview in viewing room in our cortex. But l now have a another viewing room showing hey you screwed up but guess what, there are lots of messes walking around called **** simply being human****.

 

[LadyS]

I was thinking about that, I have a nasty tendency to relive everything over and over. And things that happened 20 years ago still comes out of nowhere and bothers me. It`s so stupid, would be nice to stop doing that.

Ya I think this is what the OP might be experiencing as well thus the reason for the post. Doesn't sound like fishing for sympathy to me but more trying to find out why we can't get past bad experiences a lot of times.

I see it almost everyday here...

 

[autisticelders]

look up "rejection sensitive dysphoria" It is easy to get into the habit of believing others are always out to get you, hate you, or are mean and cruel when you exprience those things continually. We can get hyper vigilant about it and defensive too.

 

[The Lorax]

Friendly NT here....

Neurological disorders suck not only because it is a life long struggle but that other people don't see it.

If you are missing 2 arms they see it and can feel empathy.

But being depressed, anxious, ticks, or anything else that doesn't fit in the normal social world can be devastating.

Almost everyone I know truly doesn't understand mental illness. It is a roll of the dice. Luck of the genetics that is a majority of how you are. Your environment is the remaining part.

A genetically normal child can overcome a toxic home environment fairly well. I know a couple.
But being born with a genetic difference that impacts mental health is very hard to correct. On top of that you have the environment you grow in which rarely is good. Either the parents don't understand, or the other kids don't.

Even I took years to completely understand my son. He has ASD, ADD, and Anxiety. My wife has the same thing but her anxiety is severe depression. Luckily she is brilliant, self aware, and the medication works well for her. Many aren't so fortunate. We were also lucky to have available 2 excellent doctors.

I can't tell all of you to look on the bright side when the genetic side is impacting your well being. I can only tell you from the environmental side what you can do.

#1 be your own self advocate
#2 research into medications that help.
#3 research psychology for your well being
#4 research relations, body, language, and yes even manipulation of NTs but in a positive way.

For example I teach my son never to lie about a compliment but pick something you notice special and say something nice. That really improves your standing with that person. It allows them to give back also. And it finds your enemies. A person who takes your compliments and doesn't give back isn't a person you want to be with.

#5 Realize that you are living at the end of a line of 120,000,000,000 people that existed before you in the best of times with the highest level of technology and medicine and in a first world country. Read a little about the poor in India, China, North Korea, or other countries that have many more people living in poverty and misery. When I changed my perspective that way I realized things are really good for me. I don't have any issues myself.

I always try to teach my son all these lessons.

I hope these help.