Being good at most social skills, with ASD

[Oz67]

I know that most people with ASD have hard time being good at deception and charm, but people like me are different.

I became good at being charm and deceptive. When I deceive people, they don't know that I am lying, even when I laugh after, because I use charm. I am developed some NT social skills, such as lying, charm, manipulating, tricking and brainwashing. I know this is strange, because I have ASD, but I don't fit the stereotype and exact diagnostic criteria of ASD that most people and professionals think of.

 

[Darkkin]

If you are trying to prove the veracity of your social skills via a written medium, it is not readily apparent in the context of the forum based format.

Written context actually argues the opposite points. It is a linguistic pattern style I have encountered before on several writing forums I visit. In each case the posters were indeed on the spectrum.

Our writing reveals more about us than we could ever know.

 

[Oz67]

I used to have severe communication delays in my childhood. My social skills got better over time with therapy, and I by myself developed some NT social skills as a young adult.

 

[Darkkin]

Contextually speaking writing a post about being able to charm and manipulate NTs on an in person level flies in the face of the functionality of said manipulation, which is to gain a specific goal without actively seeming to know or want said goal.

e.g. Siblings vying for a parent's favour.

Manipulation is a comprehensive control and influence over one's environment and the individuals in it. Openly writing about it is putting a tool into the hands of others to disprove such claims.

Masking one's autistic traits enough to pass as an NT is completely different. Masking is a survival mechanism deployed by autistics to deal with society on a daily basis.

Manipulation is consciously, actively influencing the emotions of others for one's own gain (be it emotional, physical, material) regardless of the consequences. Moral, emotional, or otherwise.

It is one of the cardinal differences between autism and sociopathy. Conscience and the moral compass. Sociopathy is the complete lack of conscience without a deficit of social skills.

Autism is not a lack of a conscience or understanding, but a deficit of social comprehension and the ability to correctly interpret those interactions effectively.

While sociopathy can occur in autistics, it is extremely rare. Autistics being 2.8% of the population (US) and the sociopathy rate of 5% of the population (US). Statistically speaking less than .5% of the autistic population (US) are going to present with the comorbidity.

 

[Oz67]

Contextually speaking writing a post about being able to charm and manipulate NTs on an in person level flies in the face of the functionality of said manipulation, which is to gain a specific goal without actively seeming to know or want said goal.

e.g. Siblings vying for a parent's favour.

Manipulation is a comprehensive control and influence over one's environment and the individuals in it. Openly writing about it is putting a tool into the hands of others to disprove such claims.

Masking one's autistic traits enough to pass as an NT is completely different. Masking is a survival mechanism deployed by autistics to deal with society on a daily basis.

Manipulation is consciously, actively influencing the emotions of others for one's own gain (be it emotional, physical, material) regardless of the consequences. Moral, emotional, or otherwise.

I develop those skills, but I am more likely to be honest most of the time.

 

[Darkkin]

I develop those skills, but I am more likely to be honest most of the time.

Again, this is a direct contradiction to manipulation. Manipulation is conscious deception. MASKING is the autistic trait of hiding autistic traits to appear neurotypical.

One can be good at MASKING, but not at the contrived deceit of MANIPULATION. The terms are very different and not interchangeable.

Masking is something we all do. Manipulation implies malicious intent. (Which given context does not seem to be the intent.)

 

[Aspychata]

Think being adaptive might be a better way to describe this. I don't think l am being deceptive, l am just getting along with my peers in jobs or at the gym. I don't place a judgment on my ways of coping. I don't feel a need to deceive. However l find l could care less about a lot of people, it doesn't mean that l should be uncivil. I make it a point to work on my social skills which involves some fake emotions, it is what it is. Though lately, due to more rudeness, l tend to not put up with crap from random men when l am just minding my business. Lol

 

[Oz67]

But, I don't mask, it causes me a lot of stress.

 

[Aspychata]

True. We learn to mask or we become singled out. Maybe it's pure survival which we learn early on in childhood when many of us like being alone. I have many memories of my happiest times were alone in tween years.

 

[Darkkin]

But, I don't mask, it causes me a lot of stress.

Mimicking NT behaviour is the textbook definition of masking. Therapy teaches one these skills. It is not manipulation, deception, or lying. It is blending in to survive.

 

[Oz67]

Mimicking NT behaviour is the textbook definition of masking. It is not manipulation, deception, or lying.

I still show symptoms of ASD even when I copy NT behaviors, so masking is out of the question.

 

[Darkkin]

I still show symptoms of ASD even when I copy NT behaviors, so masking is out of the question.

Then how do you manipulate, deceive, lie, and charm while being autonomously autistic? At the same time using NT traits taught in therapy?

Every autistic masks to some degree. It is an adaptation to fit in with society.

 

[Oz67]

Then how do you manipulate, deceive, lie, and charm while being autonomously autistic? NTs being NTs are going to have a profoundly hard time accepting something like this.

Because, I have much more social skills compare to my childhood. I got help with therapy, and developed some NT social skills as a young adult.

My social skills is not the good, but it is much better than it was before.

 

[Luca]

I’ve been told that my social skills are “fine,” but I still struggle with things like social anxiety and trust issues and having trouble not talking about my interests.

I guess I’m just decent at masking, which is something I’ve only realized and accepted that I do since joining this forum.

Both NTs and autistic people have described me as “charismatic” lol… I hope that’s a compliment

My social skills have also improved since childhood. I think going to college was what did it for me actually.

 

[Darkkin]

Because, I have much more social skills compare to my childhood. I got help with therapy, and developed some NT social skills as a young adult.

My social skills is not the good, but it is much better than it was before.

You have a workable skill set that allows you to appear NT. Which is passing, adapting, or masking. It is not openly deceiving those around you for some form of gain. You do not manipulate others. You are too open about things for that. And that is not a bad thing.

 

[Oz67]

I am not good at hiding my symptoms of ASD, that is why I am in a huge denial about my masking skills.

 

[Darkkin]

I am not good at hiding my symptoms of ASD, that is why I am in a huge denial about my masking skills.

Big step. Right here. Masking is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. We all do it and we all struggle with it. It can be problematic, but it does also protect us to a certain degree.

It is a tool and a skill set we hone over the course of our lives.

 

[Darkkin]

I’ve been told that my social skills are “fine,” but I still struggle with things like social anxiety and trust issues and having trouble not talking about my interests.

I guess I’m just decent at masking, which is something I’ve only realized and accepted that I do since joining this forum.

Both NTs and autistic people have described me as “charismatic” lol… I hope that’s a compliment

My social skills have also improved since childhood. I think going to college was what did it for me actually.

Being charismatic is a very good thing. It indicates people find you interesting, charming by concise definition.

A lot of that comes from your innate honesty and compassion.

 

[Yeshuasdaughter]

Manipulating and brainwashing?? I don't think that's something to brag about.

Spoiler

P.S. will you pretty please use the standard font size? It is very hard to read smaller text.

 

[Oz67]

Big step. Right here. Masking is nothing to be ashamed or embarrassed about. We all do it and we all struggle with it. It can be problematic, but it does also protect us to a certain degree.

It is a tool and a skill set we hone over the course of our lives.

I do mask, but not very well.

It's just that my anecdotal example of me having some NT social skills, it is when I lie to my mom into thinking that I didn't drink chocolate milk in the morning, even when I laugh, she doesn't know that I am lying right away, until I asked her to guess many times and she asked my dad. But, I wonder if that is also a symptom of ASD, like, I can only cover my lies to a limited amount of time.