Being expected to act "normal" and constantly being criticised

[Turbocks]

So I have a family of mostly neurotypicals
except me who is a 19 year old aspie boy.

I have 2 sisters and a divorced mom and dad who live in separate homes and I live with my dad.

Usually it's a fun and loving family but every once in a while when I do something that my dad who is in his mid to late 50s perceives as being "abnormal" or "wrong" such as sleeping with my glasses on or doing anything perceived as being really lazy such as playing video games and not taking the dishes by myself I am consistently criticised for it and rarely do I ever get told something positive.

I have also been told several times that if I am not self reliant by the time I leave home that I will end up in a group home for someone like me and to that I say if that really was the case I would rather jump off a bridge quite literally than being stuck in a place like that.

I also know from experience since a younger age that if you ever try to tell him that he is wrong or even refute his arguments he will sometimes become very aggressive in his tone of voice and perhaps even scream at me.

Sometimes I think twice about talking to him about things that matter to me such as fixing or replacing a broken laptop that I accidentally broke because the cheap korean plastic in a hinge was worn out after years of usage.

It's not worth it because I will just get shut down or scolded with such meaningful phrases such as "you can buy a laptop once you get away from home" even though he is filthy rich and more than capable of paying for it or "I will not let you use this laptop ever again" even though it wasn't even my fault.

Because I know I will just get criticised over and over again for doing things wrong I feel it's best just to shut up sometimes .

There was once a time I had to endure verbal abuse about my autism with tears in my eyes all because we were out of the bread I used to eat in the morning and that I refused to eat.

At one point when I was younger when I refused to take a shower he tried to rip my clothes off and I again had to endure lots of screaming and verbal abuse.

Am I the only person who has been in a situation like this before?

The strangest thing is that when he does not act like this he is the most loving and caring person you could have as a parent even helping me with things like aquarium maintenance or cooking .

But as soon as I do anything wrong or perceived as out of the ordinary I am scolded.

Talking about any past issues regarding him is also not something I am fond of doing because he will tell me that I am lying and he will usually become angry forcing me to apologise.

I know this forum post won't make a difference in general but I just wanted to share my experience of what it feels like to be scolded at home for not acting "normal" like the other neurotypicals around my age.

It's really hard to write this text because I am reminded of these past events and it made me feel like crying at times.

I have no idea why it's like this but maybe it has something to do with the way neurotypicals who are now fully grown adults perhaps viewed people like me during the 70's and 80's when they were growing up where being locked up in an institution and shunned from society was the norm if you were like me.

Life is just hard sometimes and the only thing I can do is to endure it all because in the end this hardship all ends someday

 

[Rasputin]

So I have a family of mostly neurotypicals
except me who is a 19 year old aspie boy.

I have 2 sisters and a divorced mom and dad who live in separate homes and I live with my dad.

Usually it's a fun and loving family but every once in a while when I do something that my dad who is in his mid to late 50s perceives as being "abnormal" or "wrong" such as sleeping with my glasses on or doing anything perceived as being really lazy such as playing video games and not taking the dishes by myself I am consistently criticised for it and rarely do I ever get told something positive.

I have also been told several times that if I am not self reliant by the time I leave home that I will end up in a group home for someone like me and to that I say if that really was the case I would rather jump off a bridge quite literally than being stuck in a place like that.

I also know from experience since a younger age that if you ever try to tell him that he is wrong or even refute his arguments he will sometimes become very aggressive in his tone of voice and perhaps even scream at me.

Sometimes I think twice about talking to him about things that matter to me such as fixing or replacing a broken laptop that I accidentally broke because the cheap korean plastic in a hinge was worn out after years of usage.

It's not worth it because I will just get shut down or scolded with such meaningful phrases such as "you can buy a laptop once you get away from home" even though he is filthy rich and more than capable of paying for it or "I will not let you use this laptop ever again" even though it wasn't even my fault.

Because I know I will just get criticised over and over again for doing things wrong I feel it's best just to shut up sometimes .

There was once a time I had to endure verbal abuse about my autism with tears in my eyes all because we were out of the bread I used to eat in the morning and that I refused to eat.

At one point when I was younger when I refused to take a shower he tried to rip my clothes off and I again had to endure lots of screaming and verbal abuse.

Am I the only person who has been in a situation like this before?

The strangest thing is that when he does not act like this he is the most loving and caring person you could have as a parent even helping me with things like aquarium maintenance or cooking .

But as soon as I do anything wrong or perceived as out of the ordinary I am scolded.

Talking about any past issues regarding him is also not something I am fond of doing because he will tell me that I am lying and he will usually become angry forcing me to apologise.

I know this forum post won't make a difference in general but I just wanted to share my experience of what it feels like to be scolded at home for not acting "normal" like the other neurotypicals around my age.

It's really hard to write this text because I am reminded of these past events and it made me feel like crying at times.

I have no idea why it's like this but maybe it has something to do with the way neurotypicals who are now fully grown adults perhaps viewed people like me during the 70's and 80's when they were growing up where being locked up in an institution and shunned from society was the norm if you were like me.

Life is just hard sometimes and the only thing I can do is to endure it all because in the end this hardship all ends someday

My advice is to learn to be self sufficient, get a job, and live on your own. Your situation is not that different from what others have faced.

 

[Matthias]

So I have a family of mostly neurotypicals
except me who is a 19 year old aspie boy.

I have 2 sisters and a divorced mom and dad who live in separate homes and I live with my dad.

Usually it's a fun and loving family but every once in a while when I do something that my dad who is in his mid to late 50s perceives as being "abnormal" or "wrong" such as sleeping with my glasses on or doing anything perceived as being really lazy such as playing video games and not taking the dishes by myself I am consistently criticised for it and rarely do I ever get told something positive.

I have also been told several times that if I am not self reliant by the time I leave home that I will end up in a group home for someone like me and to that I say if that really was the case I would rather jump off a bridge quite literally than being stuck in a place like that.

I also know from experience since a younger age that if you ever try to tell him that he is wrong or even refute his arguments he will sometimes become very aggressive in his tone of voice and perhaps even scream at me.

Sometimes I think twice about talking to him about things that matter to me such as fixing or replacing a broken laptop that I accidentally broke because the cheap korean plastic in a hinge was worn out after years of usage.

It's not worth it because I will just get shut down or scolded with such meaningful phrases such as "you can buy a laptop once you get away from home" even though he is filthy rich and more than capable of paying for it or "I will not let you use this laptop ever again" even though it wasn't even my fault.

Because I know I will just get criticised over and over again for doing things wrong I feel it's best just to shut up sometimes .

There was once a time I had to endure verbal abuse about my autism with tears in my eyes all because we were out of the bread I used to eat in the morning and that I refused to eat.

At one point when I was younger when I refused to take a shower he tried to rip my clothes off and I again had to endure lots of screaming and verbal abuse.

Am I the only person who has been in a situation like this before?

The strangest thing is that when he does not act like this he is the most loving and caring person you could have as a parent even helping me with things like aquarium maintenance or cooking .

But as soon as I do anything wrong or perceived as out of the ordinary I am scolded.

Talking about any past issues regarding him is also not something I am fond of doing because he will tell me that I am lying and he will usually become angry forcing me to apologise.

I know this forum post won't make a difference in general but I just wanted to share my experience of what it feels like to be scolded at home for not acting "normal" like the other neurotypicals around my age.

It's really hard to write this text because I am reminded of these past events and it made me feel like crying at times.

I have no idea why it's like this but maybe it has something to do with the way neurotypicals who are now fully grown adults perhaps viewed people like me during the 70's and 80's when they were growing up where being locked up in an institution and shunned from society was the norm if you were like me.

Life is just hard sometimes and the only thing I can do is to endure it all because in the end this hardship all ends someday

There are plenty of people who aren't autistic in similar situations. It sounds like your dad has an anger problem or never learned how to handle his emotions and could use some CBT to overcome it. It's common for dads to want their sons to be tough and learn to manage on their own. I don't think it has anything to do with you being autistic.

 

[menander]

Be self sufficient in some way. HFA often will NOT get into group homes. It homelessness. Or couch surfing. If you think you are disabled you better apply before age 22. There is not a lot of mercy for HFA out there in the world.

 

[Thinx]

This sounds challenging for you, although you say your dad is also caring and supportive. I think it's hard to be in the parental home when you are an adult. What is your plan for yourself, are you at college? It's a tough time for many, especially young people. Does your dad work? What job or career do you have in mind, and is your dad on board with it?

 

[Sarah S]

My friend JUST because you do have this or any other diagnose DONT give you the right to not try youre best to learn how to be self Reliant as best as you can, nor while living at home dont try youre best to help out in the family and do as youre parents say .

Belive me i have been hiding behind all my diagnosis (when younger - youre age as well as older ) BUT take it from me it wont work. With or without any diagnose you HAVE to do youre best to learn how to be self reliant and some order in youre life as much as you can. Its NOT an exuse not to try HARD and give it youre all my young friend. even tho i failed missrably in my effort in the job department (although i actually DID reach my goal but later shut down due to my diagnosis ) and life in general i NEVER stopped trying i fought with EVERYTHING i had both in the working life as well as learn how to be as self reliant as i can be in life and adapt to my diagnosis as best as i can

 

[VAW]

So I have a family of mostly neurotypicals
except me who is a 19 year old aspie boy.

I have 2 sisters and a divorced mom and dad who live in separate homes and I live with my dad.

Usually it's a fun and loving family but every once in a while when I do something that my dad who is in his mid to late 50s perceives as being "abnormal" or "wrong" such as sleeping with my glasses on or doing anything perceived as being really lazy such as playing video games and not taking the dishes by myself I am consistently criticised for it and rarely do I ever get told something positive.

I have also been told several times that if I am not self reliant by the time I leave home that I will end up in a group home for someone like me and to that I say if that really was the case I would rather jump off a bridge quite literally than being stuck in a place like that.

I also know from experience since a younger age that if you ever try to tell him that he is wrong or even refute his arguments he will sometimes become very aggressive in his tone of voice and perhaps even scream at me.

Sometimes I think twice about talking to him about things that matter to me such as fixing or replacing a broken laptop that I accidentally broke because the cheap korean plastic in a hinge was worn out after years of usage.

It's not worth it because I will just get shut down or scolded with such meaningful phrases such as "you can buy a laptop once you get away from home" even though he is filthy rich and more than capable of paying for it or "I will not let you use this laptop ever again" even though it wasn't even my fault.

Because I know I will just get criticised over and over again for doing things wrong I feel it's best just to shut up sometimes .

There was once a time I had to endure verbal abuse about my autism with tears in my eyes all because we were out of the bread I used to eat in the morning and that I refused to eat.

At one point when I was younger when I refused to take a shower he tried to rip my clothes off and I again had to endure lots of screaming and verbal abuse.

Am I the only person who has been in a situation like this before?

The strangest thing is that when he does not act like this he is the most loving and caring person you could have as a parent even helping me with things like aquarium maintenance or cooking .

But as soon as I do anything wrong or perceived as out of the ordinary I am scolded.

Talking about any past issues regarding him is also not something I am fond of doing because he will tell me that I am lying and he will usually become angry forcing me to apologise.

I know this forum post won't make a difference in general but I just wanted to share my experience of what it feels like to be scolded at home for not acting "normal" like the other neurotypicals around my age.

It's really hard to write this text because I am reminded of these past events and it made me feel like crying at times.

I have no idea why it's like this but maybe it has something to do with the way neurotypicals who are now fully grown adults perhaps viewed people like me during the 70's and 80's when they were growing up where being locked up in an institution and shunned from society was the norm if you were like me.

Life is just hard sometimes and the only thing I can do is to endure it all because in the end this hardship all ends someday

After reading your post I would say from the other side of this...being an NT and having a son who is an Aspie, that a lot of times we treat all our kids the same. Many times NT's just don't understand what Aspies go through or why they do things. As a parent we try to teach the kids how to fit into our prospective and how you should act...vs/ understanding why you don't.

 

[Sarah S]

After reading your post I would say from the other side of this...being an NT and having a son who is an Aspie, that a lot of times we treat all our kids the same. Many times NT's just don't understand what Aspies go through or why they do things. As a parent we try to teach the kids how to fit into our prospective and how you should act...vs/ understanding why you don't.

I can most defenetly agree on that one . My reel dad was never able to understand me (btw he also has Asbergers i STRONGLY suspekt) But anyway hence he had no idea how to treat me and thoght as most others back then that i am a retard / Idiot /less gifted who would never amount to anything. (i should add tho that in recent years (say past 10-20 years) we have becomed closer then we ever been in my entire life since he seen him self im NOT an idiot despite being different )

BUT its also that you have to be willing to try to adapt and learn and all the rest and dont just accept oh okey i have this or that diagnose so i cant do this so why bother ? THATS how i thoght of my self back then when i tried to hide behind my diagnosis.