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Being an Aspie but tied down with fatigue

Fade2black

Well-Known Member
I've never felt that Aspergers itself has been a handicap in my life. But, the mental / physical fatigue of trying, but never fitting in professionally and socially has just drained me to the point of total exhaustion and self-isolation. Most of my life has been friendless yet with a few acquaintances, despite ongoing attempts at friendship. I'm in my mid 50's now, still with no friends and ironically, I'm perfectly ok with it and honestly, I now prefer no friends. Wierd?

At my age, everyone else has solid social skills and social networks. They usually have family support and are established professionally. I'm none of these. The more secure they become with age, the less secure I am for the reason I've never become better in these areas. This has lead to unmanageable chronic insomnia and fatigue, depression and anxiety.

While this may sound like I'm complaining or looking for attention, I'm actually not. I'm just curious if others who're about my age have has a similar life and are feeling the same.
 
Hi Fade...not everyone has solid social skills and social networks. it feels like it though!
Your chronic insomnia, fatigue, etc is managable, you just havent found out how yet to manage it.
im older than you and im just now figuring out how to enjoy life.
 
I've never felt that Aspergers itself has been a handicap in my life. But, the mental / physical fatigue of trying, but never fitting in professionally and socially has just drained me to the point of total exhaustion and self-isolation. Most of my life has been friendless yet with a few acquaintances, despite ongoing attempts at friendship. I'm in my mid 50's now, still with no friends and ironically, I'm perfectly ok with it and honestly, I now prefer no friends. Wierd?

At my age, everyone else has solid social skills and social networks. They usually have family support and are established professionally. I'm none of these. The more secure they become with age, the less secure I am for the reason I've never become better in these areas. This has lead to unmanageable chronic insomnia and fatigue, depression and anxiety.

While this may sound like I'm complaining or looking for attention, I'm actually not. I'm just curious if others who're about my age have has a similar life and are feeling the same.
I think !!!!it depends on the state of your health ,insomnia started for me in my mid 30s after an infection .
psychological exhaustion is dangerous and can lead to physical exhaustion ,I never grasped that idea until I saw an article where it said it's actually killed people .
could I give you the reference no !I'm 13 years in from getting two or three hours of sleep a night waking up and then going back to sleep again ,so my memory is shot now.
One thing that makes me move is the terror of being paralysed even though I'm on my five or sixth infection of the year I still get up .
I think it's how my brain is wired .
what I would like again is my mother quite often and her friends not very often,when I find a certain period of time where I am happy sometimes reading ,sometimes watching television, Life is not so unbearable the rest of the time it is nightmarish.
I wonder what I will feel like when my body doesn't give me the pressure to reproduce, I wonder if I will feel better if my hormonal balance changes .
 
I've spent my life not knowing anything about autism beyond what was written in magazine articles, and I was clueless about my own Asperger traits until recently. I'm still sifting through my life experiences and decisions, circumstances, and desires that move us through life. When I was young, I asked God for a life of unique experiences and adventure. I got that, and I know that Aspergers facilitated most of it. I was unafraid, I was always curious, I loved learning, and I was always capable. What was missing was the traditional way of looking at life. I respect tradition, but I know I don't fit into that kind of world. I had no preconceptions about the kind of life I would have. I let it be what it is. ASD was with me all the time, but I was never aware. My different way of functioning was always in my consciousness, but I couldn't pinpoint the reasons. Only now, when I play the "what if..." game do I realize that it's ASD that kept me moving in life and has brought me the adventure that enriched my experiences and interests. I'm still ASD, the same way I have always been ASD. I don't see being older as an end to this, and I don't compare myself to others - I never have. I see the differences because I live the differences. I'm still different. The game hasn't changed.

Your anxiety and sleeplessness might be from wishing for, or wanting more from what life has to offer. Expectations can breed disappointment because expectations are imagined results. Optimism is a positive force, but not without some expectations. Not everything we desire or work toward becomes a reality, so if we only focus on tomorrow's promises, we miss the reality that is free and available to us today. I've always thought that the best way to appreciate food is to go hungry. The roof over your head is more than some people have. You are accessing a forum that brings you comfort and social interaction. It would be a shame to lament what isn't happening in your life while not embracing all that is in your life. If you grow up in a world that has choices, conveniences, fun, and services, it is easy to become used to it all. In the process, we forget to appreciate the basics.

Everyone's version of balance is different. It has taken me a lifetime to understand what I know now to be a more holistic view of Asperger living. I was always attacking pieces and parts of my life without seeing the whole picture. Older is wiser. I think we need a finely tuned arrangement in life to establish and maintain the balance we desperately need. That means making things happen through our conscious understanding of what we need to have peace and enjoyment. That includes appreciating and protecting the lives we have constructed. We are doing our best, and we all know how much struggle went into a lot of it.

There is a lot happening in the world, and we can't be everywhere and do everything. We are not without our own achievements, memories, opportunities, and interests. The road is rarely smooth, but you always have your choice of road. In reality, some are off limits. You can still enjoy ice-cream, even if there is only one flavor.
 
It has gotten worse for me in the past seven years and I am a little older than you.
Mostly due to the same reasons @Streetwise stated.
Health issues, lack of money enough to live on my own, only places to live are either as I am
with a very mean individual or some medicaid assisted facility.
Anxiety and mental exhaustion are killing me too.
I don't really have insomnia, but, I don't have deep peaceful sleep either for very long periods.
So fatigue is a problem.
When I am learning, reading, watching TV and such I feel better. But, the reality of health problems
and living conditions are there every day.
I also never had friends and it never bothered me.
My Mother was always my best friend, companion and someone I truly felt loved with.
Without her, loneliness can be difficult. Sometimes I just want a hug and know someone cares.
I do miss that.
 
At my age, everyone else has solid social skills and social networks. They usually have family support and are established professionally. .

Not "everyone" :)

It's easy to make this generalisation when things aren't going well and we don't really know what changes to make, if any.

Constantly chasing and trying to catch anothers ideals of what success is and how to showcase it may zap all of the energy you have.

Have you ever asked yourself what it is you're chasing?
What it is you're trying to achieve in the grand scheme of things, exactly?
 
OP I am the same way, but it has not led to depression and fatigue. Just the opposite as I get older and more independent. No longer married or in a relationship. No longer have neighbors or HOA or zoning restrictions. My daughter is 18 and is for the most part on her own. All I really have to do is drive 9 miles to work and back 5 days a week. Other than that, I can totally be myself and do whatever I want, or do nothing if that's what I want.

I do notice that the social networks of others grow as they age. I have no reason to envy it or be a part of it. Only time it affects me is at work, because the surrounding chit chat and socialization sometimes seems more and more out of hand as the years progress, it gets difficult to concentrate when I need to be deep in engineering thought.
 

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