Being alone does not seem so bad

[joe2006]

A little over twelve years ago I moved to a small town that has a little less than 200 people in it. I have not had a friend since I moved out here and spend most of my free time in my room playing those video games. Some of the people I spoke to about this say it is not good for me to be alone all the time and that I need to be around more people. It seems that when I am around other people that my problems start. People will eventually say or do something that I do not like. Sometimes I accidentally do something that makes somebody angry and do not understand why. I also do not function as well around other people as I do by myself. When I am by myself none of these bad things happen and I seem to be happier. So now I am left wondering, why do some people think being alone is unhealthy?

 

[Bronzelincolns]

for some people it is, but everyone is different and have different relational and social needs.

 

[Pats]

My youngest son is telling me all the time that I need to get out more, that it's not good to stay inside all the time. I can't convince him that I'm happier at home. He needs to be with people all the time so I don't figure he will ever understand my need not to.

 

[clg114]

I love my wife and family, but still need and enjoy my alone time.

 

[Fino]

"Why do some people think... " seems like a dangerous road to travel down. And a really long one.

 

[Adora]

While I’m married I can still go into hermit mode,my husband doesn’t like that I spend a lot of time in my room and he thinks it’s unhealthy for me,he has his garage and goes in there to tinker on his drone or Rc car but believes that me being in my bedroom isn’t good for my mental health and says I’m going into the dungeon,but my room is the only place I got where I can be alone for a bit and sometimes even though I love the company of my husband I just need a break from stress.

 

[Isadoorian]

Yeah; my mom (and dad) usually say i need to get out more; I'm typically cooped up in my room just about 24/7 but I've been going to Magic on Friday nights and downtown by myself when I can

 

[Pats]

While I’m married I can still go into hermit mode,my husband doesn’t like that I spend a lot of time in my room and he thinks it’s unhealthy for me,he has his garage and goes in there to tinker on his drone or Rc car but believes that me being in my bedroom isn’t good for my mental health and says I’m going into the dungeon,but my room is the only place I got where I can be alone for a bit and sometimes even though I love the company of my husband I just need a break from stress.

yes. I'm very happy hermitting.

 

[SusanLR]

@Fino Yeah, thinking is the dangerous road.
But as long as I am able to keep from too much of that thinking, keep my mind occupied,
I prefer the time alone also.
I spend a lot of time in my bedroom, on the PC, watching TV, reading, cleaning, napping!
Also I like some time outside in my garden, puttering.

But, going somewhere to do things except for maybe some time in a wilderness park nearby,
no, I don't care for it. Unfortunately there are things that demand going and I don't like driving.
I can't stand too many days in a row like that. The stress will build into fatigue and even vertigo
if I don't take days to myself.
My therapist says I should socialize, too. Join a group that does art or games or something.
But, it is uncomfortable. So how can it really help?

 

[OlLiE]

being alone is great
you just need to determine how much 'people' time you need
find a situation that gives you that
and you are done

 

[Progster]

1. They say this because they have heard other people saying it.
2. People are social beings and most people feel lonely when they are alone, and that can lead to depression. But that's different for every person - some people are fine being on their own.

 

[Theta.G]

So now I am left wondering, why do some people think being alone is unhealthy?

Social skills deteriorate, if you don't use it you lose it.

If you can be truly happy or content on your own, that's great. I forgot which study this was but long ago i remember reading something about being in close proximity to others you trust that effects your health on a cellular level and your mental health as well. For the physical aspect, something about bio energetics.

There are also certain things we do largely for the social aspect. Such as showering, washing your face and other cleanliness habits. When you don't have to do anything of these things for that social aspect / when you won't have to interact with others, then those habits can easily disappear. Which would be pretty bad for your health.

When it comes to paranoia or anxiety both being alone and with the wrong people (which is many) can make it worse.... they cancel each other out.

There's good and bad in both. We aren't designed to be solitary beings however with the way people are these days... hmm...

 

[Annanda]

There is on you tube a very good film about an autistic scientist:

He explains, what we all know more or less consciously: the need of solitude is essential to our lives.
Me too, I wonder how it comes, that neurotypical people can relax in social gatherings with more than two human beings in the same space at the same time.
But they do and they seem to need it to maintain their mental and physical health.
I recognized that for me after a sufficient period of solitude it provides also a sense of physical wellbeing. But only when I don't have to interact that much. Over the years I found an ideal setting: silent retreats, which I join once or twice a year, if possible.

 

[OkRad]

It depends on how much trauma you've incurred. I love to "be alone inside my own head," but find that just when I settle in, it's possible that these huge, roaming, hideous monsters start to slink around in there.

For me, the cure is to do something very hard with my thoughts. You all know by now what that is. Most monsters shy away from Homer.

IF people were all kind, then being around them would be nice. When I am around people who are kind and inquisitive and seeking and intelligent, I like that. Like the people here !

 

[OkRad]

There is on you tube a very good film about an autistic scientist:

He explains, what we all know more or less consciously: the need of solitude is essential to our lives.
Me too, I wonder how it comes, that neurotypical people can relax in social gatherings with more than two human beings in the same space at the same time.
But they do and they seem to need it to maintain their mental and physical health.
I recognized that for me after a sufficient period of solitude it provides also a sense of physical wellbeing. But only when I don't have to interact that much. Over the years I found an ideal setting: silent retreats, which I join once or twice a year, if possible.

I am watching this now, but I cannot STAND the intrusive music that kicks in and out. I won't be able to watch it all, but I like this guy and I don't know why there are no comments.

 

[Utini]

It's hard for people to understand a certain mindset when they haven't experienced it themselves. Humans love tradition and to remain in the lines of so called normality. I do a lot of weird things but it's because it makes sense to me and that's all that matters.

 

[SunnyDay16]

Being alone is fine. In fact, it's important to learn how to be satisfied in your own company. With that being said though, we're human beings and we're designed to need human connection. It's in our DNA. Now, how much human interaction you may need depends on the person. Some people don't need as much of it as others do.

Surrounding yourself with quality people can enhance your life in many ways. You can learn, inspire, teach, and engage your mind. Not to mention, it helps improve your social skills, because you can't really improve them without actually socializing with people. The key is to find the right people to be around and not waste your time with people who aren't good for you.

 

[AloneNotLonely]

Going outside is healthy and you should force yourself to do so even if you don't want to.

By going outside, I mean getting some fresh air and sunshine around some trees and plants. I do not mean hanging around loud, annoying people.

 

[Pats]

There is on you tube a very good film about an autistic scientist:

He explains, what we all know more or less consciously: the need of solitude is essential to our lives.
Me too, I wonder how it comes, that neurotypical people can relax in social gatherings with more than two human beings in the same space at the same time.
But they do and they seem to need it to maintain their mental and physical health.
I recognized that for me after a sufficient period of solitude it provides also a sense of physical wellbeing. But only when I don't have to interact that much. Over the years I found an ideal setting: silent retreats, which I join once or twice a year, if possible.

Very interesting. I did have to do like a double take when he was going through his clothes. I never associated it with autism, but I am so picky with clothes that when I do find something I like, I will buy multiples.

 

[Pats]

Going outside is healthy and you should force yourself to do so even if you don't want to.

By going outside, I mean getting some fresh air and sunshine around some trees and plants. I do not mean hanging around loud, annoying people.

I disagree. I HAVE to go out and do things but I've never liked to go outside. (Except for on those rare occasions that I get to go out west and then I prefer outside to inside.) But here I don't like to go outside, even on my porch. I think I've always tried to close off the outside actually. I'd keep windows closed and have no idea what was going on around me. I remember my mom calling me one day asking why all the firetrucks were outside my apartment. "Oh, really? I didn't know that." (They didn't come with sirens - I would have known that. lol) And see, now you're making me really think about it and realize just how much I don't like outside. Everyone around me has always had a problem with me in that area and I just don't understand why the push.