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(Bedroom related) How to keep my Aspie boyfriend interested

C

CannedLaughter

New Member
Hi All,

I'm new here and hope that the array of aspie adults can give me a little advice please around something rather sensitive. I have been reading posts on here for a little while and his behaviours and preferences are practically the spitting image of a fair few posters.

my boyfriend is an amaizing lover and emotionally he and i are very invested in each other, but recently our sex life has faded somewhat (we used to be intimate several times a week and its now once a month if that). Most things recommended by web searches are generally not suitable (he doesn't like fussy lingerie costumes) so i was wondering what sort of thing would be considered a turn on without being to much of a sensory overload.

I only ever want to make him comfortable and I know his preference is for me to initiate intimacy... but is there anything else can i do?
 
You can ask your boyfriend what he'd like. Sorry, but he's really the only person who can tell you.
 
Might be related to stress. We withdraw when stressed and unhappy. Have the circumstances of you spending time together changed? Are you both busier. Is there a little conflict and resentment brewing. Don't just look at arousal and sex for the cause.
 
It's quite common for the frequency of sex to decrease once you're out of that "shiny and new" phase of your relationship. Doesn't mean he's not interested anymore. Other than that I agree with @kay that you're asking the wrong people. Your boyfriend know what turns him on. If he's uncomfortable talking about it, I'm afraid that's still something you're going to have to figure out together.
I think it's sweet that you're asking around here for advice, but there's no such thing as a Universal Aspie Code that dictates all our likes and dislikes. We don't know what makes your boyfriend tick just because we happen to have Aspergers as well.
 
I avoid giving advice in these situations because as an Aspie guy with an overly proactive and demanding spouse, I know that what advice I might give could be thrown into another person's face.

Sorry to be blunt, and I don't mean to suggest you would not bring up this issue in a caring and sensitive way.

Anyways, what has happened with me is that a general erosion of trust in emotional intimacy has caused a lack of sexual interest. I have a somewhat uncomfortable acceptance of sexuality and sexual activity, and emotional trust is absolutely neccesary for me to be able to have sexual intimacy. I have had only two partners, both of which have been physically satisfying, but emotionally difficult.
 
Find out what he finds to be attractive.

For example, I find a woman's neck to be attractive, and thus find variations of ponytails attractive. I find skirts, and dresses to be attractive. There are some shirts or jeans my wife could wear that catch my eye extremely quickly.

Check to see if he is under stress or is sick. These could drop a sex drive.
 
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