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Autistic Horror Stories: My Mother's "Friend" + XMas Church Play

UberScout

Please Don't Be Mad At Me 02/09/1996
V.I.P Member
In an effort to derail from the flame war(?) I mistakenly started with my thread about 12 year olds seeing wingdings in English language, I thought I should get off my chest something that traumatized me. Nobody really has time IRL to sit down and discuss it in person, so here I am.

So, back in 2015 or so, my mother's high school friend Krista was still around; my mother had to go out of town and my stepfather was in the hospital with two(!) kidney stones and a stroke, and since I couldn't take care of an unborn Robin not even hatched from the egg yet, Krista offered to take in Sophia and I and take care of us until my mother got back from out of town work.

Well ...she was nice for the most part. Then I met her five year old son, Kaleb.

Now, before I go on, I've noticed people are skeptical about how I feel about younger children, as we saw with my School Hatred post. Two things I want to clear up, just so we don't get confused: first, "school hatred" refers to hatred of the ENVIRONMENT, not necessarily the people there. Second, I don't have a problem with children at all. I may not be as touchy feely as everyone is with little kids but that doesn't mean I hate them. Sure, they might do some things I'd rather not see or listen to, but who am I, their dad? Let sleeping dogs lie. Not calling anybody out, this is only to clear the air.

ANYWAY, about Kaleb. Funny kid for the most part, rambunctious, and he likes to play. Not really a problem for days 1 and 2.

That's when I found out through quick observation that 1) he had a reputation at school for harassing others, 2) he was OBSESSED with body functions (hey, he's a kid, who isn't?) 3) he was really curious about all my art supplies (and by curious I mean he would sneak into my stuff while I was sleeping and draw...symbols...over my Kirby characters....hey, he wants to be an artist to, can you blame him?) and 4) Frogs.

I didn't hate Kaleb. I admired his sense of wonder and the ways he had fun. He was using his imagination like any other kid would.

But I knew he was InFamous for teasing others at school because he would do the same to me at his own house. Not that I was bothered by it but I wished he didn't do it so often .

So, for several months up through Christmas I'm staying with Krista and enduring everything that happens. The FIRST thing I noticed about Krista's method of rearing was HER SKIN PIERCING SCREECHING BANSHEE BELLOWING OF A LOUD VOICE!!! Ye God's alive on Earth, woe betide you forty fold should you ever do anything so much as argue when you have a righteous point, deny that you were responsible for anything you had nothing to do with, make a joke that nobody gets or do dang near anything she might frown upon. Her husband, Vernon was a little lighter with the peacekeeping, but oh my GOD, if this woman wasn't able to wake sleeping nymphs with her vocal cords alone I don't know what's real in this world.

So, numerous instances of this type of occurrence happens over the course of my stay, and eventually Kalebs methods of roughhousing evolve from roughhousing to setting up pranks to TRYING TO FORCIBLY KISS ME ON MY LIPS. (keep in mind he was no older than five and was a BOY. Shudder.)
So, what does one do when his mother walks in and sees me trying to wrestle him off me when this behavioral is clearly inappropriate? Does she tell him to stop or maybe put him in time out? Nope! Instead she accuses me of playing doctor with him!! What the UNRIGHTEOUS [sailor word]?! I'm just. I'm just wordless.

The straw that broke the camel's back? The play being held at her local church. It was a stage scene and musical number about Jesus being born and the three Wise Men witnessing his arrival, as three angels come and tell them what the heck is going on. I was cast as one of the wise men. Good so far right? Well it was a few days before Christmas Eve and I thought, oh, I still have time. The problem was that the play was to be held THAT SAME NIGHT that it was announced, and even though the wise men had no dialogue, only Mary and the angels I still had a bunch to learn about the whole scene. That and I had to wear a staggeringly realistic costume (who the actual heck is able to import a shawl to NC these days?!) that itched like bull ants were inside my skin. All this and because I heard about it at the last minute I had less than TWENTY FIVE MINUTES to learn every waypoint, everything I'm supposed to do, everything I have to pantomime (a theater technique that's miming to show mundane actions like opening a bottle) AND the five songs I'm supposed to sing. Combine this with the fact that I had to help construct the background and stage environment with no knowledge of scenery construction whatsoever, and I think my blood cells had traveled through time that night, they were moving so fast.

So, everything's built and the play goes as planned up until the Gloria Excelses Deioh song (whatever it's called). The song was in the key of G Major and Im not able to hit that high, so I had to stand and watch as 40+ people looked at me sideways as i sang severely off key. After this part, when the song was over, my next scripted action was to walk to Jesus' cradle, kneel down and pantomime the act of whispering to the other two wise men something along the lines of "this either a really good thing or something that will make people kill each other" (which the latter kind of did happen). The shoes I was wearing slipped somehow and I tripped and rocketed headfirst into the cradle, sending it sailing across the stage. Okay, so we just had a blooper. Just put it back and keep going .

When the play was over and we were on the way back to the house, Krista was not happy with me and I couldn't figure out why. She finally told me it was because "I made everyone look ridiculous with my little stunt show".

That was it. I was done. I called my folks to see if they were back and they had coincidentally just gotten back into town. I Just grabbed my backpack, took my sister, asked them to collect me and her and left their house giving the biggest display of a crude gesture I could think of ( I was so mad I gave Krista two of what the British call "crow claws" crossed.) We went back to their hotel room that night.

Forgive me, Autism Forums for the numerous negative things I've said about children and the like. You have to understand I don't really hate the lesser age groups, I just find their frequencies hard to match up with, for lack of better idioms. I mean, you wouldnt drop an elephant in the middle of the ocean would you?

Please don't think less of me.
 
That would have been a nightmare. Good to know that not all mom's and kids fit this profile.
 
Thank you for your honesty. You were under a great deal of stress and I think over all you did quite well. I would feel better had you not left with the crude gestures ;):);) but hey, we do what we can. We learn we grow. How do you feel about all of that now? What was your parents take on that? For the record, I do not approve of how most people raise their kids. I wonder how many of us survived. I am really sad for children being so defenseless and at the mercy of adults.
 
I couldn't take care of an unborn Robin not even hatched from the egg

if this woman wasn't able to wake sleeping nymphs with her vocal cords alone I don't know what's real in this world

whispering to the other two wise men something along the lines of "this either a really good thing or something that will make people kill each other"

I usually don't read the wall-of-text posts, but you, sir, are absolutely hilarious. This was an entertaining read all the way through.

Also, sorry about that experience. Sometimes the best way to deal with crazy is just to stand back and try not to get any on you.
 
There’s nothing wrong with not liking children. I wouldn’t like them if they messed with my art supplies and invaded my space by trying to kiss me.
They are lucky they only got rude gestures...it could have been worse with someone not as nice as you.
Isn’t it a little early for Christmas plays?
Thank goodness you survived!
 
Oh my GOSH! What a spectacle! I also don't usually read posts that long. My brain screams, "NOPE, ADHD," and I move on.

Couldn't you have said no to the play?? You were just suddenly cast.

I've worked with a kid exactly like the one you described! Rather than trying to kiss me, he would grab my privates. When it's a child, is it less weird if a girl were to do it? I almost think it would be more weird because then it would be more sexually implicit or curious or something? With a boy I tend to think they're just being difficult. I had to have this kid transferred to another teacher. Too bad you couldn't do something like that LOL transferred to another house.

I wouldn't take anything said in the other thread as any sort of personal attack or judgment. If everyone else is anything like me, it was purely intellectual and involved no emotional response or indictment of you. Judging a person we've never met based on one emotionally-charged post would be silly, in my opinion.

I admire your ability to respond when you feel wronged! I could be murdered for no reason, and my ghost would be like, "We probably just don't understand the reason, or maybe they just had a bad day."
 
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Man, thank you all so much for your support! And how understanding you all are! Truly I have found my internet sanctuary. You guys are probably the first people in 19 years to be able to correctly interpret my reactions. Its so hard to smile all the time when the world thinks you're an alien.

Which I kinda am, in more ways than one. Too bad I can't speak Klingon.
 
This was a pleasure to read. I am so sorry that you made me smile and even laugh at the events! Your writing is wonderful. :)

Truly, though, what a nightmare! So glad you extricated yourself!
 

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